Christmas Track List
by JudeDeluca
Summary: You are listening to a selected mix tape of Christmas tales about your favorite boys and girls in the Legion. Love, comedy, horror, and just desserts abound. So sit back, and enjoy the holiday spirit. Next, Garth's Christmas treat and April trick.
1. Wish Liszt

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, or Wish Liszt.

**XS: **Jenni Ognats. Granddaughter of Barry Allen, cousin of Impulse. Superspeed.

**Rush**: Mara Williams. A speedster created before Zero Hour, kind of a prototype for Jenni.

For some parts, Jenni will be talking in speed talk. Not sure if I got Jenni down right, but she wasn't primarily featured on the show, so...

This is that holiday thing I was thinking about. And yes, XS was in the Legion. And there will be different narrators from comics, and somewhere else, but the stories are about the cartoon Legion. It may be early, but I wanted to get this down before I forgot. Enjoy.

* * *

We enter into a room in Legion HQ. On the screen there is a picture of a roaring fire. In the corner there is a large Christmas tree.

"Hi. My name's Ebony Rosalynne Dent. I also go by the title X, or you can call me what every other crook I've taken down has called me. Bitch, whore, bastard, and a bunch of others I can't repeat, this being a holiday special and all. To be honest, I've only spent a few Christmas' that were enjoyable. My first Christmas with my mom and the couple I spent with Suzy. Between that... there wasn't that much to celebrate with Marcie. Anyway, I've been staying with the Legion ever since this whole thing with End of the World started, but this isn't about that."

"What you're reading is a collaboration of Christmas and holiday stories about my friends in the Legion. I'll only be narrating for a while, after that we have a whole cast to fill in, some I like, and some I don't like, and even some of my future friends from _VSE_. Some of those characters are from the old school stories. I happen to be a fan of the old school. Martian Manhunter, the Flash, Green Arrow when he had the whole Robin Hood thing going down in the 70s. I guess I'm just a sucker for men with that kind of facial hair."

"Now, I know it's early for a Christmas story, but most people like to do their preparations early as well. Take Jenni Ognats for instance. Or you'd probably know her as XS. Little bundle of energy that girl is, and cute, too. Guess she got it from her granddad. Ah Barry Allen, now there was a Flash. He knew how to slow down to enjoy life, when it lasted. And Jenni, she's about to learn a lesson in taking it slow, and how badly competitive shopping can turn out around the holidays. I already did my shopping. Got Garth a little Scooby plush toy and a Magnoball jersey."

Ebony got up and went over to put two ornaments on the tree. The first, an orchid that glowed with iridescent light, with two little lightning bolts floating around it. The second, was a symbol for the Flash.

"So, sit tight, 'cuz I'm Ebony Dent, and you're listening to..."

**01. Wish Liszt**

The Galactic Galleria Mall was busy this time of year. People were hurrying in and out of stores, shopping for their loved ones for the holidays. Christmas, Hanukkah, Yule, Bobonk, Smingtal, Florg, the list goes on. There were Santas collecting money for charity, Santas in displays, Santas taking gift requests. Children went up to Fruitcake Man and begged for gifts, adults prayed to the Florg that the harvest would be bountiful, and one girl was preoccupied with one thing.

"Okay. Let's see. That's Imra, Garth, Chuck, Brainy, Tenzil, Trip, _Rokk_, Tinya, Brin, Val, Jeckie... that just leaves Vi."

Jenni Ognats was blessed from birth with the power of super speed, just like her mother, Dawn Allen, her uncle, Don Allen, her cousin, Bart Allen, and her grandfather, Barry Allen. The Flash. Now, Jenni had decided to use her abilities for good, like her mom and the rest of her family, and joined the Legion of Super-Heroes as XS. She was wearing blue and white winter clothes, and a cap over her black-brown hair tied in a ponytail. She put the vid-list in her pocket and sped off to

"HiheretopickupSnowShredderIII:TheCoaling." She said to the clerk.

"What?" He barely understood it. Jenni laughed as she slowed down. "I said I'm here to pick up Snow Shredder III: The Coaling. That horror movie about the serial killer so obsessed with winter he goes on a bloody murder spree at Venice Beach with a frozen carrot and a piece of coal."

The man gave her a strange look.

"It's for a friend!" she said. It was true, but she had no idea Vi would be into that kind of movie. Chuck maybe, and Garth, and Tinya, but not Vi. Ah well, people can surprise you.

"Did you pre-order it?"

"Yes, under Ognats, Jenni. Try XS if it doesn't find a match."

"Uh-huh. Let's see..."

The man started typing into the mainframe. Jenni was impatiently tapping her nails on the counter.

"Comeoncomeonhurryup!"

"Keep your pants on, lady, Rome wasn't built in a day. Uh-oh."

She did not like the sound of that.

"What uh-oh?" Jenni asked.

"Sorry, we're sold out." he told her.

"But I pre-ordered a copy weeks ago!"

"We had a computer crash. All pre-orders got wiped out. We sent out messages to everyone who wasn't getting an order. Didn't you get one?"

"Uh..."

And Jenni remembers.

"_Jenni! You got mail!" Imra cried out. She ran over and picked up the vids._

_"Let's see. Junkjunkjunkbilljunkjunkooh a message from dad." She plopped down and read it before disposing of the others, not noticing one of them was from the store about her pre-order._

End flashback.

"No!" she told him.

"Sorry. Don't know what to tell you."

"This is an outrage! I should sue!" She banged her fist on the table, keeping up the other people in line.

"Well it's your own damn fault for not reading the message!" the clerk yelled at her.

"How do you know I got the message?"

The clerk blanked. Jenni was waiting for a reply.

"Uh, uh... CLOSING TIME!"

And like that the store closed down and everyone got kicked out.

"MY LEG!"

Jenni turned around and started yelling at the clerk still inside the store.

"Jerk! SprockingsquajwadIoughtta-"

A woman and her son passed by, listening to Jenni rant to herself out of anger in superspeed. Both were dressed in winter clothing. The mom had bags and the kid had a little toy spaceship and a runny nose.

"You see that? That honey is a crazy person."

"They always look different on the box."

Jenni stopped cursing to herself and started to calm down.

"No problem. I'll just go to another store."

And with that she was off again, but as she sped away in her superspeed trail, another blur passed her by.

"HEY!"

Jenni picked up the pace and ran after the other blur, until both stopped in front of the only cope of Snow Shredder III left in the Galleria's other vid store. And Jenni did not like who it was.

"Mara Williams."

"Jenni Ognats. We meet again."

Mara Williams had superspeed just like Jenni. She was experimented on by the Dominators, like so many other people during Imperiex's war on the universe. Mara had short blonde hair, and was dressed in red winter clothing. The two glared at one another. Why? Mara's superspeed came from Allen DNA they grafted into hers. And she was mad at them.

"I'm here to pick up Snow Shredder III." Mara said.

"So am I." Jenni replied. "But there's only one copy left."

"Guess you're going to another store." Mara smirked.

"Not-HEY!"

The two turned and saw the vid was gone.

"I'd like this young woman."

The two turned towards the counter. There was a little old lady, probably eighty, and she was buying the last copy of Snow Shredder.

"Of course, m'am." The clerk complied as she rang up the vid as Christmas music played throughout the store.

"I hear the special effects are wonderful in this film. They way that man's head just slides off the broom in slow motion."

The two paled, having just heard that come out of an old lady. The clerk didn't say anything but kept the same plastic smile on.

"Of course."

"That's just-" Jenni started.

"Creepy." Mara finished. They watched the little old lady by the last copy, and as she left, did she give them the finger? Jenni did a doubletake before she shifted her view to Mara.

"Well, I better be going." Jenni started to make her way out before she disappeared in a blitz.

"Oh noyoudon't!IfoneofusisgettingthelastcopyofSnowShredderisme!" Mara yelled and followed after her.

"Inyourdreams!" Jenni cried.

"SnowShredderIII?"

"No."

"SnowShredderIII?"

"Fresh out."

"SnowShredder-"

"Not till next month."

"Snow-"

"This is a butcher shop!"

And so they ran on over the globe, trading insults as it no longer became a thing of gift giving, but of pride.

"Idon'tcarehowlongittakes,victorywillbemineOgnats!"

"NowitisthewinterofyourdiscomfortWilliams!"

"Eatmy-"

"Eatmydust!Ha!Isaiditfirst!" Jenni yelled back.

They ran circles around one another, going to almost every store they could find on the planet. Malls, bookstores, specialty stores, gift shops, convenience stores, even bootleg shops. They didn't stop. They just went faster and faster and faster until-

"DOYOUHAVESNOWSHREDDERIII?!"

"What?" The clerk asked.

"Doyou, I mean," Jenni slowed down, "do you have Snow Shredder III?"

"What?" the store clerk blanked.

"What she means is, do you have Snow Shredder III for me?" Mara pushed Jenni aside. "No I don't!" Jenni yelled.

"Ladies, cool it! What are you talking about? Snow Shredder III?" The store clerk almost had to separate the two. "Yeah." Jenni told him. They still received a puzzled look from him.

"That movie doesn't come out for another five months. It just came out in theatres."

"But that's-" Mara starts until the clerk interrupted her again. "We don't sell bootleg. And why are you two dressed so warm? It's 85 degrees out!"

"85 DEGREES?!" They both yell.

"Well, it is the beginning of June? What do you expect?" the store clerk says, and goes back to putting away the vids. Mara and Jenni look completely horrified, and before head out of the store.

"Oh..." Jenni begins.

"Sprock." Mara finishes.

The mall is sunny and brightly lit. People walking around in summer wear, eating ice cream and drinking cool drinks.

"We ran so fast we went back in time." Mara says.

"Wonderful, we pulled a _Superman_." Jenni groans. "Rokk's gonna kill me." A mother and a child eating an ice cream cone stop to look at the two in front of the store.

"That honey, is what crazy people look like."

"They look different on the box."

The two slouch in defeat.

"Now what?" Mara asks Jenni as they start to remove their heavy coats.

"Wanna see Snow Shredder III?" Jenni asks. "Why not?"

...

"So, did you enjoy that? I know I did. And here's hoping you have nothing but warm thoughts during the cold winter days. And here's to taking it slow and enjoying the time you have. Love my gift Garth. Just what I wanted."

Ebony moves aside to show that Garth got her a Magnoball jersey too, a matching one to the one she got him, and a copy of _Black Orchid_, by Neil Gaiman and illustrated by Dave McKean. There's a card that says 'From One Friend to Another In Memory Of A Friend Long Gone.'

"Happy Holidays."

Next Track:

**02. Yes Violet, There Is A Santa Claus**


	2. Yes Violet, There Is A Santa Claus

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes.

**Shrinking Violet:** Salu Digby of Imsk. Size-Changing Abilities.

**Brainiac 5**: Querl Dox of Colu. 12th-Level Intellect.

**Kinetix**: Zoë Saugin of Aleph. Telekinesis.

* * *

We open to an alley in Gotham City at wintertime. A hooded figure swoops down from the rooftop and lands in front of a door in the alley. He steps in, and find ourselves inside of a large bar area. He flips the light switch, and we see the Christmas tree over in the corner. We get a better look at him. He wears a green cape and cowl, and a suit made up almost entirely of rags with no mouth on the mask.

"Hey there. Welcome to the Oblivion Bar at wintertime. Hold on, I gotta take care of this."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out a patchwork angel which he puts on top of the tree.

"The guy who runs this place asked me to pick it up for him. Anyway, the name's Rory Reagan. Call me Ragman. Some of you have probably never heard of me, so a little background is in order. I'm one of the other superheroes Gotham has besides the Bat-Family. My suit is made up of rags and tatters that can absorb the souls of evil-doers. Now I know what you're thinking, and I thought that was a little extreme too, until a while ago when I learned that this suit gives people a chance to work off their debt before passing on."

Ragman walks over to the bar and starts lighting up the menorah.

"Now I've been working with a team called the Shadowpact and we've seen some pretty strange things. So I'm gonna use my experience to relate to a certain tale about this time of year. It's about one girl's unyielding faith in a magical being. I may not celebrate Christmas, but I can say with absolute certainty that…

****

02. Yes Violet, There Is A Santa Claus

"No, there isn't."

"What are saying Brainy? Of course Santa exists!"

It was December 21st, the first day of winter. As snowflakes fall from the cold gray sky, Brainiac 5, the green-skinned, blonde child from Colu, and Shrinking Violet, the pale, black-haired girl from Imsk, were discussing one of the bigger figures of the holiday season.

"Vi, think about it. A morbidly obese old man who rides around in sleigh driven by flying reindeer, capable of visiting every single home in the universe and distributing gifts to children, all in one night."

"What's so crazy about that? Superman could probably do it."

"Superman is a Kryptonian. This man was supposedly a saint who died over 2000 years ago, yet he inexplicably popped up in the North Pole with hundreds of immortal midgets and a toyshop that cranks out vid-pads, hover cars, and anything else the hungry masses crave for this time of year. Where's the childhood wonder in that?"

"Brainy, before you saw Superman, did you believe he existed?"

"Yes of course."

"But even though you had never seen him."

"I've seen him now. Have you ever seen Santa Claus?"

"Just because I haven't seen him doesn't mean he isn't real."

Brainy shook his head.

"Vi, I knew Superman was real because there was proof he was real. Where's the proof that Santa is real?"

Violet sighed at her friend's skepticism and rationalization.

"Brainy when I was growing up on Imsk my parents told me that if I was good Santa Claus would come and give me what I wanted most. Well one year, my grandmother got very sick, and all year long I was a good girl because I believed that Santa would make her better."

"And let me guess, on Christmas morning you awoke to find your grandmother was all better."

"Yep!" She perked up. "And ever since I've always believed in Santa."

Brainy turned back to his computer and started typing something in. Violet looked up, and pictures and information pertaining the disease Violet's grandmother had.

"Vi, what you're grandmother had was the Laplace Virus. They discovered the cure for it on December 23rd."

Vi began to rub her temples. This was getting frustrating,

"But I didn't think Santa would just make the disease disappear! I asked that he deliver her the cure so she would get better, and he did. So there."

She crossed her arms in a triumphant matter.

"Vi that's flawed logic. What about everyone else who had the virus? And what about everyone else who asks Santa for something, like money, clean clothes, or food? What happens when they get ignored?"

"I, I…" Vi's lip was trembling.

"Vi, you've gotta grow up."

That was it. She stifled a sob before running out of the lab in tears.

"Vi wait!"

"You may be human but you're more heartless than ever!"

"Vi! Vi I'm sorry!"

He turned to see Chemical King and Invisible Kid standing in the hall, giving him twin glares.

"Smooth Brainy." Lyle told him.

"Or should we call you Scrooge?" Chem replied.

Vi was in the bathroom, grabbing frantically at tissues to dry her tears.

"Stupid jerk. What does he now?" Vi muttered to herself. "Santa is real. I know he is."

"…isn't he?"

A couple of days Later, now December 23, Violet hadn't talked to Brainy since that incident, despite warnings from Chem and Lyle to apologize to her. She was sulking in the main lounge, all decorated for the various holidays the Legionnaires celebrated. She was watching a 20th Century Earth comedy about Christmas, when someone came in for a surprise.

"Hey Vi."

"Oh, hi Zoë."

Zoë Saugin, a.k.a. Kinetix, telekinetic extraordinary with the ability to shape and remold inanimate objects, and one Vi's closest friends. Zoë wore a green costume that went well with her green eyes and her red hair, constantly in motion because of her powers.

"Hey what's wrong? Cheer up, it's Christmas Eve Eve!"

"I know, I'm still mad at Brainy."

Zoë rolled her eyes. "Why? What did our alleged super-genius do this time?"

"He said Santa Claus isn't real." Zoë sighed. "Give the guy a break. It's his first Christmas as a human." "But Zoë, he was so cold about it. So, matter-of-fact."

"Well, he's entitled to his belief and you're entitled to yours. You believe in Santa, so what? Good for you." "And Brainy?" Vi asked. "So he doesn't believe. Less presents for him. And if he forces you to think otherwise, go nuts on his ass."

"I guess." Vi wasn't sure.

"Come on. You have plans tonight?"

"No, I got stuck with monitor duty tonight, along with Garth." Vi, along with Brainy, Garth, and currently Zoë, were the only Legionnaires currently in HQ. Everyone else was running out and doing last-minute stuff for the holidays.

"Well I just got here from the outpost. How 'bout I go pick up a pizza and we can just veg out. We'll watch _It's A Wonderful Life_ and _A Christmas Story_ and all those other holiday movies Bouncy tries to make us watch."

"'Kay."

"Cool. I'll be back in a few."

Vi sighed. Even though what Zoë said was true, she still felt bad. How many people really believed in Santa nowadays. And maybe she shouldn't have yelled at Brainy like that.

There was a knock at the lounge door. Vi didn't look up.

"Open!"

The doors hissed open. She heard someone walking in but she still didn't look up.

"Hello? Who's there?"

No answer.

"Garth? Imra? Zoë, you back with the pizza? Who is it?"

The TV blared.

"_Could it beeeeeee SATAN_?"

Violet looked up from behind, and her jaw dropped.

"Oh… my…"

"Ho ho ho!"

"SANTA!"

Yes, there he was, the big man himself. Red suit, white bear, and jolly disposition. Vi was so happy she just glomped him without a second thought.

"Oh I knew you were real, Santa! I never doubted it for a minute! Wait. Are you the real Santa?" She eyed him suspiciously.

"I was expecting that question from the girl who wanted _BloodLetter V_ for GameGirl when she was five." Vi gasped. "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod! It's really you! But why are you here so early?"

"Vi, your holiday spirit has brought me here. I realize that you needed some cheering up, so I came all the way from the North Pole to help put your holiday spirit back in order."

Vi laughed/snorted. "Just for me? Thanks Santa! But you're so cold! Your skin is like ice." Santa laughed. "Well it gets cold up in the North Pole this time of year."

An idea popped into Vi's head. "Let me go a nice cup of hot chocolate to warm you up."

"With some Christmas cookies I hope?"

Vi shook her arms like a fan girl. "Eeeeh! This is so cool!"

In the kitchen, Vi was preparing the jolly old timer a cup of hot chocolate as he sat at the table.

"Vi you should cut your friend some slack. Not everyone has the holiday spirit." He explained.

"But that's so sad, Santa!" Vi said. "I mean, Brainy has always acted kind of cold, but now it's worse than ever!" She handed him the cocoa.

"Well, you know what they say. Some wind up on the nice list, and some land on the-"

He stops after drinking the cocoa. Vi leans in to get an answer.

"Yeah?"

"Hgkh! Gklkgh!"

He starts spazzing out, clutching at his throat. His eyes bug out and foam starts shooting out of his mouth as he screams.

"Santa what's wrong?! What's-"

"NAUGHTY! NICE! NAUGHTY! NICE!"

Then the skin on his face starts to bubble off, and we see a metallic surface underneath. The eyes are red, the teeth white, clean, and metallic, and the hair is fake. We see the processors and circuits in his head. He starts tearing up the kitchen as Vi stands their in shock.

"Wait, Santa's… a robot?"

Then, her face got red and her hands turned into fists.

"BRAINY!" she screams at the top of her lungs. Brainy flies into the room, oblivious to what's happening.

"So Vi, I didn't know we had-OH SPROCK!"

The robot Santa now has claws and tendrils instead of hands, lashing out and destroying everything they touch. Vi lunges at Brainy.

"HIT THE DECK!"

The two duck behind an overturned table.

CRASH! CRACK!

"NAUGHTY! NICE! NAUGHTY! NICE! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

Vi feels like killing Brainy right now, her face is so red.

"Brainy what did you do?!"

Brainy tries to cover his ears to drone out the destruction.

"I felt bad for what I said to you the other day, so I tried to build a robotic Santa Claus as a gift!"

"How did you figure that would help?!" Vi's hands were shaking as she said this.

"I don't know! To rekindle the magic of Christmas? He was fine when I scanned him! What did you do?!"

"I just gave him some hot cocoa! I didn't know it would short him out, because I didn't know HE WAS A ROBOT!"

CRACK! There went the fridge.

"This is impossible! I built his circuits so water wouldn't short him out!"

"Then why is he freaking out like that?!"

"I don't know! I think there was a malfunction in his naughty & nice circuitry."

"Well do something!" Vi yelled. The robot was destroying the kitchen. Brainy thought for a second. They needed a distraction. And it just came to mind.

"COMPUTO! Unleash the robot gopher!" At it's command, it released a thing the was half gopher, half robot into the kitchen, in front of the thing. The gopher's non-robotic eye twitched. Vi blanked.

"Brainy why did you have a robot gopher?"

"I don't know, Vi. That thing just popped up in my lab one day…"

FLASHBACK.

_"GIRL WITH COOKIES! GIRL WITH COOKIES! Computer! Release the robot gopher!" The gopher remembers it's former master, the alien called Zim. It got called out to deal with a little girl selling cookies in Zim's yard. It starts burrowing around underneath the yard as Zim watches._

_"Excellent, gopher! Just as I programmed you to do. Now! Complete your mission!"_

_The gopher popped out into the yard, facing the little girl, staring at it with unnerving eyes, when..._

_It does a little dance and disappears into a vortex in the sky._

_"I don't remember programming that."_

_Brainy is working on a matter-transporter device, when a big vortex opens up in the ceiling and the little robot gopher pops on down to the floor. Brainy just stares at in horror for a minute, it not doing anything._

END FLASHBACK

"Gopher! Go!"

The gopher looks up at the thing destroying the room, when it stops to look at the gopher. Brainy and Vi wait in anticipation, then leave as the thing gets distracted, when...

It does another little dance and disappears into another big vortex.

"Well that was a big waste." Vi said. Then, the robot caught sight of them leaving the kitchen, and they hurried out as he crashed through the walls, trying to catch them with his tendrils.

"DELETE! DELETE! NAUGHTY!"

"Quick, to my lab!" Brainy cried.

"You go! I'll keep him busy!" Vi said. Brainy flew off down the hall to his lab. Vi turned to face the robot monstrosity, murder in his eyes.

"HEY KRINGLE! The Easter Bunny leaves better presents in my slippers!"

"NAUGHTY! NICE! DELETE! DELETE!"

Vi started to run down the hall in the opposite direction Brainy ran in.

"You can't catch me fat man! I'm the gingerbread girl!"

"NAUGHTY! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

Vi dodged the tendrils fired at her by shrinking down into the floor. She kept on flying until she got back into the main longue and hid inside the Christmas tree. The Santa Robot barged in through the wall.

"NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY!"

_Give it a rest_, she thought. She waited until it was vulnerable enough, then she would strike. It was flailing around it's tendrils and claws, ripping apart everything in it's path. Vi thought about what pain it was having to clean this all up, when a tendril shot through the tree and almost grabbed her!

"DESTROY! DESTROY!"

The robot ripped off the top of the tree. The glass ornaments and lights shattered on the ground. Vi emerged out and regrew, giving the robot a square kick to the chest.

"Do you have any idea how long it took to decorate that tree?!"

"DESTROY! NAUGHTY! VERY NAUGHTY!"

The robot tendrils then destroyed the stockings hanging on the wall.

"Stuff this in your stocking!" she yelled as he went through the TV screen into the other room. A claw shot out at her, but she avoided it by doing a backflip. Then, another one grabbed her ankle and threw her out the door back into the kitchen. "OWW!" Vi yelled. "Watch it!"

"DELETE!"

Meanwhile, Brainy was trying to get one of the other Legionnaires on their communicator. He was having horrible luck.

"Come on, come on! Someone! Anyone! Kinetix! Phantom Girl! Guys, where are you?!"

"Brainy look out!" Vi cried as she flew in, the Santa robot right behind her.

"Sprock!" He cursed.

The two were huddled in the corner, the robot Santa was now in the lab and was destroying the place.

"I'm sorry, Brainy! I couldn't hold him off!" Vi said.

"No Vi! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have called your beliefs stupid!"

"And I'm sorry I said you were heartless!" Vi said with tears in her eyes.

"Vi, I love y-"

"Wait. There." Vi stopped him. He was confused.

"What?" All he could hear was the Santa bot.

"DELETE! DELETE!"

Vi held a hand up to her ear, trying to listen closer to what she heard. Her eyes became as wide as a deer in headlights. She whispered it to him.

"Sleigh bells ringing. Are you listening?"

They turned, the robot had stopped as well. There was now an old brick fireplace in the far corner of the lab. Soot came out, and then, they heard a thump, and a figure emerged.

"Ho ho ho!"

"Oh my God." Brainy gasped. The robot turned its red eyes to the person standing in front of the fireplace. A figure in red with black boots and large white sack came out. He had a crisp white beard, a noise like a cherry, a big belly, and a jolly smile.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Wow. Santa Claus IS real…" Brainy started.

And then they saw him take a giant bazooka from his sack.

"And he's packing heat!" Vi yelled.

"DELETE! DELETE!"

"Eat coal, you mechanized abortion!" Ol' St. Nick screamed at the rampaging robot.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Coal went right through the robot and came out diamonds. This confused it for a minute. Santa took out a candy cane and started talking into it.

"Elf Strike Force! Move out!"

KABOOM! Dozens of elves started coming in through security lines out of the ceiling, They looked like kids with pointed ears, but they were dressed in Christmas-styled military gear. If this was an action movie, you could've heard heavy metal music being played as they started charging at the robot.

"Hup hup hup hup hup!"

"Move it you pansys!" the elf commander shouted, sounding like R. Lee Ermey despite looking like a five-year old African American boy. They fired icicles, snowballs, Christmas light bolas, and garland wreaths to pull apart his tendrils.

"We got him sir!" An elf named Vanilla told the commanding officer.

"Launch the tinsel shockwave at him!" A elf named Jolly cried.

Three elves set up a large cannon and aimed it at the robot, who was trying desperately to delete the elves. Vi and Brainy just stood there with their mouths open in shock.

"Ready..." the commander named Snowy ordered.

"Firing!"

"DEL-"

There was a large discharge of electricity as the robot sizzled and screamed in agony, a robotic scream, as the electricity fried whatever fake skin was left and destroying his circuits. The thing let out a squeak as it fell to a heap on the floor. Everyone let out a sigh.

"Finally he shut up." Vi said.

"There. It's over."

"Now as for you, Brainy-"

Suddenly, the robotic skeleton jerked back to life and lunged out at Santa.

"Del-8-T-9-!"

"Look o-" Vi and Brainy started before…

"Hyyyyya!"

The two stopped when they saw a red-and-peach blur do gymnastics onto Robot Santa's shoulders, then it twisted his head off using her thighs like a James Bond girl, and kicked it over to Santa.

"Whoa. Is that…" Brainy started.

"Mrs. Claus?" Vi said in admiration. Mrs. Claus wore a red-and-white furred bikini, red high heels, and a Santa cap over her blonde hair. They could see her awesome, well-toned body.

"The missus got herself a makeover." She told them. Brainy's jaw dropped, and Vi felt jealous.

The Santa head rolled over to Santa. He aimed the coal gun at it.

"Feliz Navidad, baby."

BLAM! No more Robot Santa. The elves let out a sigh of relief. Mr. and Mrs. Claus exchanged Eskimo kisses. Vi slowly walked over to Santa.

"Santa? Is it you? Really you?"

"You tell me Salu." He told her. Brainy stepped from behind of Vi, looking very humble.

"Um, hi, Mr., uh, Claus. Sorry about that." He pointed to the remains of Robot Santa.

"It's alright, Brainy. My husband and I were prepared for this." Mrs. Claus told him.

"How'd you know my name?"

"We know everyone. It's what we do. We're like the CIA, except we don't torture people, we give them coal."

"This usually happens this time of year when some super-smart punk with a socket wrench mouths off to his girlfriend." One of the elves said.

"I didn't mouth off!" Brainy replied, not correcting the "girlfriend" part.

"Wait, Brainy…" Vi noticed. Her cheeks started to blush.

"Calm down now Holly." Santa told the elf. Holly grumbled.

"Holly's a girl's name." Brainy joked to the elf.

"I know."

Brainy got the hint. "Eww. Look, Santa, I wasn't trying to cause trouble. I just…"

Mr. Claus just laughed. "I know you had good intentions Brainy. But, I'm afraid you're still on the naughty list."

Vi stepped in for Brainy's defense. "But Mr. Claus, he was only doing it to cheer me up!"

"Oh not because of that." He told her.

"You're still working off when you tested a new type of sneezing powder on Chameleon Boy and told him it was Lightning Lad." Mrs. Claus informed. Vi gave Brainy a strange look. He was blushing.

"That was you?" "A-heh."

"So, what happens now?" Vi asked. "Well, I've got to be on my way for tonight."

"Wait, Santa. I have a question." Brainy stopped him. "Yes?" "How do you do it? Every house in one night?"

The elves and Mrs. Claus laughed. Santa smiled at Brainy and placed a finger on his noise.

"Brainy the truth is-."

"Well guys I-"

Zoë flew in with the pizza. She stood shocked at the scene.

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

"Huh?" The two blinked. That's when they noticed, Santa was gone! The elves, Mrs. Claus, the remains of Robot Santa, the fireplace, all gone! "Where'd he go?" Vi asked. "Who? Guys, what did you do?" Brainy and Vi turned to one another. Brainy cleared his throat.

"Look, what happened was-" Brainy started.

"The place looks great!" Zoë told them. "What?" They asked at the same time. ! "It looks better than when I left. You guys cleaned it up all by yourselves?" Zoë asked. Confused, the two left the lab and flew off. It was true. All the mess from the damage had been cleaned up. Nothing was broken, burned, or incinerated. Everything was sparkling and brand-new. They throught they heard bells ringing.

"Well? How'd you do it?" Zoë asked.

Vi and Brainy turned to one another and laughed.

"Well, we had a little help." Brainy said.

The following Christmas morning, Brainy and Vi were opening their gifts together.

"I got _Snow Shredder III: The Coaling_! Eeeh!" Vi squeaked. "What did you get Brainy?"

Brainy opened up a box in red paper, he pulled out the contents and smirked.

"…I got a rock." He held up a piece of coal.

"I'm sorry Brainy."

"It's alright Vi."

"Oh wait, you didn't open my gift yet." She handed him a box wrapped with blue paper decorated in silver bells. Brainy started to open the box, and he laughed as he took out what was inside. A stuffed white monkey named Koko.

"Thanks Vi, love it."

Then, she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you for trying to cheer me up."

He blushed madly. Vi laughed/snorted and looked up.

"Look, mistletoe."

"Who needs it?" he asked, and lunged at her.

"Merry Christmas Vi."

…

"So, what did you guys think? Who knew Saint Nick was such a player, huh? Well, here's to hoping you keep your faith in the spirit of the season, no matter what holiday you celebrate. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year."

Next Track:

****

03. Revenge of the Christmas Trees


	3. Revenge of the Christmas Trees

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes. **Edited**.

**Rainbow Girl**: Dori Aandraison of Xolnar. Wields the mysterious power of the emotional spectrum, leading to unpredictable mood swings.

* * *

We open up in a supposedly abandoned greenhouse on the outskirts of Gotham. The snow is falling heavily outside. It is a veritable jungle , which is when the plants start to give way, and we see a woman with red hair, green eyes, and white skin, in a green suit with boots and gloves.

"Well, hello darlings. Welcome to Gotham in wintertime. About as dreary as every other day of the year. The name's Ivy. But that's Poison Ivy to you."

Ivy began to walk through the greenhouse.

"As most of you know, I feel a general distaste for this time of year, when innocent trees are so ruthlessly hacked and mutilated by hormone crazed lumberjacks, then sold in empty lots and displayed in living rooms decorated with lights and color paper, like some cheap and gaudy sideshow of the dead!"

In her anger, Ivy accidentally ripped a rose off a bush. Seconds later she realized her folly and tried to apologize to the bush.

"Sorry baby. Anyway, my kudos to those of you who think eco-friendly ahead of time and decide on plastic and metallic alternatives, or simply decorating the trees growing in your backyard, or adopting one. Personally I don't bother, since the only thing Santa ever gives me is a one-way ticket to the funny farm and enough electro-shock to last 'till Groundhog's Day. But with most of the gang out doing their thing, Harley out with that insane Kewpie doll, and me being watched by a certain Caped Clod, I've decided to stick around for a little bit before going out, and entertain you with one of my favorite stories about this time of year. It's about a group of costumed kid rejects who try to save the day, and a boy who gets pulled into the middle of a big confrontation. It gives me great pleasure to bring to you this tale of botanical justice, which I've so aptly named…

****

03. Revenge of the Christmas Trees

It was snowing that day in New Metropolis, as Christmas was drawing near. In a clubhouse nearby, a group of teens were getting ready for the holiday.

Pete Dursin was tying up a bundle of his quills together to form a wreath and garland strands, as Ulu Vakk waited patiently so he may color them. Outside, Stag Mavlen was using his fire-breathing abilities to create ice sculptors to decorate the front. Inside, Dag Wentim was being used as a ladder while Drura Sehpt and Dori Aandraison decorated the higher areas of the clubhouse. And Ral Benem dug up a little bit of Earth, and planted a seed inside it.

"Grow!" he ordered, and out shout a huge fir tree, loaded with plenty of colorful fruits. Drura infected some of the fruits with a virus that turned them hard as stone, and Ulu changed the colors of some of them to better match the scenery.

"Hmmm. Move it a little to the left." At that command, Lydda Jath hoisted the tree up and moved it over to another part of the room. Ral used his abilities to reattach the roots of the tree. They all looked around at a job well done, and finished by sitting at their meeting table as they usually did.

"I officially call this meeting of the Legion of Substitute Heroes to order!" Pete stated. "Here, here!"

Ral Benem, a.k.a. Chlorophyll Kid, the rotund child from Mardru, could quicken plant growth. Ulu Vakk, a.k.a. the flamboyant Color Kid of Lupra, could change the color of anything. Drura Sehpt, a.k.a. the reserved Infectious Lass of Somahtur, was a host to a colony of hundreds of micro-organisms and could infect anyone with any disease she chose. Dag Wentim, a.k.a. the stoic Stone Boy of Zwen, could turn his entire body to stone. Pete Dursin, a.k.a. the prickly Porcupine Pete, could fire off quills that came out of his body. Stag Mavlen, a.k.a. the hotheaded Fire Lad of Schwarr, could breath fire. Dori Aandraison, a.k.a. the emotional Rainbow Girl of Xolnar, could tap into the emotional spectrum of the universe. And finally, Lydda Jath, a.k.a. the powerhouse Night Girl of Kathoon, had super-strength. The problem? They either suffered from major setbacks with their powers, couldn't control them fully, or weren't practical enough for the field of super-heroics. Each of these children, rejected by the Legion of Super-Heroes, got together to form the Legion of Substitute-Heroes, a team dedicated to proving their worth and filling in for the Legion every now and then.

"Okay, first order of business, who's leader for the week?"

They all turned to a big wheel, with each of their faces posted on it. Pete spun the wheel, until it landed on Lydda. Everyone clapped, except Dori, who's aura had shifted to red, signifying anger.

"Why the hell does she get to be leader? I haven't been picked in five weeks!" she yelled. "Dori, we've been over this before," Pete stated, "we're not favoring anyone."

"Liar!" She yelled. Her aura suddenly shifted to yellow for fear. "Y-you're all afraid of me, aren't you? Y-you think I'm a f-freak." "CK2?" Chlorophyll Kid asked Color Kid. "No problem CK1. Hey, Dori, you know what'll cheer you up?" "Don't hit me!" "What you need is some lovely cornflower blue!" Color Kid changed Dori's aura with his abilities. "Sorry guys." Dori apologized, now in a blue aura, symbolizing hope. "I'll try better at controlling my powers."

Night Girl went up to the head of the table. "Okay, for the second order of business, let's draw for the Secret Santa. You've got the bowl Dori?" "Got it right here cutie." Dori's aura was now violet, which meant love. She handed the bowl to Lydda. Lydda passed around the bowl, which was filled with slips of paper, that had every Subs' name written on them. Finally, the bowl was done, and everyone started to look at who they had drawn.

"Hey, who'd you get?" Color Kid whispered to Infectious Lass. "Don't tell anyone, but I got Rainbow Girl." she said as she took a puff from her inhaler. "Hey, I got Rainbow Girl too!" Color Kid cried out.

Stone Boy looked at his slip. "Rainbow Girl" it read.

"You're not the only one." Fire Lad held up his slip.

"What gives?" Pete asked.

"Dori, did you go orange?" Night Girl asked. "Sorry guys." She apologized again. "You know how greedy I can act when I'm orange." And then her aura shifted to red. "You got a problem with that?!"

...

The next day, the group was spending the day at the Galactic Galleria Mall, shopping for one another.

"Ooh I just love Christmas shopping! Some many wonderful things to buy for so many wonderful friends!" Ulu practically skipped his way through the crowds.

"Yeah, yeah." Stag said. "Listen can we hurry? I got things to do."

"Things that are more important than shopping for your friends?" Drura asked, taking another puff from her inhaler. "Hey, where'd Dori go?" Lydda asked. Dag just shrugged. "I think I just found out." Pete pointed near the fountain.

"The material possession is not what matters most. What matters is the sentimental value of which we place _into_ the possession."

Dori was sitting cross-legged in the center of a crowd, floating, thanks to her indigo aura unleashing compassion throughout her heart and body. She was sitting like a Buddha. "Let go of your material needs and embrace the love and goodwill behind them. Let go of your greed and embrace your fellow man."

"Only if you let go of your bong ya hippie!" someone in the crowd yelled. "Say that to my face meatloaf!" She went back to red.

Meanwhile, Ral was going through a gardening store looking for a special potted plant to give to Dag, whom he drew for the Secret Santa.

"_Help!_"

"Huh?" Ral looked around trying to figure out who said that.

"_Help!"_

He looked around, and then he realized where it was coming from. The plant he held in his hands.

"I must be hearing things." He said to himself.

_"Help me!_"

Ral freaked and nearly dropped the plant. The people around him gave him strange looks. He nervously laughed before hurrying into an uncrowded part of the gardening store. "Did you just talk to me?" he asked the plant. "_Yes!" _"Well, what do you want? I'm going crazy. I'm talking to an azalea!" "_You're not crazy! Go outside!_" "What? Why?" "_Just outside! Outside the mall, to the tree lot!_"

"...tree lot?"

"_THE CHRISTMAS TREE LOT!_" the plant yelled. Ral had to cover his ear with his free hands.

"The Christmas tree lot?"

"_Hello? Can you hear us?"_

"Uh, I guess I can."

"_Oh thank Gaia! Finally!_"

"The azalea said I should go out here. My name's Ral Benem, call me Chlorophyll Kid. You guys want to have a conversation or something?"

"_We need your help Mr. Benem!"_

"Yeah? What can I do?"

_"We've had it! We have had it with the way we are treated this time of year!_"

"This time of year? But it's Christmas!" Ral said. People were giving him funny looks.

_"Christmas? Ha! The only thing about Christmas we have to look forward to is dying prematurely!"_

"What?"

Back in the mall, the others had gotten back together.

"I'm sorry officer", Lydda apologized to a mall cop. "Make sure that friend of yours controls her temper!" The mall cop said. "Whatever you want gorgeous." Dori said, now purple. "Where's Ral?" Stag asked. "I think he went outside." Drura said.

"_Do you have an idea what it is like to watch your friends and family get chopped down by some sicko with a laser axe?!_"

"No, I don't. I'm sorry." Ral's smile started to falter.

"_Well I do! I had a whole family of saplings, watched them grow into big strong trees. And then we were all cut down by this lumbering monster with a crazed look in his eyes chopped us down. Do you know what it's like to listen to your family scream and to see them get mutilated and you can't do a thing?!"_

"N-no. No! I don't-"

"_I haven't seen my husband in so long. It hurts so badly!"_

_"Make the pain stop! Please! Make it stop!"_

_"I can't feel anything. I'm just so numb."_

_"I want to die. But I can't, I'm just living in pain."_

"Stop." Ral asked.

"_It hurts! It hurts so bad!"_

_"_Stop_."_

"_Make them stop! We're afraid!_

"Please stop." He begged him.

"_Help me! Help me!_"

"_We want justice and we'll get it! TONIGHT!"_

_"TONIGHT!"_

He tried to cover his ears, but he couldn't block them out. They all started screaming at once.

"Ral?"

"QUIET!"

The other Subs had backed up. Ral was kneeling in the snow, panting, and trying to block out the screaming. A family looked at him funny as they were buying a tree.

"STOP THAT!" He screamed, and pulled out some seeds which he tossed at them and grew into venus fly traps which started to attack them. They screamed as the Subs tried to stop him.

"Ral what's wrong with you?!" Lydda yelled. The others tried to subdue him. "Let me go! They won't stop screaming!" "Who won't stop screaming?" Pete asked while Dori and Stag dealt with fly traps.

"THE TREES! THEY WANT JUSTICE AND THEY'LL HAVE IT! THEY, they..."

Ral suddenly felt queasy, and then he passed out in the snow. The others looked at Drura, who was looking very scared. The others got around their friend with fear and concern masking their faces.

"Guys, we need help."

…

"Hey Lydda!"

The Subs had gone back to their clubhouse, and they tried to keep Ral pinned down in one of the rooms. Worried, Lydda decided to call in the Legion. She was looking up at Rokk Krinn, a.k.a. Cosmic Boy, her boyfriend.

"Rokk, can I please speak to Saturn Girl? It's an emergency."

Saturn Girl came on the screen.

"Lydda? What's up?"

"It's Ral. We think he had some kind of breakdown."

"Breakdown?"

"He keeps ranting that he can hear trees screaming for justice. He almost attacked some poor family for buying a Christmas tree!"

"Ral? Ral Benem? Chlorophyll Kid?" Saturn Girl asked skeptically.

"Lydda! Lydda!"

"Dru? What is it?"

"Ral's gone!"

In the room they were holding Ral in, Pete and Ulu were tied up with vines. At Legion HQ, Lightning Lad flew in the Monitor Room.

"Guys! There are reports of, get this, Christmas trees going on a rampage throughout the city!"

…

All over Metropolis, Christmas trees were coming to life, breaking out of homes, apartments, and buildings, and causing massive damage. Families huddled together in fear, people hid as best they could, because they were afraid they would be trampled by the revenge of the Christmas trees.

"Let's chop them down to size!" Pete fired his quills out at them, chopping some of them down.

"Yes!" he said.

"Uh, Pete?"

Fire Lad had a quill sticking out of his forehead.

"Sorry." Pete said as he pulled the quill out. Stag winced. They were almost attacked by a group of star-studded trees. The group had split up, and now Legionnaires and Subs were fighting off as best as they could. Lightning Lad flew above them and let out a discharge of electricity, which zapped the ones that had too many plugs hanging from it, and they blew up.

Color Kid changed Dori's aura to green, making her more willful and stronger, and she extended that aura to levitate Stone Boy.

"1...2...3!"

They charged at the trees and cleared out the path. The trees then surrounded Stag and Pete. "Get behind me Pete! Let's see how they like it hot!" Stag breathed fire at them.

"Careful Fire Lad or they might spread and cause a blaze!" Night Girl informed. She did a karate chop into one of them. Another with red and green garland lunged at her, until it was getting choked by its lights by Cosmic Boy.

Drura was almost ambushed by a large group of them, until her virus abilities and kicked in and they started to wither. Drura enjoyed it, until she slipped on her slime trail and fell on her butt. A fir with an angel was closing in on her until it was blasted away by a psychic pulse from Saturn Girl. They all got behind her psychic shield.

"Where's Polar Boy?" Saturn Girl asked.

"Went back to Tharr for the holidays. Said it's too cold." Pete informed her.

"You're kidding." Lightning Lad stated.

"Stop! I won't let you hurt them anymore!"

Everyone turned to see Chlorophyll Kid as he pointed to the ground and thorn brambles grew out trying to attack them. "Let's see how you like it!" It was a melee attack aimed at all of them, getting most of the Subs.

"CK1 stop it! You're hurting us!" Infectious Lass begged him. The thorns had just about surrounded Saturn Girl and Night Girl.

"Imra!" Lightning Lad cried.

"Lydda!" Cosmic Boy yelled.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" The two yelled together as they did a double attack of electrically charged sewer plates and hovercars tossed at the thorns, saving the two.

"_Please! Help us! Stop them! Stop everyone!" _The words shrieked in Chlorophyll Kid's head.

"Garth check the girls. I've got this one!"

Lightning Lad flew over to Lydda and Imra.

"Okay you-" Cos started.

"Rokk don't!" Lydda cried. "Ral! Listen to me! The trees are not talking to you!" Saturn Girl tried to knock some sense in him. "Yes, they are! I can't block them out!" "That's not them! It's a trick!"

"_Don't listen to her! Kill her! Kill them all!_" the voices inside his head screamed.

"K-kill? But, I can't-" he stuttered.

"_DO IT! KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW!_" They yelled. Then Saturn Girl interjects. "_GET OUT OF HIS HEAD NOW! RAL, LISTEN, LISTEN TO WHAT THEY ARE REALLY SAYING._"

Saturn Girl's eyes glowed pink, and Chlorophyll Kid started to hear what the trees were _really_ thinking.

"_Help us!_"

"_What's going on?_"

"_Why am I doing this? Why can't I stop?_"

"_Why am I spending my last weeks on the planet like this?_"

"_Someone, please, make me stop!_"

"But, but why?"

"_YOU RUINED EVERYTHING YOU BRAT! DIE!_"

"_OH, NO, YOU DON'T_!"

"CK1! You okay?"

"The trees. They stopped!"

Indeed. All the trees had suddenly stopped attacking and slunked to the ground.

"What happened?" Fire Lad asked.

"_Listen to me. Everyone. The trees were not the enemy. The one's responsible, it's-_"

…

"_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart_."

SMASH.

"So I'll take this instead." Tyr said, holding up a fine diamond necklace. The LSV, Legion of Super-Villains, were raiding a jewelry store as the Legion and the Science Police were busy with the rampaging trees.

"Killer Christmas trees? What'll we think of next?" Hunter asked.

"It's all thanks to Esper and our newest member. Ain't that right babe? Babe?"

Tyr looked over the counter, and Esper was slunked over, drooling and mumbling to herself.

"Uh-oh. Guys, we gotta get outta here! It's-"

"The LSV. We should've known. Only you maniacs would try to ruin Christmas for everyone else." Cosmic Boy said. They were floating in front of the store windows. He then noticed the new guy. "But you, you're new."

"The name's Terrus." The new member said. He wore a black body suit and a beige mask and gloves that made him look like an old scarecrow.

"What? Scarecrow King too stupid?" Lightning Lad smirked.

"Hello Terrus. My name is Rainbow Girl. These are my compatriots Night Girl, Color Kid, Stone Boy, Lightning Lad, and Cosmic Boy. I hope that we can end this conflict without having to harm one another." Blue Dori went to Red Dori. "I'm gonna kick his ass!"

"Send 'em back to their mommas in a body bag, boys!" The red-haired Titania ordered.

"Hey!"

"And girls." Titania corrected herself.

"Better." Silver Slasher and Wave said.

And with that they attacked. Rainbow Girl went after Titania. "You freaks trying to mess up my Christmas! I was lookin' forward to getting a hovercar, a new vid-screen for my room…"

Red Dori became Orange Dori.

"And they're mine! All mine!"

"Uh Ulu, you're girlfriend just started shoplifting!" Lightning Lad said, having finished up quickly with Echo. Orange Rainbow Girl started looting just like the villains. "Whoops." Color Kid says. "But she's not my girlfriend." Color Kid turned Orange Dori into Green Dori. "Sorry 'bout that. Where were we? Oh yeah. Face, meet fist!" WHACK! She punches out Titania.

"I haven't read up on you. Night Girl is it?" Radiation Roy asked.

"That's me. Have you met my friend Stone Boy?!"

WHACK! She sent him flying across the room and through the building, using Stone Boy as a bat. "And he's out of here!"

"And so are you!"

Magno Lad ripped the metal paneling off the walls with his magnetic abilities and fired it at Lydda, only to have it reversed back at him, courtesy of Cosmic Boy. "No one messes with my girl!" Night Girl beams, before picking up a dazed Magno Lad and trying to shake answers out of him.

"So, you guys were behind the whole thing! Making Chlorophyll Kid think that the trees were talking to him! Bringing them to life and providing the distraction so you could loot these homes and stores." She noticed they had many full sacks, probably from wherever they started before coming here.

"Wow. You Subs aren't as stupid as you look." Tyr quiped.

"Why? Why would you try to destroy the city during the season of goodwill?" Indigo Dori turned to Red Dori. "And how the hell did you freaks bring them trees to life?!"

"I brought them to life, using these!" Terrus spoke up up. He raised his hand to reveal a mini micro-chip. "Organic micro-chips designed to spread like spores in pine and fir trees that have been selling through the many Christmas tree lots in this country. We activated them to keep the rest of the Legion busy."

"Genius. It's based on the work of the late Alec Holland and Pamela Isley." Stone Boy said.

"And Chlorophyll Kid?" Cosmic Boy asked.

"All Esper. She made the sap think the trees were talking to him, pleading for their lives. Heh, chlorophyll, tree, sap." Hunter says. "That witch doesn't know when to quit, does she?" Lightning Lad remarked, mostly to himself.

"But why?" Color Kid asked.

"It's a well-known fact that you Subs probably suffer from either poor power control or some mental condition. So we decided to go for both with Plant Boy's ability to make stuff grow. We figured the rest of you losers wouldn't be smart enough to go to the Legion for help." Titania states.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but-" Indigo Dori went back to Red Dori. "Shut the sprock up She-Man!"

"Say that to my face, bitch!" Titania charged at her. And Dori didn't move. "Bring it!" Red Dori turned to Yellow Dori. "I can't do this I can't do this I can't-"

"Dori watch out!"

Titania pushes her out the window. Her yellow aura prevented her from flying, until finally...

"You're safe, Dori." Lightning Lad caught her. "My hero." She said as they landing on the ground. Yellow Dori turned to Violet Dori as she kissed him on the cheek. She then started stroking his beard. "So sexy, you doing anything later?"

"Well, actually..." Lightning Lad said, blushing and contemplating it, when he was interrupted.

"Yes he is!"

The others turned to Saturn Girl, Infectious Lass, Fire Lad, Porcupine Pete, and Chlorophyll Kid, and behind them were all the Christmas trees. They were followed by Cosmic Boy, the Subs, and the villains, the ones still conscious, who came down from the store.

"You made me hurt my friends." He said to the villains, very calmly. "Go bitch to someone who cares." Hunter said.

"First, say hello to my new friends. They don't like being used." Chlorophyll Kid stated.

"Uh-oh." Is all Silver Slasher said.

"ATTACK!"

"Not the face!" Wave begged.

The Legionnaires and the Subs got up in the air, and they looked down and watched in horror as the villains got pummeled by the trees.

"Ooh!" Lightning Lad said, "That's gotta hurt!" Saturn Girl winced. Night Girl covered her eyes. Color Kid tsk-tsked. Cosmic Boy had his arm around Night Girl and turned her around. "Don't worry it about it Lydda." "Who's worried? I was straightening out my cape."

"They're everywhere!" Titania cried.

"Terrus you moron! Shut them down!" Tyr orderd.

"I'll try, but something's overriding it!"

"Me." Saturn Girl said.

"I need my-"

"Looking for this?" Orange Dori held up the remote. "It's mine now, sucker."

"They're like cockroaches!" Silver Slasher screamed. "Cockroaches!"

"So you took Esper down, babe?" Lightning Lad asked Saturn Girl. "Yep. She won't be acting out for a while now." "What's 'a while'?" "I'd say until next Christmas." "That's my girl."

"Well, looks like the holiday was saved." Fire Lad said. "Sorry about wigging out, guys." Chlorophyll Kid apologized. "Ah don't worry about CKI." Pete tells him. "The important thing is that you're all better." Infectious Lass said as she took a puff from her inhaler. "Can't say the same for those losers!" Night Girl said. "Poor souls. I shall pray for them." Everyone turned to Dori. "Not!" She said, STILL Indigo. Then they all started laughing together.

"OH GOD MY SPINE!"

…

Ivy looked down from atop a snowy rooftop.

"You're probably wondering why the kiddies won, aren't you? I guess it's my maternal instincts kicking in, even at this time of year."

She turned her head so we see that she is looking down on St. Fiacre Orphanage. A plant tendril knocked on the door loud enough for someone to answer. When someone did, they were amazed to see that in the yard there were dozens of fruit trees and vegetable patches withstanding the winter cold.

"Well, I guess it's not all bad."

That's when Ivy reached down and pulled out her shopping bags of stolen goods, and the same plant tendril brought her down to her car in the alley. As she finished putting them in her trunk, she closed the door, and she found that she had a visitor standing in the alley.

"Oh come now, lover. It is Christmas after all."

He just stared at her.

"Do I at least get a head start?"

Within five seconds Ivy was speeding out of the alley through the streets, being followed close enough.

"So, looks like I'm not spending Christmas alone, am I? Well, catch you around. And may your Christmas be a green one!"

Next Track:

****

04. Mistletoe Mugshots


	4. Mistletoe Mugshots

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, or Booster Gold, but I do own Ebony Dent, and if used without my consent, FLMAING DEATH WILL RAIN FROM THE SKY AND DESTROY EVERY INCH OF YOUR MISBEGOTTEN LIVES! I guess there is a little favoritism in this. But, so what, I'm the author! And this is not cartoon Booster. But he's just the narrator, so don't worry. Kinda rushed, but the best I can do running on Crab chips, coffee, and soda at 2 AM when you can't sleep.

**Calorie Queen**: Taryn Loy of Bismoll. Superstrength gained through consumption.

**Dawnstar**: From Starhaven. Wings and tracking skills.

**Wildfire**: Drake Burroughs of Earth. Made up of antimatter energy.

**Monstress**: Candi Pyponte-Le Parc III. Superstrength, durable hide, energy absorption, invulnerability.

* * *

We open up the lab of time traveller, Rip Hunter. But Rip isn't there right now. It's none other than...

"Booster Gold, at your service."

"And the ever reliable Skeets." The little gold robot floated beside him.

"So, I'm pretty busy making sure that the time stream doesn't get destroyed, but I'm not too busy to know that Christmas is coming. Back in the day, when I was a selfish glory-hog-"

"Was, sir?"

"Shut up Skeets. Anyway, I acted like a really big jerk to most women, especially around the holidays. And espcially around mistletoe. This story is about that, and why you should never mistletoe unfairly. A lesson that this guy is gonna learn."

Skeets displayed a projection of...

"Matter Eater-Lad. Name: Tenzil Kem. Homeworld: Bismoll. Abilities: Matter-consumption."

"Thanks Skeets. Now, this guy, he's about to do something really stupid. About as stupid as something I would've done back in the day. It involves him, some girls, some guys, and a video camera as Mr. Kem here stars in a new TV show called...

**04. Mistletoe Mugshots**

The Legionnaires flew into the lounge one-by-one. They took their seats in the room filled with holiday decorations as Tenzil Kem, the somewhat scrawny Matter-Eater Lad standing in front.

"Okay, glad you're all here. Anyway, I wanted to show you guys the premiere of my new TV show. And I wanted to thank those of you who gave me a helping hand. A very helping hand."

Imra put her head in her hands. Tinya was biting her fingernails. Vi was blushing madly and looking down at the floor. The Trips held one another for moral support.

"Is this going to be awful?" Chameleon Boy asked.

"It'll be great! Trust me! I'm a senator!"

...

"Hey ho couch potatoes! It's Tenzil Kem, Matter-Eater Lad, and I've got me a brand-spanking new TV show for the holiday season! It's called **Mistletoe Mugshots**, and it stars some of your favorite Legion gals along with yours truly! We used our cameramen to go live in Legion HQ, and get some of the girls to go seven seconds in heaven with the Matter-Master here. You know, you'd think Phantom Girl would be pretty spoiled, with a mom for president and two guys chasing after her, but she's not so spoiled that she won't give me the time of day. Let's watch!"

_"Tenzil, I need to talk to you about something."_

_Phantom Girl flew into the lounge looking for Tenzil._

_"What is it Tinya?"_

_"It's about that petition I signed, I-"_

_"Shh. Enough about that. Look."_

_He pointed to the ceiling, showing the sprig of mistletoe hanging._

_"It's mistletoe." He told her. "So-" she was cut off as he pulled her into an embrace and french kissed her. Tinya's screams were muffled as he dipped her. When he was was done, she backed away to the wall, her mouth shaking in fear as her eyes were as big as saucers._

_"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"_

_She didn't reply, and just phased out through the wall._

"Let's go to the snapshot!" he said, as they should a snapshot of that scene frozen in time. In the picture, Tinya's horror and Tenzil's pleasure were multipled ten fold.

"I don't care what people say. They may call Imra an ice queen, but she is HOT! Lightning Lad the lucky jerk. But I love 'em anyways."

_In the conference room, Imra flew in to meet Tenzil._

_"You wanted to talk to me Matter-Eater Lad?" she asked. "Yes Saturn Girl. I'm afraid I have a problem!" "What is it?" "I, I think I have feelings for you!" "Tenzil I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend." "I know my dear, but frankly..." he pulled out the mistletoe._

_"I don't give a damn!" She was five seconds too late, and he grabbed her in an embrace. When they were done, she just stood there with her mouth open in shock. Tenzil closed it and said "I don't think it's going to work."_

"Snapshot time!"

He showed them a snapshot, freezing the moment when Tenzil got to first base with Imra.

"They may call her Shrinking Violet, but I know there's an animal inside just waiting to get out. RAWWRR!"

_"Vi! I need your opinion on something."_

_Vi flew up to him._

_"What is it?"_

_"How's my breath?" he asked her. She smelled it. __"It's fine."_

_"Great."_

_Then he lunged at her. When he was done, she ran off screaming._

_"Just wanted to be sure."_

He showed the snapshot of his quick tet-a-tet.

"I actually managed to get all the Trips. All Three! Man, Bouncing Boy is one lucky dog."

_"Pig!" Orange Trip cried._

_"Monster!" Purple Trip screamed._

_"I've had better." White Trip insulted._

He showed three separate pictures of him kissing the Trips, each more horrified than the last.

"Now those I expected..."

_"Yoo-hoo! Kem! There's mistletoe..."_

_"Uh-oh." he said as Monstress ran out at him._

"While some I was not expecting."

He showed a picture of Monstress squeezing the life out of him as she kissed him. His eyes were bugging out.

"I'm still working out the kinks from that last one."

"And some were kinda discreet." The picture was filled with shadow.

"Others were a bit regal about it." Tenzil and Princes Projectra were doing it properly.

"And some were just wild!" Tenzil was being glomped by Catspaw.

"And don't worry. These girls gave me one-hundred percent O.K. to go along with this well-before filming started. Why else would I go after them? Trust me! I'm a senator!"

...

The girls remembered what happened after they got attacked, and we're told what was going on by the cameramen.

_They flew into his room, a mess, discarded mail everywhere, ones from Bismoll, bills, and one from a Miss Aries, dirty clothes, and a complete collection of comedy vids. He was laying on his bed, looking like a king._

_"What the hell Kem?!" Tinya screamed._

_"Where do you get off?!" Imra ordered him to answer._

_"Ladies please! It's just a little mistletoe!"_

_"Mistletoe is one thing! Going after us with cameras and taking holos for your own sick pleasure!" Orange Trip and Purple Trip were trying to hold back White Trip._

_"And the pleasure of the viewing audience of the galaxy." He joked._

_"You squaj wad! I'm gonna-" Vi started._

_"You're not going to do anything." He calmly stated._

_"You can't take us all on, Kem!" Vi put up her fists._

_"But my lawyers can."_

_"What?" they all asked._

_"Read this." He took out a bunch of vid-screens, each containing their signatures. __"Oh dear God." Tinya moaned. Tenzil started to explain. __"Confidentiality agreements. Legally binding that state that you cannot lay a hand on me, nor can sue me or the broadcasting network."_

_"How'd you get our signatures?!" Trip yelled. "Wait, this that 'Save the Rainforest' bulletin I signed, isn't it?!" Vi cried. They had each signed some 'Save the Whatever' that Tenzil was passing around. How did he get this sneaky?_

_"Well fine, we'll just tell the boys, and everyone else!" Trip threatened. Tenzil just kept on his smirk. __"No, I don't think you will. A funny little clause I put in there. You can't tell anyone else about these agreements, or you get sent to jail." __"He can't do this! Can he?" Tinya asked Imra. She was reading down the agreements, and had a look of horrible lamentation in her eyes. __"I'm sorry girls. He's right. We can't do anything."_

_"Bull! Cham's dad is loaded! We can buy this out!" The Trips offered. Tinya and Vi nodded excitedly at this, until Imra shook her head. __"Uh, girls." She pointed to the top of the agreement, and their jaws dropped. __"He got to R.J.." "And I got you. I got you all so good." They didn't say a word, they just left, and some were about to started crying. __"I hope he gets his fingers ripped off by angry bikers." Vi wished. __"Girls please. You're being too easy on him." Imra said. Tenzil just put his arms back and lied on the bed looking up at the ceiling._

_"Ah I love life."_

…

With that, the show was over. Some thought it was funny, but for others, not only had it hit the wall, it boucned off and ruined the new white couch and the Picasso hanging next to the bookcase. Vi was the first to attempt to even try at just communication.

"Brainy…" Vi tried to apologize. He couldn't look at her.

"Don't. Just, just don't Vi."

"It was just a little mistletoe. What's the harm?" The Trips had their own problems with Bouncing Boy. They thought he'd take it as a joke, but he wasn't laughing.

"Mistletoe is fine! But this!" He flew off. The three tried to hold one another for comfort as they started to cry. "Oh Bouncy…"

Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl were having a scowling match, and he went first.

"Nice Princess. Really classy." She had her hands on her hips. "How dare you! I don't have to-!" A vid-phone screen popped up behind her, with her mother's angry face.

"TINYA WAZZO! What have you d-!" "SHUT IT MOM! And you-! Ugh! There's no point!" She flew off. "You bet there isn't!" he called after, and left to do some anger baking. Lightning Lad, surprisingly, was trying the diplomatic thing and wanted to Imra to tell him what was going on.

"Imra just talk to me!"

"I-I can't! I just-." She choked on her words.

"Fine. You won't talk, I'm not sticking around to hear it when you do."

"Garth!" She ran after him.

"I hope you're proud of yourself Kem." Wildfire said to the still grinning Tenzil. "A little." Tenzil replied. "You don't care that you've practically ruined four relationships, do you?" Dawnstar asked him. "Ratings, babe. Hey! You wanna be in the sequel?" he asked.

"PIG! Hyah!" He received blasts from Drake and a kick to the groin from Dawny, which sent him flying across the room.

"I wasn't looking to get my tree decked."

In the other room, the girls were all in tears, and they couldn't turn to the ones they loved.

"What do we do?" Tinya said as she tried to dry her eyes.

"I don't-" Imra started. Then, the doors hissed open.

"Don't worry girls."

They turned to the person in the doorway. That person had a very dark smile on.

"Vengeance will be long and it will be painful."

…

That night, Lightning Lad was snoring off the day's troubles, fast asleep, when the doors hissed open.

"Psst!" she poked his arm.

"Eh…" he said, and went back to sleep.

"Psst!" she tried again. He didn't reply. "PSST!" Still nothing. She rubbed her temples. Then, she noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt, showing off his well-toned abs and chest, and the covers weren't covering him completely. She smirked. And, with that, she decided now would be the perfect opportunity, and pulled out a 31st Century equivalent of a camera. CLICK! CLICK! CLICK. The flash didn't wake him.

"Some stocking stuffers for Imra. And Nura. And Lyle. Psst!" She tried again. He snored even louder.

"Oh an elephant wouldn't sleep through this. Garth! Wake up!"

He cracked his eyes open a little bit, and the movement indicated he was looking at her.

"Not now Ivy, Harley wants some attention."

She sighed, and decided to go for a more sneaky approach. She leaned close and whispered into his ears...

"Garth, it's Imra, Cos'll be back any minute."

He shot right up out of bed. "I'm up! I'm up! I…"

He turned the lights on, and saw who it was. Tenant Ebony Dent, the seventenn-year old with long black hair and blue eyes. "Nice." He groaned.

"Come on." She grabbed his arm and started dragging him out of the room. "What? It's the middle of the night." "Just come on." She said and pulled him out into the hall. "And be quiet." "Can I at least put a shirt on? It's freezing!" He said as he tried rubbing his arms for warmth. "I need you awake and alert for this farmboy. Now let's go."

In the conference room, Brainy, Chuck, and Brin all waited, all half-sleep. Brainy was wearing a magenta sleeping robe over purple sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Chuck had on blue sweatpants and an oversized blue shirt with a white stripe going around the end. And Brin had on orange sweatpants and a white tanktop.

"I don't have time for this…" Brainy moaned as he rubbed the sand of sleep from his eyes.

Chuck looked down and saw that Brin was wearing fuzzy grey wolf slippers on his feet. "Aren't those a bit redundant?" he joked. Brin narrowed his eyes at Chuck.

"Yeah? Well horizontal strips sure ain't your friend, fat boy." he rasped at him.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, I'm just cranky."

Then, Ebony and Garth came in. She put the boys in a circle so they could all face her.

"You want to know what happened?" Ebony asked. "At least someone's gonna tell us." Brin said. "We were tricked." She told them. "What?" Chuck asked. At that, she took out the confidentiality agreements that Tenzil had made the girls sign, and handed the ones belong to the boys' girlfriends. She explained to them the truth as they held the vid-screens to their face.

"Kem, the jerk, tricked us all into signing confidentiality agreements about this. We weren't allowed to any of you about them, and we couldn't sue or hurt him or we get arrested."

They each lowered the screens, slowly. They weren't scowling, their lips were neutral. But their eyes, their eyes contained ravenous, insane anger that needed an outlet before everyone and everything in its path was wiped out.

"That-" Brin started.

"Son of-" Chuck continued.

"A Sprocking-" Garth added.

"BITCH!" Brainy finished. He cracked the one he had in his hands.

"So he told everyone that we all agreed to it ahead of time." She finished.

"Wait, how can you be telling us this?" Brin asked.

"Because _I _didn't sign it. Elsbeth Diante did." Ebony smirked as she handed them her agreement, but her name wasn't at the bottom. Elsbeth Diante was.

"Why didn't you sign your name?" Brin asked.

"I never give out my name."

"So you let him go unpunished? That's big for you." Brainy was surprised. But Garth knew better. He saw her smirk, and he smirked.

"What did you do?"

She reached from behind her back and pulled out the snapshot Kem had taken of her, only this time, she landed a punch right through his jaw.

"Let's just say Santa better be getting him some new front teeth this year."

"Nice." Garth said. They high-fivedone another. Then she told them "But that's not enough. He really did a mean thing to the rest of them, except Candi, who hasn't shut up about it since." The others contemplated what they told their respective loved ones earlier.

"God, what I said to Imra."

"I actually snapped at Trip. Me!"

"I hope we make him burn."

"What do we do?"

"I'm not taking any credit for this, but I think you should decide how to repay Tenzil for his 'Christmas charity'. Just don't kill him, 'kay Shaggy?" She told Garth. He gavea lopsided grin. "I can't promise that for the rest of them." "Whatever. Just be creative." And with that she was gone. The four sat around the room, thinking about what to do.

"It has to be original, and it has to be something he won't forget for a long, LONG, time." Brainy said.

"Like…?" Chuck asked.

"Guys, I got one." Brin said. They all leaned in as he whispered his idea.

"Oh that is sick." Chuck giggled.

"That's horrible." Garth laughed.

"That's great." Brainy flashed a thumbs-up.

"So should we…?" Brin asked. They looked at one another in contemplation, until they all agreed...

"Bitch going down!"

…

The screen turned on to the four sitting in the conference room. They each had a smile on.

"Hey dudes! I'm Garth, and this is Chuck, Brainy, Brin, and you're watching a very special edition of **Mistletoe Mugshots**."

"Girls, we're sorry we got mad at you. And we found out the whole story from a reliable source." Brainy apologized.

"Very reliable." Chuck said.

"So, to make it up to you…" Garth started.

"We decided to give you an early gift." Brin said.

"It's the gift that keeps on giving." Chuck finished.

"VENGEANCE!" They said together.

"We decided that if Tenzil Kem was so willing to spread Christmas cheer through the magic of mistletoe, he wouldn't mind doing it again in the one place that needs it most." Garth revealed.

"A men's maximum security prison!" Chuck exclaimed.

"I don't know what's more classic. The fact that even though Tenzil was already facing getting his face torn off by moi…" Brin said.

"And flash-fried by your truly…" Garth stated.

"He'd be looking forward to getting shanked with a candy cane by one of the more surly inmates." Chuck revealed.

"Let's go to the tape." Brainy said, and they popped it in.

_"Oh God oh God oh God I'm-"_

_"Pucker up, princess."_

_Tenzil was strapped to a chair tied up in red and green wrapping paper. Garth and Brin stood on both his sides, as Brainy recorded it and Chuck kept the line moving. Above him was a big piece of mistletoe. He was looking green, and the others were watching in wonderful satisfaction._

_"I think I'm gonna-"_

_He was cut off by a big, burly Braalian with lip piercings, tattoos on his face, and only three teeth in his mouth._

_"Hey cutie, how'd you like to stuff my stocking?"_

_The man frenched him for twenty seconds._

_"Please, I haven't done anything to-"_

_Next up was a Rimborian who had his black hair in cornrows and spoke in a high, girly fashion._

_"Aren't you just a tasty little gingerbread man?"_

_MWAH!_

_Then, a fat Puerto Rican man._

_"Buenos." he said as he laughed perversely. This sent shivers even in the other prisoners and the four._

"Ooh, just look at them go!" Chuck exclaimed.

"BLECH!" Tenzil did. The four cheered on.

"Now let's go to the snapshots!" Garth said. They started pulling up snapshots of Tenzil with the guys he was forced to lock lips with.

"Oh!"

"Ha!"

"Merry Christmas Tenzil!" Brainy said.

"Oh my God one of them was wearing lipstick!" Chuck noticed.

"Is that-? Someone wrote their cell number on his face!" Brin pointed out.

"Where'd that roach come from?" Garth couldn't hold his sides looking at the cockroach that was crawling over a barely conscious Tenzil, who had puke smeared over his lips and a Santa hat.

"Now let's hear what the lucky dogs had to say about Mr. Reliable." Brainy said. They went to videotapes of interviews with the prisoners.

_"He made me feel special in ways I didn't understand."_

_"He was SUCH a better kisser than my boyfriend. I hope you can hear this Craig!"_

_"I can!" The man's boyfriend said from off screen._

_"He smelled like my mother. Heh heh heeee!"_

"And here he is, Mr. Reliable himself!"

Brin and Chuck wheeled Tenzil in, who was completely unresponsive. A neon arrow on the screen was blinking, pointed at Tenzil, with words written next to him.

"_Wishes he were dead right now_."

"So, that's it. Now, we've gotta see if our girlfriends will talk to us again." Chuck said.

"So keep it real, and have a Merry Christmas!" They all said together. And Tenzil started crying.

…

At Takron-Galtos, two roommates are watching the new edition in the lounge.

"You see? I told you I could influence him all the way from here." The red-haired Eve Aries said.

"I didn't think delayed-action hypnotism would work. That'll teach the jerk to send us fruitcake." Taryn Loy smiled with glee.

"Merry Christmas Miss Loy."

"Merry Christmas Miss Aries."

One of the guards came in.

"Ladies, you got a package!"

"Huh?" Taryn asked. "I wonder what it is?"

BOOM!

The two were covered in smoke as their room got destroyed. A piece of paper floated down to the floor. It read...

WE DON'T LIKE BEING USED!

The deliveryman got back on his ship, and took off his hat.

"Merry Christmas indeed." Tenzil said.

...

"What? You didn't think I'd let the bad guys win, didya?" Booster asked.

"If I may say sir, you're storytelling abilities are flawless." Skeets complimented.

"Why thanks, Skeets."

A red light started flashing.

"Uh oh." Booster started. "Sorry kids, but it looks like someone's trying to stop the big guy from being born. I gotta go."

He hopped into the Time Bubble and started off.

"Have a happy Christmas! While you can still remember it!"

FLASH!

And they were gone.

Next Track:

**05. Jack Frost's Revenge**


	5. Jack Frost's Revenge

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes. Bombshell created by Geoff Johns and Tony Daniels. This story may sound strange, almost like the Santa Clause, a little. Bombshell is comics-only Titan. Not sure I did the characterization right though. And don't worry, next chapter it's back to the guys you're all familiar with. Some dialogue borrowed from _Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes_. Hoped this turned out okay.

**Element Lad**: Jan Arrah of Trom. Transmutative abilities.

**Shvaughn Erin**: Officer with Science Police. Girlfriend of Element Lad.

* * *

Titans Tower, California. It was warm this time of year, but it was still Christmas. The Tower had been decked out with all manner of holiday decorations, and inside the main lounge area, there was a girl in a deep violet tank top with a red Captain Atom symbol, jeans, boots, dog tags around her neck, gloves, and chrome skin, chrome eyes, and short chrome hair.

"Hey squirts. The name's Amy Allen. Airman Allen. Bombshell."

Bombshell started to walk through the lounge,

"Since most of you never heard 'a me, I guess a little background's in order. Rather than facing jail, I got recruited into a military OPsproject Project Quantum, and they grafted me withthe same super-metal that bonded with CaptainAtom, turnin' me into the nuclear-powerhouse Bombshell. I did a stint with the Teen Titans, and quit, but that was mostly because I got hired to. The guy paid me to find something the Titans had stashed here. The short version: there was a big fight, they got it back, I got sent to jail, and then the jerks I were working for slit my throat. Lucky for me that this shell of mine had healing properties. After the military was planning on getting my body back from Belle Reve, I got back up and about. And I learned I could this."

Bombshell doesn't give it a thought, and she reverts to normal Amy Allen. Then back to Bombshell.

"Coolhuh? So, after this whole other thing withthe Titans, I got sent to stay with them since someone'sbeen out to get me, the same guys who tried to take my body. 'Course, I'm only staying with these losers 'cuzof my dad. But, I'm willing to do good. And, it gives me time to look back on the old days. I kinda realize I acted like a real loudmouth, still do. And I mouthed off to all the wrong people. And look how well that paid off."

She stopped to clear her throat and get back on track. But before she did, Amy put a Captain Atom symbol decoration on the big tree in the lounge.

"So, the writers told me I gotta talk about some guy named Morgna. I actually knew a Morgna. Deborah. Called herself Sun Girl. She was part of Titans East, the freaks who tried to cut me up. But I'm all better now. This story's 'bout her brother, cousin, relative, whatever, from a world far displaced from mine. Name's Dirk Morgna, Sunboy. And his two friends Jan and Shvaughn. Pfft. What kinda guy's named Jan? Anyway, ol' Dirk's 'bout to learn a lesson about shootin' your mouth off to the wrong person. 'Specially at Christmastime. The title may be stupid, but I'm sure the plot works. It's a tale of wintertime satisfaction from one dude who is seriously overworked. It's all about…

****

05. Jack Frost's Revenge

It was snowing very hard that day at the New Metropolis spaceport. Flights off-planet were booked solid, and people were crowded all over waiting for their ships off planet for their holiday vacations. Three such people were the Legionnaires Dirk Morgna of Earth, a.k.a Sun Boy, Jan Arrah of Trom, a.k.a. Element Lad, and Jan's girlfriend, Science Police officer Shvaughn Erin. You could probably tell the three if you picked them out in a crowd. Shvaughnhad shoulder length red hair and green eyes. Jan had short blonde hair, brown eyes, and a short goatee that started at the bottom of his lip and ended at his chin (Was that how you described it?). Dirk had a mane of long blondehair, and black eyes with red pupils. At the moment, Jan and Shvaughn were trying to find out about their ship to the pleasure planet Restoria, while Dirk grumbled to himself about how long it was taking them to get out of there. He was sitting in one of the seats near the docking bay, complaining to himself and thinking out loud.

"Stupid snow. How long is it gonna be before I'm off this dreary rock?"

"Penny for your thoughts mister?"

Dirk almost jumped out of his skin when that person spoke to him. He turned his head, and saw a little kid with short black hair and unusual blue eyes.

"What do you want kid?" "My name's Johnny." The kid told him. "Why are you in such a bad mood, Mr. Morgna?" Dirk wasn't surprised the kid knew his name. He was a Legionnaire, and that meant fame. It also meant dozens upon dozens of swooning girls waiting at his beck and call. 'I'm waiting for my flight out of here." Dirk said. "What's wrong? You're not looking forward to a white Christmas?" "White Christmas? Ha! The only color I want my Christmas to be is red hot." "I guess you don't like winter then." "Like winter? Kid, I absolutely hate winter." "Why?" "Why? I'll tell you why." Johnny's smile started to fade as Dirk listed his reasons. "I hate the snow, I hate the cold, I hate the dark and windy nights, I hate the ugly grey color the sky turns and then that ugly feeling you get when the sun causes everything to turn to mush. I hate having to use my fire powers as the Legion's personal snow blower in case any of it is blocking HQ. I hate getting the flu and having to eat chicken soup, and the way your skin cracks and blisters from the cold, or when your nose starts to drip and it's like that for an hour no matter what you do."

"There must be one god thing you like about winter." Johnny asked. "The only good thing about winter is Christmas, and when they let you stay home from school because of the snow, but then your parents make you shovel everything instead of letting you stay inside and be warm. And all those stupid stories they tell you about it like about the bitchy Snow Queen and that annoying Jack Frost. That's why I hate winter."

"You don't like Jack Frost?" "Kid, I hate to burst your balloon, but Jack Frost ain't real. Wait, why am I telling you this?" Dirk asked. Johnny then slowly smiled a cold and unnerving smile Dirk had only seen once before. In that old movie _The Omen_. "Have a merry Christmas Dirk. You earned it." Johnny said, before he honked Dirk on the nose.

"Hey!" Dirk cried. He heard the kid laugh and run off.

"You've got to work on your people skills, Dirk."

He looked up, and there were Jan and Shvaughn with their bags.

"Little-Hey, where'd he go?" Dirk looked around. Johnny disappeared.

"Beats me. Let's go, the ship's leaving soon." Jan informed them. Rubbing his nose, Dirk set off with the other two for their flight. As the ship blasted off into space, Johnny looked up from the window.

"Oh yes, a red hot Christmas for you Dirk. You most certainly earned it."

…

"Beautiful."

"What Dirk?"

"Shvaughn."

The planet Restoria, a tropical paradise every day of the year, except monsoon season. People from all over the galaxy vacationed at the five-star hotels they built on it. Business was booming at the holidays. The hotels were decked out in tropical Christmas gear, and all the other holidays celebrated. Palm trees and alien plants with Christmas lights, alien Santas asking for money for charity, and Christmas trees in the lobby.

At the pool of the Jordan Memorial Hotel, Shvaughnwas tanning by the pool while Dirk and Jan were cooling off inside it. Shvaughnwas wearing a futuristic equivalent of a bikini, which was two pieces of cloth designed like green leaves covering only enough of her breasts, and a black thong. Jan was wearing a black and white pair of bathing shorts with his Element Lad symbol, while Dirk was wearing a black speedo with a flame design to show off his muscles and other... assets.

"Yeah she is." Jan agreed. She waved to the two, and they waved back, when they saw some guy try to put the moves on her, and she flipped him on his back for saying something crude.

"How'd you do it Jan? How'd you hook a girl like her?" Dirk asked. Jan simply laughed. "Shvaughn's a nice girl, and according to her I'm a nice guy. We like the same things and I listen to what she says."

"Uh huh. What's the catch?" Dirk asked. Someone dived in the pool. "No catch. Dirk, the reason you can't keep a girlfriend is because you treat women like you treat hovercars." "With pride?" "Like toys. Talk to girls like a person, and Shvaughn'll give the time of day." I see." He started to think about it/

"But you do realize that if you ever lay a hand on her, I'll transmute your face onto your ass. And vice versa." Jan warned. "Yeah, yeah. Come on Jan, you know I'd never get it on with someone else's girl."

The two started swimming around the pool instead of staying in the same place, when Dirk noticed something odd. "Hey, why is the water so warm?" Jan gave Dirk a funny look. "A peed-in-the-pool joke, Dirk? Really?"

"No I'm serious."

"Whatever. I'm gonna try out the diving board. Be sure to put your tongue back in your mouth."

"Ha ha."

Later, at dinner.

"...so after taking out the last Khund warrior, I went back and rescued my teammates." Dirk was thrilling a bunch of over-eager, teenaged bar bimbos with tales of his exploits while Jan and Shvaughn were enjoying their appetizers.

"Ooooh!! Weren't you scared?" A blonde Winathian and her twin sister said at the same time. "Scared? That word just doesn't exist in my dictionary! I'm a Legionnaire!" The girls swooned. At the table Jan just shook his head and Shvaughn rolled her eyes.

"So you really know Timber Wolf? Is he really as mean as they say he is?" A red-headed Rannian asked. "Mean? Ha! The guy's about as scary as a lost lil' puppy. Really, he's an old softy." "I'm glad Brin's not here or he'd tear Dirk a new one." Jan muttered. "But Phantom Girl would be loving every second of it." Shvaughn informed him as she bit into a roll. "And what about Superman X? And Cosmic Boy?" The same Rannian asked. "Ladies, why all this talk about other guys? I'm here."

"Yeah, and you're freezing!" Dirk was puzzled. Cold? He felt warm. Warming then he did before. But then he flashed her a smile. "Y'know what they say babe. Cold hands, warm heart." She swooned.

"You know what else they say? Gag me with a spoon." Shvaughn made a fake puking noise listening to Dirk. "Shvaughn be nice." Jan reprimanded her. "You know I'm kidding. Still, we better hope Dirk's ego doesn't get any bigger because of his darling fans, or this could be a _looong_ vacation."

Dirk finally took his seat as the fangirls went their separate ways.

"Bye Dirk!"

"Bye Sun Boy!"

He waved back at them, and flashed them a 24-karat smile. "They love me." "At least someone does." Shvaughn joked. "Hurry up Dirk, before the food gets cold." Jan informed him. Dirk picked up a spoon and started to eat some of the soup, but the minute he did...

"Gah! Water! Water!"

Jan and Shvaughn were alarmed by their friend's reaction. Dirk clucthed his throat after he threw the spoon clear from the table. The other patrons of the hotel restaurant turned to what the commotion was. A few seconds later, as Dirk began desperately downing a glass of water, the host went to see what wsgoing on. "What is it?" he asked. Dirk scowled at him. "Are you trying to kill me?! This is boiling hot!" Jan gavea puzzled look, before taking a spoonful of Dirk's soup, blowing on it, and carefully placing it in his mouth. The minuted he did, his confusion tripled. "Dirk, this is lukewarm at best. It's not even spicy." Dirk just gaped.

"I don't believe it. Sun Boy complaining about the heat!" One of the other people joked, gaining some laughs.

"Yeah, yeah. I've just lost my appetite. I'll see you guys later." "Dirk, you sure you're alright?" Shvaughn asked as he left. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He waved and left. The others went back to having dinner and the conversation stream was no longer dammed. "You want to check on him?" Jan asked. Shvaughnthought about it, but she did know Dirk's ego and how it often made him complain about the simplest problem. "I think he'll be fine. He was probably just overreacting. Besides…"

Shvaughn leaned in and whispered into Jan's ear, "It gives me us a chance to be alone.". He smirked and said, "Careful Miss Erin, or Santa will put you on the naughty list." He kissed her on the cheek and she laughed. "Why Mister Arrah, Santa can go stuff his stocking for all I care."

Back in his room, Dirk had been tossing and turning under the covers for practically the entire night. Fed up, he tossed the blankets off and cranked up the AC to the farthest notch on the dial. Pleased, he plopped back onto the bed and snoozed back into slumberland. The next morning, the alarm clock went off and began playing _Winter Wonderland_, the cover by Annie Lenox. Dirk groaned, rolled over, and slammed his hand on the clock, breaking it.

"Whoops."

He straightened up and got off the bed, but felt funny. His joints felt stiff, he noticed, as he wiped the sand from his eyes. He walked into the bathroom, and turned on the lights. His eyes became wide with shock.

"What the-?!"

He gaped at the mirror. Unsure of it for a moment, he slowly walked up to it, and placed a quivering hand on the glass. He was horrified when the reflection did the same thing.

"Guys? Guys!" He yelled. In the other room, Jan sat up out of bed, awoken by his friend's yelling. He scratched his head, got up, and walked into Dirk's room, half-asleep.

"Hold on, I-"

He stopped when he saw Dirk, and sleepiness was replaced with confusion.

"Bouncy? What are you doing here?"

For a few seconds, Jan had assumed the person in the room was none other than Bouncing Boy, who somehow had made it Restoria, and, for some reason, was wearing a blonde wig. Five seconds later Jan realized it was Dirk when his jaw dropped.

…

"Nearest I can tell, it's an allergic reaction."

Shvaughn, Jan, and the hotel doctor were all standing around the now bloated Dirk. When Shvaughn saw Dirk's bloated form, she did a double take and then asked if she was still dreaming. Dirk almost cried.

"What was the last thing you ate in twenty-four hours?" The doctor asked. "Nothing! Just some soup!" Dirk said. "Well, either that or you got bitten by something. Although nothing I've heard about can cause this kind of swelling so fast." The doctor pulled Jan aside. "You sure this is what he looked like last night?" The doctor motioned to a holo-picture of Dirk before he swelled up. "Yep." "Why is it so warm?" Dirk asked. He wiped sweat from his forehead. "Warm? Young man you're ice cold!" Dirk was getting annoyed. This was the second person to say that. He saw the doctor say something to Jan and Shvaughn that he couldn't hear, and just moaned to himself.

As the doctor left, Dirk looked in the mirror and groaned. "I look like a pregnant water balloon." "Well if anything, you carry it well." Shvaughn joked to lighten the mood. "I don't want to carry anything! All I wanted was to spend Christmas somewhere warm. Instead, I put on two-hundred pounds overnight and I feel like I'm on fire." "You ARE Sun Boy, remember?" Jan pointed out. "My powers have nothing to do with this!" "Well, it looks like we have to go back to Metropolis." Shvaughn side. So much for the vacation. "Oh HELL no! And listen to the snickers and laughs from everyone else at Legion HQ? I'm not leaving here until I get over this, and I am going to enjoy myself if it kills me!" Dirk marched back into his room and started to look for something to wear. Shvaughn and Jan exchanged worried looks.

"...he's persistent, I'll give you that." Shvaughn said.

RIP!

"But first I gotta find something that fits."

But despite his best hopes, Dirk was not enjoying himself. He borrowed a bathing suit with an elastic waistband from Jan, and they bought one of those large button-up shirts with the floral print from the giftshop, but that just got more stares. And the staring made him feel warmer. He tried swimming, until finally, Dirk just sat under one of the big umbrellas and felt sorry for himself.

"How you feeling?" They asked him.

"Warm. Bored. Miserable." He groaned. "You want anything?" Shvaughn asked. "Something cold to drink. And ice cream." "I think you should lay off the ice cream, pal." Shvaughnjoked to lighten the mood. Dirk moaned. "Just do it. I'm baking alive."

The two walked back inside to the snack bar, looking for something to cool Dirk down.

"So Jan, any ideas?" Shvaughnasked. "Could be his powers acting up. That would explain why he's complaining about the heat. And the swelling, I don't know. Maybe he got bit by something. A mosquito?"

"I thought mosquitoes went extinct in the 27th Century." Shvaughn quizzed. "Well I don't know."

"Maybe you should go examine whatever it was he ate for dinner last night. You remember?"

"No."

"What are you thinking? An enemy of the Legion?"

"The only one who's got it out for Dirk is Dr. Zaxton Regulus, but I don't sense any radiation."

"What do you sense?"

"Magic."

Shvaughn almost paled. This was bad. Really bad. "Evillo? Glorith?" She leaned in and whispered the last name. "Mordru?" "No. I don't think so."

"We better get to the bottom of this. I haven't seen him this sad since Gigi turned him down." The two got back with snacks when they started to interrogate him. "Dirk, did you talk to anyone before we left?" Jan asked. "No, not that I remember." He said, practically shoveling the ice cream in his mouth and ignoring the stares. He was almost on fire.

"What about that kid in the 'port?" Shvaughn reminded. "Who? Him? Yeah, I guess." "What was his name?" Jan asked. 'John, Johnny I think." He took a gulp of the cold Silverale they got him. "And what were you guys talking about?" Shvaughn asked again, the policewoman in her shining brightly.

"I don't know. The weather or something, I guess." Dirk shrugged and tossed away the empty container and bottle. He wiped at his forehead. What was it, 120 degrees?

"You're still warm?"

"Yeah. I can't cool down."

"Dirk maybe you we should take you to see a real doctor. This is serious. We can get the next flight back to-" Shvaughn started. "No! Look, a couple of extra pounds and me feeling overheated is not going to ruin my-"

The three turned when they heard some of the girls Dirk had been flirting with last night snickering at him. He hung his head in shame.

"I'm just going to go put the AC on and sleep in my room. Like a bear in hibernation." And with that, he left the two. They were really worried now. "Jan?" "Yeah?" "This is really scary." Jan didn't reply. "Jan? What is it?" "Hmm? Oh, nothing. Shvaughn. Nothing." He took his gaze off from the tree that Dirk has passed in the lobby, particularly on one ornament that was strikingly familiar.

Dirk dragged himself up back to his room, ignoring stares from the people who had seen him the other day and were wondered what the hell had happened. He finally made up to their suite, but by the time he got there, he was suffering from another problem. "Oh why are my arms so stiff? And geez, it's like a sauna!" Dirk tried to air out his collar the way people do in a boiling hot room, but then he decided to shut all the blinds and cranked the AC back up to full blast. "Oh that's much better." He sighed as he plopped down back on the bed, but it shook more violently when he did. The person in the room below heard it. "Hey, keep it down in there!" "Oh shut up!"

Shvaughnand Jan walked back to the room, both dripping wet from the pool but still concerned and thinking about what to do.

"So look, before we go, maybe we should exchange gifts. With the way this is going, we could-"

"NOOOOO!!"

"Dirk!"

They ran back to Dirk's room at the end of the hall and kicked in the door.

"Dirk what is… it."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph."

On the bed, they saw Dirk sitting up, abject horror masking his face. Why was he scared? Below the waist, everything had turned into a ball of snow.

"I'm going to wake up, and when I do, my entire lower half is not going to be made of snow. Right guys?"

They didn't answer.

"GUYS??"

…

"What the hell happened?!" Shvaughn yelled. They tried to help Dirk off the bed. "I closed my eyes for ten seconds and when I woke up I was like this!" he cried as he waved his arms. "Jan, can't you use your powers to fix this?" "Dirk, I know I'm about to sound useless, but I can't." "Why?!" "Because first off, this is magic. And magic plus superpowers equals bad." Shvaughn said. "And somehow your lower half is still responding to motor skills, and somehow you aren't bleeding through, meaning that the snow IS your body. I can't transmute bone, skin, veins, and blood. I could wind up connecting the wrong thing to the wrong end and you could be worse off now than when you started. It's the same reason I can't make Garth a new arm."

"So I'm stuck like this?! And what if it gets worse, because you know it will!" Dirk pointed out. "As long as the air conditioner holds out we should be-" Jan couldn't finish.

FZZT.

"Fine."

"You just HAD to, didn't you?" Dirk asked.

...

"Sir, we need to commandeer your freezer."

The three were now back in the lobby. They wrapped Dirk in a blanket while Jan kept up a miniature cold field to halt off the melting. They were still getting strange looks, mostly because they were still in their bathing suits.

"What?"

"Official Legion and Sci-Pol business. You understand." Shvaughnflashed her S.P. badge and Jan showed off his Legion Flight Ring. Rather than cause a scene, the manager brought the three through the kitchen to the freezer. The kitchen workers gavethem strange looks before they were shooed away by the manager. One almost tripped on the water trail Dirk was leaving behind. They opened up the freezer. It was big, filled with all kinds of frozen food. But the light was blinking on and off until it fizzled out. FSSH!

"Here we go, Dirk." Jan said. "Get in." Dirk struggled with the idea for a minuted. "Couldn't we just get another air conditioner? A big one?" He asked. "We don't have time for that now." Jan told him. "And I can't keep a cold field around you 24-7. I could give your human half pneumonia."

"But it's dark! The light's burned out." Dirk pointed out. Then, he he removed the coat, and let out a moan as his torso turned to snow as well. The two tried to hasten him in. "Dirk, we are trying to help. Now shut up, and get your fat frozen ass in the stupid freezer." Shvaughn's patience was running thin.

"Okay, look Shvaughn, I-"

"GET IN THE SPROCKING FREEZER!!" They both ordered. Dirk did, and waddled inside. They shut the door behind him.

"Okay, we have to call someone from the Legion." Shvaughn told Jan. He agreed. "We need White Witch, or Brainy, something to figure out what is-wait, do you hear that?" "What?" Shvaughn asked. She didn't hear anything. "Exactly." Jan said. "It's lunchtime and there's no sound from the other guests eating."

Inside, Dirk was cursing to himself. He ran his hands over his snowy form and started to praying to whatever higher power there was to make this go away and he would never hit on Shvaughn again. Then, he heard laughter, and from out of nowhere, Johnny appeared, perched on a box at the other end of the freezer.

"Well well. You look different Dirk. Having a red hot Christmas like you wanted?"

"You! Johnny!" Dirk pointed a branch at Johnny. Branch? Oh no. His arms had turned into tree branches! Dirk let out a startled cry. Johnny laughed. "Johnny, yeah. Or Jacky."

"Jack Frost!" Dirk concluded.

"Bingo!"

"What the hell did you do to me?!" He yelled at him. "Well you wanted a red hot Christmas. And I gave you one. It won't be long before your heat powers go on the flux, and then, deep-fried ice cream."

"Science Police! Put your hands in the air and back away from him NOW!!"

The door flew open, and Shvaughn had her gun aimed right at Jack. Jan was right next to her, his hands ready to transmute

"Oh goody. Miss Policeman's gonna read me my Miranda Rights."

"I'll do it buddy."

He pointed a finger "Oh please. Like I'm-"

BLAM!

"You shot me, you crazy witch!" The bullet went right through Jack's shoulder. Blue blood was creeping out the wound.

"Jan, get him out of here! I'll take care of Frosty for now! Go!"

"Come on!" Jan motioned. Dirk did his best and waddled out, Shvaughnstanding in front of them and backing away with her gun aimed at Jack's head.

"What about-" Dirk stopped when he saw the dining room.

"Oh my God."

Every single diner had been turned to ice. "Dirk what the hell did you say to him?!" Jan shook him desperately. "I don't know! I just said how I hated winter-"

"You told the spirit of the season you hated winter. Nice." "I didn't know he was Jack Sprocking Fro-" Dirk stopped when he got a funny feeling in his nose. That funny feeling took shape as his noise started getting longer, and longer, until finally...

"Oh. Oh no."

There was a bright orange carrot sticking out of Dirk's face.

"I just wanted a warm Christmas, and I get a carrot nose."

"AARGH!"

"SHVAUGHN!"

"Oh my, I think I gave your girlfriend the cold shoulder."

"Eat napalm, Jack!"

From his hands streamed forth napalm created from oxygen molecules. Jack beat it back with ice.

"Oh please, you really think this bothers me? I've made it snow in Brazil for the love of ice!" Dirk backed up into a corner, next to a frozen family of four. Jan had ti be careful or he would destroy an innocent frozen bystander.

"You don't like that? How 'bout this?" Jan asked. His hands glowed with white energy as he converted the snow coming from Jack's hands into cotton.

"Oh come on. Try something origin-"

He stopped all of a sudden when the snow and ice around him started to melt. Then,

"What did you-?"

"I'm a Trommite. It's easy for me to re-arrange the atomic structure of anything I want, but not everything, but there is the exception to some stuff created from magic. That snow's now rock salt."

"And yet you can't transmute legs?!" Dirk cried. Jan groaned. They listened as Jack shrieked and melted into a pile of water.

"Thanks Jan. My one hope of getting turned back to normal you just melted."

"Don't worry Dirk. We can get help from the Legion. But first..."

Jan flew over to the center of the room, and in a flash, the frozen diners, and the frozen Shvaughn, were back to normal. The diners wondered what had happened as Jan comforted Shvaughn, when the pool that was Jack started to bubble, and he emerged in a monstrous form.

"I WILL NOT BE MADE FUN OF BY CHILDREN! I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS JOB SINCE TIME STARTED AND I AM SICK OF HEARING PEOPLE BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT WANTING IT TO BE WARMER! WELL TOUGH TINSEL! MORGNA, YOU WERE THE LAST STRAW! I WORK HARD AND I WILL BE APPRECIATED!"

"You ain't doing a very good job." Shvaughn said.

"Enough kiddie games!" With a snap of his hands, icicles emerged like blades from his fingertips. He lunged at Jan, who ducked and did a kick to Jack's gut. Jack did a flip and slashed at Shvaughn, and nicked her hair. Jan tried to transmute the air around Jack into sleeping gas, but he blew it back at them and made the two woozy. When their guard was down, he moved in for the cool, when he got blasted to the other side of the room by Dirk. His twig arms were on fire, but he did not care.

"ALRIGHT! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I said I hated winter! I'm sorry I insulted your work! But I will not let you hurt those two! I don't care if I do melt! So bring it, you flash-frozen fripping freak!"

"Are you insane?!" One of the diners asked.

"Possibly! I just wanted a warm Christmas, and now this guy's trying to kill my friends. Well I say sprock no!"

"He's a saint! A saint!" A bunch of girls cried.

Jack got up and glared at Dirk, before he snapped his fingers and the flames on Dirk's hand disappeared. Jack turned back into his old form.

"Wha-?"

"Finally! Was an apology to much to ask for?!"

"An, an apology?! You put me through hell for an APOLOGY?!" Dirk screamed.

"Sue me. Well, I gotta-" Jack was about to hightail it out before Jan grabbed his collar. "A-hem." He pointed to Dirk. Jack sighed in defeat. "Oh fine. There." With a snap of his fingers, he turned Dirk from snow to flesh. He let out a happy cry that he was no longer made of snow.

"Oh thank-wait, I'm still fat!"

"And the swelling?" Jan asked.

"Hmm? Oh, that's just water weight. Moisture from the snow. That should go down in, oh, a week or so."

"A WE-?!" Shvaughn cut off Dirk with her hand on his mouth. "Okay, that's fine." Jack shook off some dust from his jacket. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with some brat who won't stop begging for a snow day. I'll give him a snow day." He snapped his fingers and he was gone. Jan sighed, Shvaughnremoved her hand, and Dirk looked at his body. "What am I gonna do?" Dirk moaned. "You're still alive." Jan said. "And you're not melting." Shvaughn pointed out. "But I'm still huge. And we're stuck here for a-"

"Uh, Sun Boy? Mr. Morgna?"

The three turned to see a bunch of girls from before. A green-skinned Taltarian, a pale Zwenite, and a girl from Nullport. The Zwenite spoke up.

"We all saw the way you saved your friends. And we just think that you are really brave."

"And cute." The Nullportian finished. He perked up.

"Can I get you anything, Mr. Morgna? A shirt? Something to drink?" The Taltarian girl asked. "Hey I wanna get him a drink!" The Zwenite pushed the Taltarian out of the way. "No me!" The Nullportian ordered. "Ladies, ladies. There's more than enough of me to go around." He led the girls under his arms and smiled, smiling brighter then he had the last couple of days. "You bet there is, big boy." "Please, call me Dirk." They all sighed.

Shvaughn and Jan just gaped. "Unbelievable." Shvaughn said. "So now what do we do?" "Wanna make out?" Jan asked. She turned to face him, and then they backed up into the broken freezer and shut the door.

…

Four days later, the three were enjoying Christmas dinner. Jan and Shvaughn exchannged gifts earlier, and spent a good five minutes under the mistletoe, while Dirk practically opened a kissing both. They were waiting for diesert.

"So, I guess this vacation wasn't so bad." Shvaughn reflected. "Yep. I look like myself again. And the girls can't keep their hands off me!" Dirk exclaimed happily. "So I guess you got what you wanted for Christmas, huh?" Jan asked.

"I sure-"

"I apologize sirs, madam, but the freezer seem to be on the blink, so your dessert might be a little softer than expected."

The waiter reeled in their dessert. He removed the tray, to reveal an ice cream cake shaped like a snowman, partially melted and melting still. The sight of it sent Dirk straight to the floor.

"Is he-?"

"Don't ask." They said.

…

Bombshell bit into the last bite of her dessert.

"Well, looks like Dirk got his cake. Too bad he couldn't get a slice. So, I hope you guys enjoyed that. I know I didn't. Now, who do I see about getting paid around-"

BEEP! BEEP!

"Huh. Looks like the Fearsome Five are going on a rampage in town. Looks like this holiday ain't such a total bust after all. Aw yeah, Titans! Merry Christmas!"

Next Track:

****

06. Toy Shop Madness


	6. Toy Shop Madness

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or Justice League Unlimited. I really had fun listing all the superhero toys the store sold. I even included the Umbrella Academy and Hellboy, which are really Dark Horse. Try and find Static. This was rushed. Any problems or gaps, just tell me and I'll edit it.

* * *

We open to the lounge area of the JLU Satellite. And we've come to meet our narrator, gazing out at the stars and wrapped in a green aura.

"Hello there. The name's John Stewart. Green Lantern of Sector 2814, and founding member of the Justice League. But being a member of the Justice League doesn't make it any easier when it comes to gift shopping, especially when girlfriends are involved. Me, I have to deal with two. My ex, Shayera, and my current, Mari. It's not easy, since they never tell you what they want, making you have to guess. Take it from me, shopping for girlfriends is a life or death situation. But you don't have to take it from. Take it from Chuck and Thom. Two guys trying to make a living for their sweethearts. With no money, they decide to get jobs. Around Christmas, that's one of the most brutal things a man can get through, and I've fought Darkseid. So listen to how these two deal with a little..."

****

06. Toy Shop Madness

"_Stupid piece of junk! Breaks the minute you take it out of the box!_"

"_I said I wanted the red one, you moron!_"

"_I said I didn't want any of these stupid toys! I want a time cube!_"

"_This is gonna triple in value._"

"_NRFB_."

"_It's mine!_"

"_No it's mine_!"

"_You broke it_!"

"_Okay it's yours_."

"_What inferior stitching._"

"_These are ugly! I want something 4D_!"

"Greed. Such ugly little greedy people. Never happy with anything. They will pay..."

He said as he placed the chip inside the doll.

"Mama. Mama. Mama."

It's eyes glowed red.

...

"No. Absolutely not."

There were three people in Legion Command at the moment. The first to speak, a girl, had long blonde hair and large, almost alien pink eyes, matching her pink jumpsuit bearing a yellow Saturn. Imra Ardeen, a.k.a. Saturn Girl, was talking with two other Legionnaires. The black-haired, rotund, Chuck Taine, a.k.a. Bouncing Boy, and the black-haired Thom Kallor, a.k.a. Star Boy. And they were discussing Christmas shopping, specifically so Chuck and Thom could buy gifts for their girlfriends.

"Do I have to remind you two about the last time someone lent you money?" Imra asked.

"Uh…" Thom was about to flash back, before Chuck interrupted him.

"Thom, don't. Remember? We had a court order stating we can't flashback to that little incident." "Oh yeah. But who would want to?" "I rest my case." Saturn Girl said as she folded her arms across her chest. "That jury was rigged and the judge had it out for me!" Chuck pointed out. "Why don't we ask the reverend you sent to the psych ward? If he's stopped screaming by now." Saturn Girl reminded.

"Do you have to bring this up every time we ask for money?" Thom asked. "As the one who goes over our finances, yes." Saturn Girl informed.

"So what do we do now?" Thom asked again.

"Why don't you two do what R.J. Brande did as the first step to becoming the galaxy's richest man." Saturn Girl put that in front of them.

"What?"

"Get a job." She put out rather flatly.

"We're Legionnaires. That's our job." Chuck said.

"Well then I guess Lu and Nura are having a Dutch Christmas."

"So you're saying we should buy them clogs?" Thom obliviously asked. Saturn Girl rolled her eyes. Chuck scowled and said "You know, Imra, sometimes you can be so sweet, but the rest of the time you're an ice queen." "It comes from years of having to separate Spark Plug and Ego Lad." She explained. "So they don't find out you're dating both of them?" Chuck joked.

"**_OUT!!_**"

…

"Jobs. The way she says it, she makes it sound so... _blasé_. The only ones looking out for us everymen are us, Thom."

Chuck and Thom were brainstorming in the Legion kitchen, two open bottles of Kono juice in front of them.

"So where do we get jobs?" Thom wondered.

"Anywhere but gas stations." Chuck quickly informed him.

"What's wrong with working in a gas station?" Thom asked. All of sudden, Chuck looked like he was about to throw up. "Because then we'd probably have to clean the, *_shudders_*, bathroom."

FLASHBACK

_A normal day in the city, and Bouncing Boy was flying around looking for a useable bathroom to pertain services from. A look of exasperation on his face as he tried to hold it in with his dear life._

_"Why did I drink those entire two Mega Gulps?"_

_Duo Damsel flew behind him._

_"Because Cham bet you a quarter. A quarter he didn't have."_

_They finally came upon an Amco filling station for spaceships. Chuck landed by the bathroom door and started fidgeting with the knob._

_"Bathroombathroombathroom…"_

_"You need the key."_

_Chuck looked over to the seedy looking attendant, then snatched the key that was hanging from his finger. He put it in the keyhole, before he was interrupted by said attendant._

_"Careful. I haven't cleaned it in a year. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"_

_Chuck ignored him and entered the dark washroom._

_"Now where's the light…?"_

_He flicked the switch, and the roaches swarmed over every square inch of the place, and revealed..._

_"AHHHHHH!!!"_

_He ran out, slammed the door shut, and leaned back on it, heavily breathing and pale with fright._

_"What? What?!" Lu tried to find out._

_"It's, it's, oh my…"_

_"Uh, Bouncy?"_

_"RAWRFL!"_

_"Clean-up in aisle one." She said. And then, she heard a faint wizzing noise, like a stream. __"And aisle two." Chuck said._

…

Morrison Toys. One of the most well known toy stores on Earth. What made it famous was it's surplus of old style toys like puzzles and stuffed animals, hand-sewn with love and care. Race cars and walking, talking robots for little kids. Clockwork soldiers and marionettes. Realistic monster masks sold at Halloween. Faerie tale princess dolls and princes made of unbreakable porcelain. Cartoon characters brought to life in stuffing, plastic, and metal. The works of Rumiko Takahashi painted on the walls. Astro Boy and Sailor Moon and Utena and Luke Skywalker and the Knight Sabers fighting the Dark Kingdom and the Empire, painted by a master. The Sonic, Mario, Banjo-Kazooie, Zelda, and Pokemon games brought to life through 3D imagery. And let us not forget it's amazing supply of superhero toys and accessories.

There seemed to be almost one separate aisle for whatever superhero there was. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman. And they didn't just focus on those heroes. They had the villains as well. Joker, Lex Luthor, Cheetah. But why stop there? Lois Lane, all five Robins, the Supergirls, Jimmy Olsen, Catwoman, Superboy, Conner Kent, Ma & Pa Kent, the Danvers, Krypto, Streaky, Ace, Beppo, Comet, Wonder Girl, Donna Troy, Spoiler, Huntress, Alfred, Oracle, Bat-Girl, Batgirl, Cassandra Cain, Nightwing, Superwoman, Batwoman I & II, the Question I (Vic Sage) & II (Renee Montoya), Talia al Ghul, Damian, Chris Kent, the GCPD, the MPD, Checkmate, S.H.A.D.E., the Suicide Squad, the Spirit, the International Club of Heroes, the Supermen of America, the Amazons. And of course there was the Flash Family, the Green Lantern Corps, the JLA, the JSA, the Titans, the Teen Titans, the Umbrella Academy, Seven Soldiers, Steel, Infinity Inc., the Doom Patrol, the New Gods, the Forever People, Kamandi, OMAC, Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters, Young Justice, Static & Gear, the Blood Syndicate, Icon & Rocket, Rip Hunter, Booster Gold & Skeets, the Global Guardians, the Creature Commandos, Jonah Hex, Cinnamon & Nighthawk, Bat Lash, Hellboy, Black Orchid, Kid Eternity, Sandman & Dian Belmont, Death, Dream, the Endless, the Three Witches, Cain & Abel, Swamp Thing, the Ultramarine Corps, Gen13, the Watchmen, WildC.A.T.S..

And the villains. Who could forget the villains? The Legion of Doom, the Secret Society of Super-Villains, the Superman Revenge Squad, the Club of Villains, the Black Glove, Villainy Inc., Injustice Unlimited, Titans East, the Terror Titans, the Cyborg Revenge Squad, the League of Assassins, the Crime Syndicate, H.I.V.E., Starro, the Orchestra Verdammten, the Female Furies, the Brotherhood of Evil, the Brotherhood of Dada even!

And an entire section dedicated to the Legion of Super-Heroes. Created and sold by Brande Industries. A wonderland for a child.

Chuck and Thom were having their resumes looked over by the manager. Richard. If this was a cartoon, he would've probably been voiced by the man who did the voices of Invader Zim, Billy, and Daggett Beaver. Big glasses, beady eyes, clipboard in hand and clip-on tie.

"So, you want to work here."

"That's correct." Chuck said. The two wanted to make as big an impression as possible. This was the only place they could find that was hiring.

"We are all one big, happy family here at Morrison Toys." He happily said.

"And we're big on family." Thom told him.

"So long as you follow the rules." Richard said as he lowered his voice.

"Huh?" The two said. And then he dropped one of the biggest books Thom or Chuck had ever seen in their lifespan. It was an old, red leather-bound book. The spine was creased. The title read _Morrison Toys Rules & Regulations_. Thom tried to lift the book up, but it nearly dragged him down to the floor before he thought to use his gravity powers. They began to leaf through the yellow pages. It was filled with rules, restrictions, and addendums about the job. They seemed to be listed incoherently, one rule labeled 2.68754 / 835.386, and also came into conflict with others.

"If you plan to work here, you must know and recognize every single rule in this book."

"All of them?!" Chuck cried. He felt faint. Reading this could probably take a lifetime! And by then you'd barely be done.

"If you want to work here. Oh and five dollar deduction from your pay."

"What?! For what?!" They asked at the same time. "Rule 1. No reading the rule book unless given authorization by a senior employee. Moi. And take off those ridiculous rings. No outside clothing."

"But we need these for emergencies!" Chuck told him.

"Off. Now."

"You-!" Chuck started, but he was held back by Thom.

"The girls. Remember." Thom whispered. Chuck held back and, regrettably, they took off their Flight Rings.

"Okay then." Richard said happily. "Here are your official work cloths. But first. The Santa Claus we hired bailed out at the last minute."

He held up the Santa costume to the two.

"And I believe we both know who's more qualified for that."

Chuck beamed.

...

"Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!"

"SANTA!"

Chuck had to watch as Thom sat on Santa's Throne and listened to little kids tell him what they wanted for Christmas. He was dressed up in the red suit and red hat. The beard was attached to his face and a pillow stuffed in to fill in what he was lacking.

"Can't believe he gets to play Santa." Chuck was muttering to himself as he was stocking action figures of Batman characters.

"More qualified, my as-"

"You there! Boy!"

Chuck stopped muttering to himself when a cranky old woman called out to him. She was wearing a fur coat and had on at least a dozen or so rings on each hand. She was holding an action figure box.

"What is this?" She poked him in the chest with it. Chuck took it from her hands to see what she was talking about.

"It's a Harley Quinn action figure. Let's see. 'Heavy Metal Harley With Buzzsaw Baby Doll and Welder Torch Bells'. Whoa, I didn't know they still made these! Who's it for?"

"My son."

"Lucky kid."

"He's 42!"

"Ooh. Sorry."

"Yes, yes, color is that?" She tapped the box with her finger, showing off a garish ring with an ugly green stone.

"It's, uh, 'Rusty Bucket Rust & Motor Oil Black'."

"I want the green one!"

"Oh, well here-" Chuck reached for 'Holly Jolly Harley' until the woman stopped him.

"Not that one! Up there!" She pointed up, up, all the way up, to the top, at a Harley figure all the way on the top shelf. Chuck looked in disbelief.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Is there a problem?"

Oh great. There was Richard right behind him. Chuck groaned, before he put on a plastic smile to please his boss.

"Problem? No problem."

"It sounds like you've forgotten Rule 67.987." Richard 'tsk-tsked'.

"And that is...?" Chuck asked.

"The customer is always right." Richard said with a smile. Chuck turned to the woman, who was 'tsk-tsking' as well.

"Fine, hold on." He told them, and went off to get a ladder to reach the toy. But when he reached the back, there was only one. _Just made it_, he thought. He turned to the worker who handled the tools to patch the store up.

"Uh, excuse me, I need-"

Too late. Someone took it already.

"That." Chuck grimaced. He sulked back, then looked up at the hazardous aisle. He really wished he had his flight ring, then wished someone would knock some sense into him as he started to climb up the shelves.

"Do it for Trip. Do it for Trip." He kept telling himself. He had no idea how long he was climbing, but he was pretty sure he just saw a passenger ship pass by. "Great, I'm delirious. Who am I talking to?" He said out loud. Chuck was getting very tired from all the climbing. Oops. He just sent a Hoodoo Harley down to the floor. "This isn't the green one!" the woman said. "I'm getting it! Keep your jock strap on!" he called out. "What did you say?!" "I said the Germans get a bad rap!" "Oh, they do." He huffed and went back up. "Geez, I need to work out more." He complained to no one. And then, he finally reached it. He could barely reach it, his feet precariously on the self ledge. Until, his hand grasped the edge of the box and pulled it towards himself.

"Hazard Harley in Gangreene & Pollution Pink. Comes with Toxic Waste Water Gun & Back Pack, and Gas Maaaaa-!"

He went straight down. He didn't bounce like you'd think.

"-sk. Ow."

He didn't bother getting up yet. The woman was giving him a very pissed-off look.

"Here you are. M'am." Chuck was gasping and breathing very hard, trying to ignore the bruise that was forming on his keister. The woman looked down at the toy, and scowled. "I said I wanted the green one!" Chuck's jaw dropped. "Lady are you colorblind?!"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with it?!"

Good thing he was still on the floor or Chuck would've fainted.

"Not using a regulation ladder and damaging merchandise. Deduction."

_It's for Lu. Do it for Lu_.

...

_It's for Nura. Do it for Nura._ That's all Thom thought as he was dressed as Santa Claus on that throne. The beard was itchy, and he was feeling nauseous because he was pretty sure that the pillow he had to be stuffed with was made of something he was allergic to. But these kids, they were unreal. They didn't ask for anything magical and fantastic, just everyday stuff that cost a fortune that you'd wonder what a kid could do with them. He just finished with a messy kid covered in chocolate when a little girl with yellow skin and brown hair sat on his lap.

"Hi Santa!"

"Hello little girl. What's your name?"

"Cocheta Drisden."

"And what would you like for Christmas Cocheta?"

"I'd like my daddy to come home."

"Well, where is your daddy?"

"In prison."

"W-what's he doing in prison? Who's your dad?"

"Grimbor."

"You're dad is Grimbor the Chainsman?!" Thom stopped using the Santa voice and nearly got up. He got looks from the other kids and Richard before he recomposed himself.

"Um, listen Cocheta. I don't know if I can do that."

"But, I wanted to give him his gift for Christmas." Uh oh, it look liked she was going to cry.

"But, uh, Cocheta, I don't think you're dad would like it if he knew you weren't having a happy Christmas because of him. I think he'd want you to be happy even though he's on Takron-Galtos."

"Really?"

"Really. That's the greatest gift you can give him. So, listen, you don't have to worry about your dad. You'll see him again when he gets released, or if he breaks out, hopefully the former."

"Thanks, Santa." Cocheta said as he kissed him on the cheek and hopped off his lap.

_Maybe this isn't so bad_.

"I WAN A BIG SCREEN TV, FATBOY!"

Before he knew it, he got socked in the gut by a five-year old with a mustache and got sent to the floor.

_Scratch that._

...

"Carl I'm sorry. But I'm going to have to let you go."

Richard was demeaning Carl, a man who had worked for Morrison Toys since before Richard was even born. The man dedicated his life to the store, but his dedication was lacking with recent years. Maybe that was because of the way he'd been acting towards the customers. Snippy and cold.

"You've been lacking lately. I'm sorry, but you're fired."

"Oh not as sorry as you're going to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

BEEP.

Meanwhile, Chuck and Thom were gathering up their things and getting ready to collect their pay. Everyone else had already left. For the last two weeks the two were slaving to Richard and his wife the Rule Book, waiting for when they had enough money. But the rules were getting so ridiculous, they had to leave their Flight Rings back at HQ, which they accomplished by threatening to tell everyone about Brainy and Garth's vids of the Legion gals, and in Brainy's case, Invisible Kid. Of course, they kept them today, the last day, and Richard didn't know.

"Can you believe this store is barely doing any business?" Chuck asked.

"Kids don't play with their toys anymore. Most kids just want, I don't know, 4D video games or VR equipment." Thom sadly told him as the two

"And the ones who still buy toys only do it because of how much more money they can get because of their worth as 'collectors items.' Chuck grimaced. Not even Thom and himself collected action figures, and they were two of the biggest geeks in the Legionnaire, something they were proud of. I mean, what is this, high school? They were going over what they were going to get Lu and Nura, when, the lights out.

"Ah grife, now what?"

"Hello? Anyone?"

There was a bump.

"Richard? That you?"

"I'm really wishing we had our flight rings." Chuck said, scared.

"Why?"

"Because this is just like that part in _Toy Shop Massacre_ Part IX when the masked killed bludgeons the unsuspecting hot guy to death with a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll."

"I'm touched by your concern but no one's gonna kill me." Thom said. Chuck was going to correct him, when...

"Oh look. It's a Betty Booper doll." Thom pointed. The two turned to a little doll at their feet. The doll turned it's head to them.

"Give me a hug!" The little doll asked in a sweet and innocent voice, before it's mouth opened so wide and out popped six different lasers, a buzz saw, and a flame thrower.

"AND DIE!"

Chuck and Thom blanked.

"…they don't show that in the commercials."

…

The two slowly backed up into the open before running like crazy from the killer doll. They tried to reach the doors in the dark, but they were welded shut. Then, they heard a noise. A sound of pitter-pattering feet. They slowly turned, fear on their faces, and saw an entire army of toys, all looking malicous and thirsty for blood. And they were led by one man.

"Oh! It's..." Thom forgot his name.

"Carl! Carl Drexler!" Carl told them.

"Why are you doing this?" Thom asked.

"How'd you get them to move on their own?" Chuck asked.

Carl picked up a Sailor Moon doll and showed it's backside. There was a red beeping chip placed on it. All the toys had them. The store was his life, and he was responsible for checking them as they came in. Helps when you graduate with a master's degree from all Ivy League schools and Colu Tech.

"You see these toys? These toys are meant to make children happy. They're meant to be played with, to be scratched, to have pieces replaced with Legos and Barbie doll arms."

"Kids still do that." Thom told him.

"Someone's been hitting the crazy sauce." Chuck made a drinky motion.

"And Combusta-Action Bane is going to be hitting YOU!" Carl cried. In a few seconds, an action figure of Bane had Chuck in a death grip. Before Thom could do anything, he was ambushed by the Justice League. Elongated Man wrapped around his neck and Doctor Light provided a blinding light show. Chuck was brought to his knees by the Secret Six and a barrage of Batman actions figures. Carl watched on in glee as the toys went in for the kill, when they were all forced back by Thom's power.

"I am sick of the rampant greed during this season. Children, they don't play with toys, they don't do anything! They're greedy little monsters, adults in pint-sized bodies who sneer and destroy toys and games the minute they get them. They aren't happy with anything!"

"Blah blah blah, Mister Grinch." Chuck told him.

"And the ones who do buy them, the forty-year old shut-in's who live in basements and buy them because of their 'collector's value'! I HATE IT!"

"So what're you going to do?" Thom mockingly asked.

"Destroy everything."

"That's stupid!" The two said together. "Toys were meant to make people happy!" Thom said. "But instead you're going to use them to kill?!" Chuck cried.

"I can think of one toy that wasn't meant to make people happy. Ever heard of Monster Blood?"

"Uh-oh."

"RUN!"

The two tried to keep ahead of a green tidal wave of Monster Blood sucking up everything in it's path, but then they had to deal with the planes, ships, Gundams, and fearie dolls that were laying siege in the air.

"MAMA! MAMA!"

"CAN YOU SPELL 'DIE'?"

"DESTROY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! DESTROY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!"

"HEY HEY!"

"EAT MY SHORTS!"

"BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS!"

"They're everywhere!" Thom shouted.

"Yeah, I noticed." Chuck said.

Thom used his gravity powers to make most of the stuff sink into the Monster Blood, but the green goop sent out tendrils of slime to try and suck the two out. Chuck barely missed it by turning back into his ball form and Thom hid behind him, using his powers to take out the airborne projectiles.

"I've got a plan." Chuck said.

"Thank God. What?" Thom hollered over the noise.

"It's kinda last ditch."

"What?" Thom desperately cried.

"You think we can find any toys that don't have the chips in them?" Chuck asked.

"Maybe." Thom said.

"We gotta distract these guys."

"Gotcha." Thom said. "HEY EVERYONE! CARL SAID TEDDY RUXPIN CAN KISS HIS ASS!"

...

"Are we clear?"

The toys nodded their head at their leader, Carl.

"NOW MARCH!"

After much pleading, Carl was able to convince the toys that he was not the one who said such a thing. He marched down the aisles, the toys destroying anything in their path, until they stopped. Carl had ordered them to. They listened, and they heard the two who got away around the bend.

"NOW D-"

"Do you mind?! We are trying to play here."

Carl stopped. He looked down

"Wait. You two… play with these toys?"

"Yeah. We think they're the coolest."

Carl stopped for a minute. There they were, playing with the toys. His eyes began to water as he shut them down. Until...

"FREEZE DIRTBAG!"

Chuck and Thom didn't even notice the Science Police come in. Behind them, was Richard, holding the remote that activated the silent alarm. He was hiding in the crawl space under his desk.

"But, but-" Carl stuttered as they handcuffed him.

"You're going away for a long time, meatbag."

"Well it looks like you two saved the store." Richard said to the two.

"I guess we did." Thom said.

"But you broke so many rules you're going to be-"

"DIE!" They pounced on him.

Minutes later, Chuck and Thom were on their way home and Richard was on his way to the Coma Ward.

"I didn't know we were capable of that." Chuck said.

"I just kept hitting him, and hitting him, and hitting him..." Thom said, pale as a sheep with fear.

"I think this is a clump of his hair." Chuck held up a clump of greasy black hair.

"I don't think that came from his head." Thom told him.

"Eeww!!"

"What are we going to do with the girls? We still don't have gifts!" Thom said.

"There's only one thing left to do."

"What's that?"

"Improvise. I'll see you later." Chuck said as he flew off to a 99 Cent Store. Thom mulled over the idea to improvise, as he looked up at the stars, and got an idea.

…

"Wow. So all it took him was saying two teenage boys playing with action figures."

It was Christmas morning, and Chuck was with Lu in the kitchen area. Chuck was going through the breakfast all three Lus had made for him.

"It helps to be in touch with your inner nerd." Chuck advised.

"That is touchingly pathetic." Lu said.

"So look, Trip, I know I promised you I was gonna get you a really great gift, but-"

"Bouncy, the fact that you took on that sad, deranged freak without your powers just to get me something is more then enough."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh, cool. Then I can get my money back on this."

"Izzat…?" She said as she divided. He held up three necklaces on bronze chains, each containing a small jewel. Very small. It might've been costume jewelry.

"One for each of us?" Orange Lu asked.

"Your birthstone. Right? Did I get it right?" Chuck worried.

"Shut up and kiss me, big guy." And the three glomped him.

…

"Thom, stop. The very fact that you risked your neck is more than enough."

Later that night, Thom was leading Nura out to the observation deck.

"I thought you would say that, so…" Thom started. Garth passed them by.

"Hey Dreamy, take a look outside."

"What's he-" Nura asked, before she looked up in the night sky and the words writing out in the celestail bodies.

_I LOVE NURA NAL_.

"It took me all day. Merry Christmas." Thom said.

THUMP.

"You like it Dreamy? Dreamy?"

She didn't reply.

"Nura?" He looked down and there she was, passed out.

"I got this." Garth said. "CLEAR!" And sent an electrical shock through Nura's body so bad she jumped into Thom's arms.

"LOVE YOU FOREVER!!"

…

It was near the end of the day, after dinner. In the longue, Lu was in Chuck's lap and Nura was in Thom's lap, asleep. They flashed each other a thumb's-up.

"Nice."

…

"Did that help? I guess, when it comes down to it, girlfriends can be pretty understanding during the holi-"

BANG! BANG!

"**STEWART**!"

On the left, Mari, Vixen, came marching in. On the right, in came Shayera, Hawkgirl, her mace charged. Both could rip Superman's face off with the mood they were in.

"Girls!" John said nervously.

Mari and Shayera advanced on him after kicking, or beating, the doors on the other side of the room down. They surrouned him. Mari was the first to voice her complaint.

"MACE POLISH?! What the HELL am I going to do with-" Mari started.

"A book of South African folk poetry?! When did I say I wanted a-"

The two stopped when they were right up close to John, and they saw one another with their gifts in hand.

"Oh I get it. The gifts were mixed up."

"I got what you were going to get…" Shayera said.

"And vice versa."

All three started laughing. "Yes, it's all a misunderstanding." John said.

WHACK!

He was sent flying across the room. The two were angry again. "MACE POLISH?! That was the best you could do?!" Shayera yelled. Mari was leafing through the book and scowled. "This is the same book I lent you last month! Unbelievable." "Jerk." Shayera said. "Totally. You want some eggnog?" Mari asked as she agreed. "You know it." And the two lovers of John Stewart left the room. Minutes later, the Huntress and Question entered. Huntress walked over to John, while the Question was just... staring at nothing.

"Uh, G.L.?" She poked him.

"Happy Arbor Day, one and all!" John happily exclaimed before passing out.

"I see you." Was all the Question said.

Next Track:

**07. Nutcracker Nightmare: Director's Cut**


	7. Nutcracker Nightmare: Director's Cut

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes. I do however own Celia Cortez, and if used without my consent MAY THE DEATH OF 1,000,000 CATS BE ON YOUR HEADS!

Adapted from the story _Nutcracker Nightmare_ by R.L. Stine

* * *

Shadyside High. Room 101. Detention. There were four people inside. The faculty adviser was reading the newspaper. One kid had his head down, the other was writing words on his arms with a pen. The third was reading a book. _More & More & More Tales to Give You Goosebumps_. She was tall, very tall, an Amazon practically. Her skin mixed, like coffee and cream, tanned mostly. A mix of Hispanic and Caucasian. Her long hair was blond, and her eyes were gray like two pearls. And she had a pair of well-developed, round and succulent breasts. Hard to believe she was seventeen. She looked up from the book.

"Hey losers. The name's Celia. Celia Cortez. And as you can see I'm stuck here in detention, thanks to my gracious host and my big mouth. Anyway, I should tell you this now so there's no miscommunication between us. I don't live in a superhero world, or a romantic, love-dovey bulls$%t land. In my world, people my age die. Every day. And where are the adults when this stuff happens? Nowhere. I know this for a fact, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have these…"

She moved her hair to show two scars on her neck.

"Or these…"

Her fangs slid out.

"Or these…"

Her red eyes.

"Or these bad boys here."

She held up her two large and round breasts which stuck out so firmly it's hard to believe they don't burst out.

"But, when it happens to younger kids, there's never an actual sense that they might die. The things they go through are more juvenile. Halloween masks that possess you, evil snowmen, skateboarding skeletons, and the perpetual evil babysitter. This story I'm about to tell already happened to someone, so it's kinda a funny coincidence that it happened to someone else. Some spoiled brat named Cham couldn't wait to go through his Christmas gifts, and now he has to sit through a rendition of the Nutcracker. So while I'm waiting to get out of here, he can wait through what might as well be the longest night of his life as he has to watch…"

****

07. Nutcracker Nightmare: The Director's Cut

"Coast clear?"

They snuck inside the dark hallway. They tiptoed in, and entered the room at the end. The door whooshed open, and they crept in silently. The girl on the left had dark skin, like creamy chocolate, and short black hair. An air of authority, someone who knew what to do before she was told. The girl on the right was peach-skinned, somewhat pale, with hair like ice and aura of royalty. Jazmin Cullen and Projectra were their names, respectively. Kid Quantum and Princess Projectra. They stepped into the dark room.

"Where do we put it?" Projectra, or Jeckie, asked.

"Here. In here." Jazmin told.

"Did anyone follow us?" Jeckie wondered aloud.

"No, we're safe." Jazmin reassured her.

The two stepped into the darkly lit room, into a door in the back. A storage closet. Jazmin touched a pad on the right, and the lights went on.

"Good. Then let's-what?!" Jazmin's calm turned to a storm.

"Cham! What are you doing?!" Jeckie demanded.

"Uh, nothing."

In the middle of the room was an orange-skinned child with antennae and big, green eyes like lily pads on black water. He sat around a hurricane of shredded paper decorated with jolly snowman and ringing bells, Santa Claus and his reindeer. His name was Reep Daggle, a.k.a. Chameleon Boy, or Cham.

"You-how could-" Jeckie stuttered. She dropped the gifts that were in her arms.

"I asked you guys for a Mega Man and you got me Mighty Man are you kidding me?!" Cham yelled.

"Thanks, Cham! You ruined the surprise for everyone!" Jazmin yelled.

"What have you got to say for yourself?" Jeckie demanded.

"It was the one-armed man?"

…

"Aw come on, guys. Can't we go see a movie?"

It was one week later, Christmas night. Gifts were exchanged, family visited, dinner was devoured, and good times were had by all good little boys and girls across the universe.

"Cham, stop whining. This is a special event." Jazmin told him.

Cham, Jeckie, and Jazmin were standing outside of Hargreeves Theatre in the snowy December night. The girls were accompanied by their boyfriends, the blond Dyrk Magz, a.k.a. Magno, and the black-haired Val Armorr, a.k.a. Karate Kid. Dyrk was asked by Jazmin, but Jeckie was Val's lover for about two months. All five were in the Legion, and they were all dressed in winter coats.

"Special as in special ed." Cham muttered.

"Cham!" Jazmin looked at him disgust.

"Smooth." Dyrk muttered.

"Charming." Projectra said, spitting the word out like poison as Val shook his head.

"Really Cham, I think you might like this." Jazmin told him.

"The Nutcracker is one of the most beloved classics on Earth." Jeckie explained. It was even well known on her homeworld, Orando. Cham cared less, and started fiddling with the buttons on his green jacket. The four others huddled together.

"Why did we bring him along?" Dyrk whispered.

"His father gave me the tickets. I thought it'd be rude not to invite him." Val explained.

"And besides, look at him." Jazmin motioned. The other four looked at him as if plotting some conspiracy.

"Needs more protein in his diet." Jeckie said.

"He's miserable, and we haven't even entered the theatre yet." Jazmin said. "This'll teach him to mess up the gifts."

"Guys can we hurry? I think I'm getting frostbite." Cham said. They started to enter the theatre. Seeing the inside, with all the old people, the art experts, the snobs, Cham cringed.

"On second thought, frostbite's sounding a lot better."

"Cham really, what is it with you? It's Christmas and you've been acting like a grouch all day." Dyrk asked.

"I'm just mad because I didn't get to open any new presents this morning." Cham complained.

"Well then you should have been patient. Instead of opening them all." Jazmin explained.

"Even the ones that WEREN'T YOURS." Jeckie glared. One of the gifts Cham had ruined was a brooch Val had bought for her, and he was disappointed this morning when she didn't act surprised.

"It isn't fair." Cham slouched.

"What is his problem? When did he start acting like Miss Poor Little Rich Girl?" Dyrk asked.

"I guess when your father is the richest man in the galaxy you can get this way during a holiday so polluted with consumerism." Val offered that hypothesis.

"Or he could just be a jerk." Jazmin offered a counter-hypothesis.

"I'm willing to go with that one." Jeckie told her. A short while later, the five entered the busy theatre. They found their seats. Cham slumped forward, waiting for the woman in front to take off her large hat. Until he realized it was hair.

"We can trade if you want, Cham." Val offered his seat. Ever the gentleman for a man who practiced the pursuit of enlightenment through bare-fisted murder.

"I dunno. If I have to look around at least it'll prevent me from lapsing into a coma."

He gulped when he saw the anger in their eyes.

"Uh, on second thought, I gotta go use the bathroom." Cham was ready to rush out.

"That's actually a good idea." Dyrk said. It would give them break from his whining.

"But the time I'm out the show'll probably be over." Cham mused. Jeckie sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Cham, you need to learn more patience." She told him.

"No. My dad needs to give better gifts."

"Okay that's it!" Jazmin yelled.

"Jazmin, no!"

"See you guys in a bit." He said in a rush as they tried to restrain Jazmin from committing justifiable homicide. In the bathroom, all Cham did was walk back in forth, thinking over what to do.

"Oh, boy. Maybe I can sneak out the window."

He looked around, there weren't in windows.

"D'oh!" He gave a sigh of defeat and went back into the lobby. It was empty.

"Hey, did it start already?" Cham wondered.

"No it didn't." A voice behind said.

"Gah!" Cham nearly jumped out of his skin. He tuned around, it was Jazmin.

"Something wrong?" She said, oddly calmed.

"Geez, KQ, you scared the living daylights outta me." Cham told her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Huh?" What happened? Before she wanted to murder him.

"Come on, the show's about to start." She said.

"Oh goody." He replied sarcastically. "So I guess it's time to get bored to death."

"Boredom. I wonder, Reep?" Jazmin stopped him.

"Reep? Since when are you so formal?" Cham gave her an odd look.

"Tell me, do you have any idea what actual boredom is?" Jazmin asked.

"Uh, well, I know what's it like to have to wait for the movie to come on only you have to sit through like five hours of trailers from remakes and Adam Sandler movies, and by the time the movie starts you've eaten all your snacks and you have to pee wicked bad." Cham explained. Jazmin smirked.

"I thought so. You need to learn to be patient, Reep. And you're going to." She told him.

"Huh?"

"Oh believe me, you're going to." She said, with a cold smile. And walked back into the theatre.

…

"When's it going to start?" Cham moaned.

"Be quite, the orchestra is still warming up." Dyrk said.

"Still? It's been like an hour-"

"Shh!" Val went.

"Oh no he didn't." Cham muttered to himself.

It was true. He looked down to the stage, and saw the orchestra going over their sheet music, blowing notes through their horns and woodwinds, plucking the strings on their violins and banging the drums. For what felt like hours. Cham tapped his fingers on his armrest impatiently. Then, the motion down their seemed to stop. An eerie silence. The curtain hadn't gone up.

"Did it stop?" Cham wondered aloud.

"Cham the first act hasn't started. Sit still."

Cham grumbled until, finally, the curtain opened. He felt relieved. But nothing happened. The lights were on, but the stage was bare. There wasn't even any music. Cham suddenly noticed something funny. His leg had fallen asleep. He waved it around to get the blood flowing, when he heard a loud CRASH! An involuntary reaction made him hit his foot against the seat in front of him.

"Ow!"

"Be quiet!" The lady with the big hair scowled.

"My foot's asleep." He said. The others scowled as well and motioned for silence. He glared at them.

"And so's my butt." He muttered to himself.

"TMI." Jeckie whispered.

"Cham, either shut up or you want have a butt anymore." Dyrk threatened.

Cham kept quiet for that point, and watched the stage. The dancers came out, dressed in Victorian clothing. The sashayed and pranced, danced and frolicked. Over and over and over and over. They seemed to be repeating themselves. Cham was unsure, but he believed to have seen the part with the stranger godfather at least three times. But when he noticed, the dancing seemed to all but stopped. Super slow motion. Clara seemed to have stopped in mid-air for about twenty minutes. Cham turned to the others, but they were happily entranced in the play. Suddenly, everyone started to applaud. Cham didn't want to, his hand had fallen asleep. But he got more glares from Jeckie, and felt obliged to. So he clapped.

And clapped.

And clapped.

And clapped.

Cham tried to stop, until the others glared again and he started to clap until his hands hurt. And then, the music stopped, suddenly. The curtain went down. Silence fell across the theatre once again. It was dark. Finally, Cham spoke.

"Guys, is it just me or have we been hear all night?" He asked.

"Cham it's only been a half hour. You're imagining things." Val told him.

"Oh you mean like the time I 'imagined' my cereal was talking to me?" Cham asked.

"Yes." Jazmin whispered back.

FLASHBACK

__

Cham was in the kitchen, staring into a bowl of Lucky Charms. The cereal was talking to him.

"Reep, I command you to destroy." The cereal commanded.

"Rokk says you're only in my mind talking cereal." Cham said with no-so-much conviction.

"He lies! He's the first one to be destroyed. Now, I want you to-"

The cereal started sputtering as Cham poured milk into it. It hacked for air when Cham stopped.

"D, don't ever do that again. Now, I want you to-"

Cham dug his spoon in and took a big bite.

"AAAHHH!!! AAH AHHHHHH!!" It screamed.

END FLASHBACK

Dirty looks from the others made Cham keep quiet. The silence persisted. And he couldn't remember how long, it felt like hours. His whole body felt stiff and sore and numb in some parts. He forgot what his backside felt like.

"How long has this been going on? Anyone have the time?" Cham asked.

"If you don't stop talking I'm getting the manager." The woman in front said.

"We know what time it is, Cham." Jeckie said.

"What?" Cham asked. He felt chills run down his spine as he looked at the same eerie grin all four of them had on their faces.

"Time to learn patience." Jazmin smiled.

"What-re you, what?" Cham stuttered.

"You heard me." She told him.

Cham processed this. It made sense now. Why this was going on for so long. Jazmin. She was using her time stasis abilities to make it seem like this stupid play was lasting forever. And the others, they were in on it. This was revenge for what he did to the gifts. Well he wasn't going to stick around for that.

"I gotta get out of here." He said, and left for the aisle as the music started again. He got out of his seat and made his way to the exit. He'd never felt so relieved to see the glowing neon sign for EXIT in bright red. He didn't what he'd do when he left, but probably tell Cos or someone else about Jazmin and the others did. Yep, then he'd forget this whole night ever happened. Ever happened at all. When he got to the exit. But when would he? He just kept walking and walking as the music droned on. He picked up the pace, but he it was like he was stuck in the exact same spot. The music started to slow down, like someone was messing with a sound system. The music ran together in a slow, grinding paste of shrieking violins slowed down to sound like some awful moaning. The drums bammed and bammed so slow it sounded like incoherent thunder. The pipes were like whistling through trees in a storm, slowing down like low, guttural chanting to some forgotten god. Finally, Cham decided to fly, but when he did, it was like he was going backwards! He dropped to the floor and sobbed. He looked up, and a heard a loud RIP! His arms and legs felt tight in his clothes, until the seams came apart.

"What is this? Why is she doing this?" Cham cried. He got up, and saw the woman in the seat in front of him. Her hair was turning gray, then white, then falling off her head until he could see the liver spots on her scalp. The music droned on. The awful, horrible music.

Is it because of the presents? All because of some stupid presents?! Or is it because of the spoiled attitude he had the whole month?

"Oh, why is this happening?!" Cham cried. He rushed back to the aisle.

"Jazmin I know you're doing this. Make it stop." He ordered.

"Cham the snack bar is closed when the show is on." Jazmin said.

"Jazmin this isn't funny make it stop!" Cham said.

"Cham, sit down. You'll miss the best part." Val said.

"Make it-*Gasps*." He stopped.

Cham felt his stomach creep up to his mouth. He could barely hold it in when he saw his friends.

Jazmin kept her gaze on the stage, not noticing that her face had become creased with age. Wrinkles around her eyes and lips, getting saggier until she looked like an old leather bag left out in the sun. Her hair had become snow white and frayed.

Jeckie's eyes were shriveling up and going back into her sockets as her eyes started to become hollow and empty. Her skin was becoming wrinkled and her hair fell out. Her skull was showing through her scalp. Her mouth and joints creaked like an old screen door and dust came out of her mouth as she opened it to laugh at what was going on in the play.

Val's skin had turned to dust. Amongst the three, he was the… wettest. Viscera was leaking out through his eyes and ears. PLOP! His face fell on the floor and shriveled like a piece of jerky.

Cham didn't know what to do, but when he looked down at his own hands, they had decayed down to the bare bone.

What was going on? Why didn't anyone else notice this?!

And Dyrk… his head had popped right off. His skull rolled over to Cham's feet and stared up at him, smiling, then frowning.

"Cham sit down. We're trying to watch the show."

And then the screaming started.

…

They brought Cham back to HQ, cradled in Val's arms with dear life.

"So I'm guessing I overplayed it with the illusions, huh?" Jeckie asked.

"You think?" Jazmin asked.

Cos greeted him. He looked at Cham and blanked.

"So, I take it he didn't like the show?" Cosmic Boy asked.

"No s&*t Sherlock." Jeckie flat out told him.

…

Celia was getting her stuff out of her locker. On the inside of the locker door was an old rag doll and some old test papers.

"I got let out on good behavior. So, what'd you think?"

RRRRING!!

The payphone next to the lockers started to ring off the hook.

"Oh hold on."

Celia took the phone off the receiver.

"Hello? What? Speak up I can't, what? Whose baby? No, this isn't Billy. Hold on."

She sighed, hung her head low, then, as her eyes went from gray to red, she yanked the phone off the wall and pulled out the guy on the other side. He had a knife in his hands and a black plastic bag in the other. He looked up at her.

"Please." She scoffed.

WHACK!

She passed by the principal on her way out, the man named Billy tied up with the phone and over her shoulder.

"Miss Cortez, what do you think you're doing?!"

"Just takin' care of business. Hope you all can last till Christmas. Feliz Navidad."

**Next Track:**

**08. Gingerbread**


	8. Gingerbread

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or Secret Six. Please review separatley. Did this in a rush. Any problems I'll edit.

**Scandal:** Daughter of Vandal Savage.

**Knockout**: New God from Apokolips. Former Female Fury.

* * *

The House of Secrets. In the meeting room, by the roaring fire as the Christmas tree was set up with such care, two people sat.

"Hello faithful reader." The first spoke, a woman of South American descent. Her skin was tanned, her hair short and black, and carefully placed beauty mark on her cheek. "Welcome to the House of Secrets. I am Scandal Savage."

"And I'm Knockout." The second woman said. She was much taller then her companion, with a mane of beautiful red hair. "Although you may call me Kay."

"Because you might not be familiar with who we are, an introduction is in order." Scandal stated. "I am the daughter of immortal Vandal Savage, my mother one of the many women he has shared a bed with over his lifespan."

"My turn, poppet?" Kay asked. Scandal nodded. "I was once one of the Female Furies of Apokolips, under the command of Granny Goodness to serve all-knowing Darkseid."

"Kay isn't exactly a Christian." Scandal informed.

"I escaped to Earth, spent some time on the Suicide Squad, and then I was with Conner Kent in Hawaii, and then I met Scandal." Kay finished.

"We both work on a team-for-hire, you might not have heard of them. The Secret Six. Alongside some other people you've probably never heard of. Catman, Deadshot, and Ragdoll. We get paid to handle jobs. Assassinations, recoveries, bombings, whatever our employer wants. I guess in your eyes that would make us the bad guys."

"Poppet here ate Fatality's ear." Kay smiled proudly.

"You're making me blush. But I wish to make something clear." Scandal informed.

"We may kill, we may maim…" Kay started.

"We may brutalize and terrorize and follow the whims of our employers, no matter how twisted and cruel, but there is one thing we understand very clearly."

Kay leaned in closer and the two kissed.

"Love." Kay whispered as their lips parted.. They held hands closely in the fire's light.

"Which is why my Beloved and I were chosen to narrate this story together. About a wolf boy and the president's daughter, spending this Christmas eve together, as loved ones should, and baking…"

****

08. Gingerbread

"Ah, puppy! There you are!"

It was December 24th in Legion HQ. The lounge was decorated out in cheer and glee. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes the Saint Nicholas would soon be there. If they had a chimney. Tinya Wazzo, a.k.a. Phantom Girl, had just phased through the wall. Over near the Christmas tree, sitting in a lounge chair was Brin Londo, a.k.a. Timber Wolf. He looked up from the holo he was reading, _The Last Christmas Eve_, and cringed at the word.

"Stop calling me that." Brin told her.

"But puppy, that's your name." She pouted.

"Okay, princess." He said. "So, what do you need."

"I need a lot, but right now I'll settle for a favor." Tinya replied. Brin sighed.

"For the last time you CANNOT scratch behind my ears." He sighed.

"Not that!" She said. "I wanna spend some time with you." Tinya told him.

"Really?" Brin put the holo down. "Well, okay, I'll bite. What do you want to do?"

"Bake some cookies-"

"OUT!" He shouted. Tinya cringed.

"Aww come on. It won't be like last time."

"Wont' be like last time?" Brin repeated. "I still have the tick scars from last time! Wanna see?"

"If they are where they were last time." She said, grinning like a deviant.

"Forget it." Brin went back to reading his holo.

"Come on, I just wanna bake some Christmas cookies with my puppy. Spread a little holiday cheer…" she pouted like a puppy.

"Well I've had enough holiday cheer around here." Brin said. "I'm only reading this stupid thing because I lost a bet." He informed.

"What's so wrong with baking gingerbread together. Everyone knows what a great cook you are." She buttered him up, but it kept slipping off. "Why can't you teach me."

"Do I have to get a restraining order? ANOTHER one?" He threatened.

"Pretty bitty please with Christmas trees?" Tinya nudged.

"N-O spells no." Brin educated her.

"But-" Tinya started.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"A-"

"No."

She opened her mouth.

"No."

Tinya sulked. The she pulled him out of the chair and put him in front of the wall.

"I see. Well, then I guess I must unveil my secret attack." She lowered her gaze.

"What?"

She stuck her palm out.

"PHANTOM GIRL!"

The wind seemed to pick up.

"What the sprock?"

"SUPER-SECRET FANGIRL BLACKMAIL BARRAGE!"

Before he knew it, Brin's outline was traced by dozens of sharp pieces of paper.

"What the-?! Where'd you-"

They were pictures, and holos. There were pictures of him in a box, with a fox, eating lox, on a date with Courtney Cox. There were pictures of him in a cab, and of him flexing his well-toned abs. Pictures of him dressed like a dude, and pictures of him in the nude! Pictures of him in the shower, this was well beyond his power. There was obscenities here and there, there was obscenities everywhere!

"Where'd you get all these pictures?" Brin screamed. Tinya kept her smirk on.

"These walls talk. For the right price. And pretty soon I will too. Get the drift?" She asked.

He growled at her. He knew these weren't the only copies she had.

"… Get in the kitchen."

"WOOT!" She jumped in the air and flew out of the lounge. Brin sulked in after her.

"I hope Santa gives her an ass whooping for Christmas." He muttered under his breath.

"I HEARD THAT!"

…

And so they got together the ingredients in the kitchen. The cooking utensils, and the cookbooks. Brin was wearing a white apron, while Tinya was wearing a pink one with a little chirping chick and the words "Piyo piyo" written across. The tied their hair back in ponytails so it wouldn't get in the way. First thing first.

The flour.

"Now you have to open it carefully, or it'll-" Brin started. Too late. She ripped it open. It went everywhere.

"Explode."

He coughed. Tinya looked down at herself, then at him. An idea popped in.

"Hey, wanna go scare Lightning Lad?" She smirked deviously.

"Later."

…

The eggs.

"Now just crack it gently on the side of the bowl." Brin advised.

"Okay."

CRACK. She held it too hard and the egg spilled out on the counter.

"Again." He ordered.

CRACK.

"Again." He sighed.

CRACK.

"Again."

CRACK.

He threw his hands up and put the eggs in himself. He gave Tinya an incredulous look.

"Was that so hard?"

WHACK! Two eggs went flying at his head. The yolk stained his black hair.

"Think you're such an egghead, huh?" Tinya smirked.

Cut to the rimshot guy.

…

The molasses.

"No, Tinya, that's too much you," Brin stopped and started to look around. Something was missing. "Where's the spatula?"

"Uh, well…"

It was stuck to her backside. He blushed like mad.

"Heh." Was all she said.

…

The oven.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP DROP AND ROLL!" She screamed at him.

…

Done. They were covered in flour, sticky, and hot.

"There, that wasn't so bad. All the kitchen needs is a fresh coat of paint. And something to cover the hole. And the smell. But look, they turned out great."

On the counter was a tray filled with happy, smiling gingerbread men and women.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the hair on my ass will grow back in no time." Brin replied.

"Oh lighten up. And let me worry about your ass. It's my job." Tinya jerked a thumb in her direction and stood proudly.

"You're fired." Brin said.

"You can't fire me, Mister Trump! I've been with the company for fifteen years. Just wait until the union hears about this." Tinya pouted.

"What union?" Brin sighed in frustration.

"The OFGA. The Oppressed Fan Girls of America."

Brin scowled. "Can you be serious for five seconds?"

That was it. Tinya hit him on the back of the head with an empty serving tray.

"What is with you? Christmas is supposed to be a happy time and you mope like, well like you always do. What's the problem?"

Brin rubbed the bump on his head, then avoided Tinya's gaze.

"Christmas isn't something you look forward to enjoying when your mom's dead and your dad's a sociopath. Christmas back home meant the cage was decorated in red and green streamers."

"This is your home now, Brin." Tinya reminded him. "You never have to worry about that kind of treatment again." God she was getting sick and tired of having to remind him.

"You don't understand. You don't have to remember what it was like before." Brin moped. Tinya thought for a minute of what to say next, and then it popped into her mind.

"Hey it could be worse." She smiled. Brin's eyes shot open and looked at her like she just said the stupidest thing in the entire universe.

"WORSE? Are you kidding me?" He told her.

"Yeah you could be like Timmy's family."

"Who?"

"Timmy. Right here."

Tinya picked up a little gingerbread man, well in this case a boy. Brin blanked.

"You've been smelling the oven gas for too long." He said.

"No look, we have a happy, active gingerbread family. Here's Mom, and Dad, and Timmy, and Sissy."

She held up another gingerbread man, and two girls.

"They all lived happy little boring lives."

She set them up on the table.

"But then, Mom gets bored with Dad, and in comes Fernando." She explained.

"Fernando?" Brin asked.

"The gardener. Duh." Tinya rolled her eyes. She set up the gingerbread mom with a cookie that was designed like a gardener.

"Oh, of course. Figures." Brin said.

"'Misses Mom, I came to water hedges.'" Tinya said in a fake Mexican accent, holding up the Fernando cookie.

"'Oh don't worry about THOSE hedges,'" now speaking a seductive voice for mom, "'come and water MY hedge.'" "'Si, hedge.'"

Tinya then set them down and took a mug of hot cocoa., and put the two in up to their waist.

"So, one night their in the Jacuzzi out back, not knowing that Dad is coming home early from the big Anderson deal."

She took the gingerbread dad and made him walk on the table.

"'Honey, good news!'" Tinya said in a male voice. "'I made part-' he says, but stops when he sees the two gallivanting in the water.'"

"And then Dad takes out the shotgun and blows off Fernando's and Mom's heads. BOOM!"

She pulled Fernando out and proceeded to bite off his head, then the mom and tossed them in front of the mug.

"Poor Fernando and poor mom." Brin said, sitting down.

"Poor Timmy and Sissy! They saw the whole thing."

She positioned the two gingerbread kids in front of their dad and their dead mom and the gardener.

"Timmy calls the police, and Dad gets sent to prison. So then, the kids get sent to live with Grandpa and Grammy. And they live on Grandpa's disability money."

"Why?" Brin asked.

"Cuz he lost his legs in the war. Look!" Tinya bit into the gingerbread grandfather's legs and tore them off.

""AAAHHH!! You commie bastards! Them's my walkin' legs!'" She said in a crocethy old voice.

"And Grammy thinks that kids are her old sorority sisters, so she makes them wear old flapper gowns and feather hats. 'Kay girls, who wants to go jitterbuggin?'" She started shaking the Timmy and Sissy cookies like they were dancing. "And then Grammy breaks her hip." Tinya bites into Grammy's hip.

"So in comes the creepy religious aunt Margo and her wage-slave husband Desmond."

She smiled like the devil.

"And the emotional trauma causes little Timmy to turn into a teenage cross-dresser," Tinya revealed that Timmy now had a dress pattern and a moustache made out of frosting, "while Sissy excels in lacrosse and metal shop while harboring a crush on her gym teacher, Mrs. Deseraux, ultimately stalking her until the night of the harvest dance, when she admits her feelings."

"'I'm sorry Sissy, but I'm your teacher, and you're a student. And besides that, I'm really a man.'" Tinya said in an androgynous voice, holding up a Mrs. Deseraux cookie.

"Ouch." Brin said.

"And then Sissy chops her head off", Tinya bit off Mrs. Deseraux's head, "and buries her body in the old abandoned disco," she placed the rest of the cookie underneath the mixing bowl, "where her brother was just happening to get a home run with the Corn Queen." Tinya set up Timmy and the new Corn Queen cookie like they were doing something naughty, "until finally ten years later Sissy's on death row and Timmy has just sold the rights to a movie based on the story of his life."

Brin just stared at her for a minute. She smiled, waiting for a response.

"Besides the obvious, how is that bad?" Brin asked.

"Timmy's being played by Jack Black." She said as she lowered her voice. Brin felt a twinge of pain.

"The poor bastard." Brin said.

"And then they all died. The end!" She ate the rest of them.

"Now, they didn't." Brin said.

"What?" Tinya asked, surprised that he was smiling.

"You forgot about Mom's parents."

"Oh well, her dad died in a drunken stupor and her mom disappeared in a freak waffle iron accident." She told him.

"You mean like this?" He asked. He took a girl gingerbread cookie and stuck inside a waffle iron.

"'Tell my husband I thought of his dad while we did it!'" He said in a falsetto voice. "Gingerbread pancakes, anyone?" He said, smiling broadly.

"Ah, I knew I could get a smile out of you!" Tinya

"Yeah, yeah. Wanna make more? I wanna find out just how screwed up Timmy's family is." Brin said as he started to get the ingredients together again.

"Oh yeah, bunch of nut jobs they are." Tinya said.

"Hey, Tinya."

"Yeah?" She asked, a getting a flour covered kiss.

"Merry Christmas."

…

"Why don't we try baking gingerbread?" Kay asked as they curled by the fire.

"I'd probably just destroy the stove. And then I'd have to listen to Blake complain that I destroyed his precious kitchen." Scandal pondered.

"I'd snap his spine if he did."

"You'd do that for me?" Scandal said in awe.

"Poppet I just did it five minutes ago to Kiteman. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Beloved." Scandal returned the sentiment as they embraced one another. Love.

"_Yes Merry Christmas indeed!_"

The two turned to the fireplace. Out of the stocking popped Ragdoll.

"You've been here the whole time haven't you?" Scandal asked.

"_And not just me. Lloyd, come out and help spread the Christmas cheer_!" Ragdoll motioned to the wall behind him. Kay destroyed the wall, revealing Deadshot with a camera.

"You're gonna castrate and nueter us now, aren't you?" he asked. They silently nodded as Scandal unsheathed the Lamentation Blades and Knockout cracked her knuckles.

"_I'd sorry to say they'd missed the chance. But they can have the jar if they want! But you can only have one_." Ragdoll told the advancing two, and Deadsot.

"For God's sake stop telling us the things, 'Doll!" Deadshot begged.

And Ragdoll and Deadshot were never seen again, until the next _Secret Six_ series where it was revealed that it was really counterparts from Earth-53.

****

Next Track:

09. Better Watch Out


	9. Better Watch Out

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion or Terror Titans. My attempt at bitter irony.

**Clock King**: The mysterious leader of the Terror Titans, a team of teen legacy villains consisting of Dreadbolt, Disruptor, Persuader, and Copperhead. Currently runs the Dark Side Club and orchestrates fights between teen metahumans. A master manpulator with the ability to see 4.6692 seconds in the future, in a state of constant precognition.

**Thunder**: Cece Beck. The power of Shazam and the Marvel Family. From 6000 years in the future.

* * *

The gears click and wind. Time is standing still in this place. A giant clock. The home of a sociopath genius. The monitors, keeping track of the teen metahumans being brainwashed, his Titans training.

"You're late." He says. The Clock King.

"Welcome to my humble home." He begins walking throu-

"I would appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut while I'm narrating."

…

"Better. As you all know by now, I have been chosen as the next host in this pathetic parade of holiday joy. Which means I've been forced to take a break for my dealings with the Dark Side Club, but I've taken the steps to make sure my Terror Titans continue their work like good little helpers. My story is brief. My story isn't about joy or love, it's about making due with what you have, and why you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Sadly, Mick Yardreigh learns that the hard way from his dealings with the Fatal Five, so if he wants to look to the New Year, he'd best…"

****

09. Better Watch Out

"Good night, my little angel. See you in the morning."

"Night daddy."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Pleasant dreams."

He pressed his hand on the wall pad, and the lights went out as his little angel slept. Lewrence Enderson walked into the living room of his lavish penthouse apartment. He smiled at all the splendor, the expensive Christmas decorations crafted on far-off alien worlds, the twinkling lights molded from the finest crystal, and the dozens upon dozens of gifts that cluttered the bottom of his tree. All for his little girl. His Angel. Only seven years old, and those seven years were the brightest of his life. Never asking for anything but getting everything, never disobeying and never misbehaving. All of his love for his little girl. The love to make up for her whore of a mother, who ran off while she was still in the emergency room. He went into the closet in his bedroom, and pulled out some more gifts, hidden behind a big black box covered in dust, the box Angel was told never to look in, his one secret. A big secret. A very bad secret. And that secret came back to bite him in the ass the minute the phone rang.

RRRIIINGG!!

Lewrence was startled, he almost knocked over the tree as he was inspecting a gift in green wrapping paper. Who could be calling at this hour? He'd hoped it didn't wake up Angel. He picked up it up.

"Hello?"

"Mick? That you?" The voice on the other end asked.

"Wrong number pal."

"Oh I don't think so. Mick. Mick Yardreigh." The caller replied in a distorted voice. Lewrence silently gasped, his pulse increased and his eyes grew wide with fear.

"Black Mace."

Mick hung his head.

"Muscle for hire. Wanted for ten different murders. Worked for Leland McCauley, Dr. Lars Hascomb, and as a member of the Taurus Gang. Disappeared about seven years ago, along with his baby girl. This was some time after his wife ran off with another man and was never heard from again."

Mick slowly turned to the door to his daughter's room.

"You really should know better then to pose for a group picture in the front."

"What do you want?" Mick growled.

"Metropolis Harbor. Pier 51. Come alone."

CLICK.

Mick slammed the phone back on the receiver. He cursed to himself over and over again.

FLASHBACK

__

"This it?"

Mick was hunched over two black cases. His partner took off the black ski mask and breathed in relaxation. There was sweat on his brow.

"Yep. Everything Hascomb left over."

His partner unlocked the cases. Their latest caper. Lars Hascomb, their boss, Starfinger, dead and mutilated, made to look like the Legion of Super-Villains did it. And here was his money

"Peat, we have outdone ourselves." Mick laughed. The two best friends high-fived one another. They'd been in this game long enough to know that when you look out for one another, you get things done quicker

"Millions. Millions and millions." Peat smiled excitedly, "and that's just in this one case. And no one need ever know."

"You remember the deal?" Mick said.

"No prob. One for you and one for me." Peat explained. "That's what that bastard Hascomb gets for handing us over to the sprocking Sci-Pol."

"And after this we can both retire. You with your baby, and me with-"

WHACK!

"Sorry Peaty."

Peat slumped to the floor. Mick laughed as he ran his fingers through the bills, before locking the cases back up as sirens came in the distance.

"As much as this is, millions of dollars have a habit of getting spent quickly. I figure, I could use a little nest egg. Invest it, let it in increase over the years, so my little baby doesn't have to worry if anything happens."

He took the cases and hoped out the window as his partner lay unconscious.

"Merry Christmas, douche bag."

END FLASHBACK

Mick walked back into his bedroom, into the closet. Hands shaking, he slowly pulled out the dust-covered box, and unlocked it with the key he prayed he would never use again.

"Hey." He said. Inside was a large, black mace. He picked it up, and swung it in the air. Smirking to himself, he remembered how good it felt. But then he grimaced. Pulling on a long overcoat, he stepped into his daughter's room. She lay so still and perfect on the sheets. A sleeping beauty. Mick sighed, before he kissed her on the cheek and once again told her good night.

"Merry Christmas my little angel. I love you."

And the door hissed shut.

"Daddy?"

…

Cece Beck sighed out loud as she sipped a cup of cider. She leaned back in her chair and watched the monitors.

"So, this is what I'm doing for Christmas." She said to herself. Blessed with the powers of Captain Marvel and the wizard Shazam, a Legion member and a foster child from the far, far future. Farther then Kell. 6000 years farther. Truth be told, she didn't even know what Christmas was until last month, when Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl took the time to explain it to her. But she had no family to visit in this era, so without anything else, she got stuck with monitor duty along with Nemesis Kid. Why couldn't it have been Lightning Lad or Chameleon Boy? They were fun to be with. But Hart didn't show up. There is nothing worse then being alone on the holidays.

"If this is what it's like, I'm looking forward to Kwanzaa." She joked to herself.

An hour passed. Nothing. She finished her cider.

Another hour passed. Nothing still. She was playing with a lock of her blond hair.

One more hour passed. She fell asleep.

RRRRIIINGG!!

"I'm up! I'm up!" She fell out of her chair.

"Nice one, Cece. Hope no one saw that." She said to herself.

"Hello? This is Thunder. Yes, of the Legion. What? A bomb?!"

…

Mick pulled his coat closer. It was freezing down by the docks, which were closer to the apartment building than you would think. There, Dock 51. Old, abandoned, typical. The warehouse stood alone and dark. He cautiously stepped inside, his weapon hidden in his coat. There was only one light

"No. Not you guys." Mick gasped. The Fatal Five. Five of the deadliest, psychotic minds in the galaxy. Emerald Empress, Persuader, Mano, Tharok, and Validus. Criminals, murderers, sociopaths. Monsters.

"Wha, what do you want with me?" Mick tried to step back, but the Persuader was there behind him, his atomic axe glowing.

"Don't take this the wrong way Mick, honestly," the Empress said with faux sincerity as they ganged up on him, snickering. "But, we've been paid to take care of some of your unfinished business."

Mick breathed one word. "Peat."

"While we have nothing against you and your line of work, and we might not be getting paid enough…" the Empress started.

"We'd be fools to avoid this kind of fun." Tharok told him.

"Takron-Galtos can be pretty boring around the holidays." Mano explained.

"And the story around this, priceless!" The Empress laughed. "A man who sold out his best friend for no other reason other than he could."

"That's not true! I was thinking of my daughter!" Mick tried to explain. The Persuader knocked him to the ground.

"So that's why you stole more then you needed, even though you already had plenty to support her." Tharok asked.

"Tsk tsk, Micky." The Empress waved her finger. "You know what they say about cheaters."

"You should be more discriminate when it comes to screwing people over. It'll come back to bite you." Mano joked.

Mick couldn't take it. He took out his mace and swung it at them, until Validus simply swiped him aside and STEPPED on him. Mick coughed up blood.

"How's that for a sleigh ride?" Mano joked.

"This is all we get? How boring." The Empress moaned as she floated in the air. Validus held Mick by the arms. Mano slowly took his gloves, revealing the hands that burned with antimatter energy.

"Any last words?" Mano asked as he stepped closer.

"What've you been paid?" Mick asked.

"What do you care?" Tharok asked.

"I'll double it."

…

"There."

CLICK. It was done.

"Here's your blood money." Mick told them. It turns out years of investing really did pay off. By three years he'd earned double what he stole. This was chump change compared to what he had.

"My favorite kind." Mano said.

"Another 500 if you shut up now."

"Done." Mano clammed up.

"So, what's Peat been up to since he got busted?" Mick asked.

"Mick, Peat's been dead for two years." The Empress said.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, died in prison. We got hired by Peat's widow. In fact, she still lives in Metropolis." Tharok explained. Mick laughed.

"Well it sure sucks to be her right now when you guys tell her she wasted her money."

"Why? Wait, you think we were after you?" The Empress asked.

"But-"

He was cut off by their raucous laughter.

"I love it when they over assume." The Empress said as she wiped away a tear from her eyes.

"We wanted to give you a message from her. She says that maybe know you'll understand what it's like to lose someone." Tharok told him.

"What?" Mick blanked.

BOOM!

"And there she goes."

Mick sunk to his knees. He watched as the apartment, his home, had submerged in flames. Flames that started in the top. In the penthouse. In his daughter's bedroom.

"Merry Christmas, douche bag." They taunted. Before he could say anything, the five disappeared in emerald light. He didn't blink. He didn't cry. He didn't utter a sound. Until the breathing started. And the destruction followed.

…

She sunk into bed, a mug of tea on the nightstand next to her and a lit cigarette in an ashtray. Where were they? They should've called. She already gave them all the money she had saved, the money Peat told her about in prison, in that duffle bag buried in the lot. For emergencies. Money he got from selling off the stolen Spiffany Jewels. Then, the holo phone beeped. She answered.

"It's done." The Empress said on the screen.

"Thank you." She replied.

"Oh no thanks. It was our pleasure." The Empress said before signing off. She sighed. Revenge, and it felt so good. She held up her mug.

"Rest in peace, Peaty. Maybe this'll make up for the Christmas' we couldn't spend together-"

CRASH!

"What the-?!"

She looked over to the window in the living room. The wind howled and the snow flew in. He stood in the shadows by a pathetic Christmas tree. His eyes glowed with hatred. It's amazing how handy the yellow pages are.

"YOU!!" He screamed.

"Yes me, you son of a bitch!" She screamed at him. "You ruined my life when you sold out my husband." She told him. "He always talked about you, his best friend. Sometimes it felt like he shoulda married you instead, the way he talked. And you sold him out. You took away the one thing in my sick life that made me smile, SO I RETURNED THE FAVOR!"

She tossed her mug at him, at his bald head. He didn't flinch.

"How's it feel, huh?" Peat's widow asked, taking a puff of smoke from her cigarette.

Mick would not reply.

"I said how does it feel you piece of-?!"

WHACK!

The mace went right across her face. She sunk to her knees and grasped at her bleeding and shattered nose, breathing erratically as tears streamed down her face.

"Die!"

WHACK!

Another hit, sending her flying across the room. She tried to stand, but another blow prevented it. Again and again as blood, brains, and skull matted the floor and his mace. The blood across his face made him look like a wild animal. Because that was what he was. A wild animal.

"Die! Die! DIE!!!!" He screamed.

"**DIE!!!!!!**"

"Science Police! Freeze!"

It took thirty-four science policemen to bring him down. They got called in when someone saw a mysterious figure sneaking into Peat's Widow's yard. Then they had to call in more, and more, screaming all the way for everything to die. Drugged and strapped in a straightjacket, he silently rode down all the way to his cell in Metropolis S.P. Headquarters as the last bit of whatever soul he had slowly rotted away. At the ruins of the apartment building, the tenants huddled out in the snow as their home smoldered in ashes. Thunder succeeded in getting the people out in time, following a call about a Christmas gift disguised as a bomb, but was too late to stop the bombing, nor did she understand how to disarm a bomb. And she held in her arms a crying little girl who wanted her daddy.

And somewhere, five monsters were laughing and having the time of their life.

"Merry Christmas, boys!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

…

"So, you see what happens when you look a gift horse in the mouth? Little Angel gets to grow up without a father, and Mick gets to spend the rest of his life thinking his little girl died. Not like he could ever go back to her with what he did. So, maybe while you're unwrapping your gifts under the tree, you'll think twice about what you get. Happy Holidays."

****

Next Track:

10. Anno Domine


	10. Anno Domine

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, Green Lantern, or Batman.

Meant to take place during the Batman episode _Christmas With The Joker_.

* * *

A planet vibrant and filled with flora and fauna that dazzle the eyesight. Two small beings, blue skinned, one with white hair in a ponytail, the other bald. They radiated blue energy.

"Hello readers. I am Ganthet." The first, a male spoke.

"And I'm Sayd." The other, a female spoke.

"We were once members of the Guardians of the Universe, cosmic immortals responsible for the creation of the intergalactic police force called the Green Lantern Corps." Ganthet explained.

"But, do to recent events, we no longer belong to the Corps." Sayd told.

"We have gone against our fellow Guardians, we violated the Book of Oa…" Ganthet want on to tell.

"And we allowed ourselves to feel." Sayd finished.

"And now, we've started our own Corps, powered by the sentient energy in man's ability to hope. In the blue end of the emotional spectrum. Why?" Ganthet asked.

"We believe that life is sacred. Life must survive." Sayd and Ganthet held in hands. "We believe in hope, and compassion, and love."

"Which is why we believe in this story we are about tell you. About

****

10. Anno Domine

"Knock knock."

"It's open."

The doors slid open.

"Who is it?" Rokk Krinn, a.k.a. Cosmic Boy asked, not taking his eyes away from the screen and the dozens of holo-pads containing information on legislations and documentations of every planet and every nation. The visitor crept up, and put their hands around his eyes.

"Guess who?" She asked.

"Knock it off, Lydda." He playfully said. Lydda Jath, a.k.a. Night Girl, pulled her hands away from his eyes.

"Hey, no fair peeking!" She playfully moaned.

"What is it?" He wearily asked. Lydda looked offended.

"What is it? What is it? What day is it?" She asked.

"It's… uh…" Rokk tried to remember, Lydda looked annoyed.

"Christmas Eve, silly!" She threw her hands up in frustration.

"Oh, right! Duh." Rokk hit his forehead with the palm in his hand. Lydda then smiled and leaned closer.

"So, I thought I could pull you out of here for a little Christmas fun in the city." She told him. Suddenly, Rokk's smile disappeared and Lydda began to worry.

"Lydda. I'm sorry. I've gotta too-" He started to apologize, before she put a finger to his lips.

"Much work. Yeah, yeah. Well, I tried." She waved her hands in a c'est la vie manner.

"Sorry." He apologized again. He got up and kissed her on the lips. "We can do something tomorrow, I promise."

"Well, before I go…" Lydda said, putting down the tote bag she had over her shoulder and starting to dig into it.

"Yes?" Rokk asked.

"Can we at least take a Christmas photo?"

She pulled out a small, black camera.

"Now's not a good time. I-"

"Pretty bitty please with Christmas trees?" She gave her p

"Okay. One photo." Rokk caved in. In a bolt of lightning, Lydda grabbed him and dragged him into the lounge, in front of the big Christmas tree. She was so excited she forgot that she nearly crushed his wrist with her darkness-activated super strength. She huddled him closer to her as she aimed the camera in front of him. They smiled wide.

"Saaaay Christmas Tree!" Lydda told him.

"Christmas Tree." He happily applied

FLASH!

Cos started to rub his eyes.

"Okay, Lydda. Now that you have your picture I'll-"

He was suddenly cold. Cos moved his hands away from his eyes, slowly, and found himself at a loss of words.

"Merry Christmas!" Lydda shouted.

They weren't in HQ. They weren't in New Metropolis. They weren't in the 31st Century anymore. They were standing in a busy crowd, in the streets, of Gotham City, on Christmas Eve, in the 20th Century. Without thinking, acting on instinct, Rokk grabbed Lydda by the arm and dragged her into an empty alley. Of course in Gotham City where can you find an empty alley?

"Lydda what did you do?!" Rokk screamed.

"Well since you were so busy and so very stubborn, I got to thinking. Then it came to me. Why don't we spend Christmas in the past, that way we can get it out of our systems, and you can get all your work done. Get it?" Lydda explained. Rokk furrowed his brow and started to lecture her.

"You can't just drag me into the 21st-"

"20th." She corrected.

"Whatever! Have you ever heard of something called the Butterfly Effect? Ray Bradbury wrote a book about it, which was turned into a movie? Hell, the Simpsons even did an episode about it! When the baby axed the Scottish guy in the back and she sounded like James Earl Jones. You wanna go back and get chopped up by a five-year old who sounds like Sean Connery?" Rokk finished his rant.

"You done?:" Lydda innocently asked as she crept back up to him, before cowering behind a dumpster while listening to his inane rant.

"Pretty much." He said. But his face was still bright red.

"Well, no, I don't. But I already knew that."

"Then why would you-"

"A Certificate and licensed documentation from Mister Rond Vidar of the Time Institute allowing me to commandeer a time cube and allow us to travel back to the 20th Century, after carefully plotting out our course of travel and figuring out every interval and possible outcome of our arrival, and carefully proving that there is no chance for anything to screw up our present by traveling to the past."

Lydda pulled out of her tote bag, which she'd taken with her, documents and holo-pads signed and approved by the Time Institute of New Metropolis and one honorary Legionnaire and Green Lantern, Rond Vidar.

"And this is all legit?" Rokk asked, still unsure.

"Yep." Lydda plainly put out. Rokk processed this for a minute.

"Well, if there really is no chance of anything bad happening because of us…"

"Yeah…?" Lydda leaned in excitedly. Rokk sighed.

"Well I guess I can spare a few hours."

Lydda woo-hooed, before recomposing herself.

"Like you had a choice." She coolly said. But, Rokk realized there was a problem. He looked down at his outfit, and at hers.

"But, uh, what are we going to do about-"

"Taken care of." She said. Lydda opened the tote bag again, but before she did, she took out her hair pins and let her black hair flow down. Rokk felt his heartbeat rage. She looked lovelier then she did before. But she would always be beautiful. Always. Lydda pulled out two sets of clothes, one for her and one for him, and then pulled out a small leather wallet filled with money proper to this time.

"I asked Kal if he could lend me a few dollars." Lydda explained.

"I didn't know you were such good friends with Superman." Rokk thought out loud.

"Oh please when I told him it was to get you out of the HQ he practically gave me his entire wallet." She laughed.

"Nice." Rokk said sarcastically.

The two walked into the back of a clothing store, went into their respective dressing rooms, and changed into the clothes Lydda brought. She had on a black skirt, black leggings, black boots, a white long-sleeved shirt with a yellow crescent moon, white gloves, and a black beret on her head, along with a white jacket. Rokk had on blue jeans, a jersey for the Metropolis Meteors, a denim jacket, and gloves. Both their respective looks did well for their frames, Lydda's curves and Rokk's build as a former Magnoball athlete. And both kept on their flight rings, Lydda's being an honorary one what with her status as a Sub. The two left the store, unnoticed by just about everyone, hand in hand,, as Lydda dragged Rokk out into the Winter Wonderland Gotham could become in winter…

When you aren't worrying about the psychos, that is.

"Now let's go! There's a whole city waiting for us!" Lydda said as she dragged her boyfriend.

"It's true what they say. Girls really do just wanna have fun."

…

For the rest of the night, Lydda dragged Rokk around the city, even though Rokk knew most about it, being a history buff and all. They walked through the zoo, a museum, window-shopped in a primitive Earth mall, and ate in a fancy café. Lydda had her picture taken with Santa, and they ice-skated in front of Bergduff's. The two were having a wonderful time. It felt good to laugh and to be out of his room, thought Rokk. Lydda was just happy to see him smile. They capped the night in Gotham Park. They stood in front of a vendor and bought cider and hot chocolate. Rokk even said to keep the change, after handing the woman a twenty. They sat on a snowy bench in the cold December night.

"Well?" Lydda asked as she took in the aroma of her cider.

"Okay, I'll admit this was fun." Rokk smiled.

"See?"

"And, this night with you has been one of the most relaxing nights I've had in a while." Rokk told her.

"And you still have plenty of time to finish those nasty reports." Lydda told.

"Yeah, about that, Lydda." Rokk started, but stopped when he saw the sparkling look in her eyes. He was lost for a moment, leaned in, and-

BOOM!

The two fell out of the bench as the ground shook. Their drinks spilled onto the ground. People started screaming and running.

"What the sprock was that?!" Lydda yelled.

"Up there!" Someone yelled and pointed upwards.

"What's going on?" Rokk asked. Up, in the sky, they saw fiery projectiles hurling towards various points of Gotham. They were being fired from a faraway observatory. Lydda pulled someone aside and asked what was happening.

"The Joker is trying to blow up Gotham!" The man said.

"Fo' sho'?" Lydda asked in the native tongue.

"Fo' sho!" He replied, and ran off.

"He's jury rigged Gotham Observatory into a cannon!" Someone screamed. The two looked up, and there was the Bat Signal in the sky, not knowing that the protectors of Gotham were already doing something about it. Lydda was just about to fly up when Rokk stopped her.

"Lydda we can't interrupt!"

"We have to! Batman and Robin can't stop the gunfire hurling towards the city."

"But-" He started.

"Rokk! I told this was taken care of!"

"I…" He started again, but, there was a nagging voice in his head. It was saying one thing…

__

Stop sprockin' complaining and DO SOMETHING!!

"No, you're right Lydda. You're absolutely right." Rokk told her.

"Thank you." She said.

"We need to save the city. But, we can't do it like this." He motioned to their clothes.

"Taken care of." She said. And opened the tote bag once again, and pulled out two new costumes. She handed Rokk his.

"Here."

He looked at her.

"In case of emergencies."

"You think of everything, don't you?" Rokk joked.

"Someone has to." She joked back.

…

Up in the sky, more flaming balls of death where being fired at the city. One, in particular, was aimed right at GCPD. It went straight at it, burning and lighting up the sky, before it stopped in mid air and flew into the harbor, as if it was compelled.

"Got one."

Up in the sky, their flew a man in a purple-and-blue outfit, mostly purple. On his side was a blue patch with designs resembling magnetic waves. He wore a mask which covered his face save for his mouth and eyes. Two gauntlets, one on each arm. Rokk Krinn, a.k.a. Polestar.

"You good?" Rokk asked into his ring.

Over by the bay, two more projectiles were hurled into the water, away from any boats, by a black haired girl with super-strength.

"I'm good, hon."

She wore a suit similar to her Night Girl uniform, except this had no sleeves except for gloves, and a translucent silk cape. On her chest was a yellow crescent moon and a red sun. She wore a domino mask.

"Oh hold on."

One projectile was aimed straight at her.

BAM!

She sent it flying straight into another one and they blew up on impact.

"I'm good."

Over at Rokk, he had his hands full with plenty of the projectiles, when, suddenly, one flew by him and headed straight for a nearby bridge!

"No!"

Too late.

BOOM!

It blew right through the bridge, and it was too late for the driver of the bus that went off the edge. They screamed as they plummeted down into the icy river, when, suddenly, it stopped, just floating there. And Rokk carefully levitated it back onto the bridge.

"No problem. I've got you." He said.

He placed it on the bridge, and the doors opened. Rokk's jaw dropped. It was a bus full of nuns.

"You have GOT to be kidding me." Rokk said in disbelief.

"Bless you." The Mother Superior said.

"No problem, ma'am." Rokk waved to her.

"Please, young man!" One of the sisters called. "What's your name?"

"Uh…" Rokk had to think. Quick.

"Polestar."

The rest of the sisters conveyed their thanks as Rokk flew off.

"Lydda, I've managed to divert all the projectiles. Actually it stopped." Rokk noticed. Up in the sky, the observatory had stopped firing.

"We've got another problem." Lydda said through her ring.

"What?"

"There's trouble at the church!"

Rokk rolled his eyes. "Tis the season for cliches."

…

People were screaming and cowering in fear. Thugs in straw masks were looting the place

"Amazing, how even the most joyous of holidays can bring out such fear in mankind." Jonathan Crane, the Scarecrow, stood over the altar as the parishioners screamed, twitched, and convulsed in fear.

"So much for the deliverance of the Messiah." He laughed, a plate of fear-toxin laced communion wafers on the altar.

The doors burst open.

"Enough games you Washington Irving rip-off!" Lydda screamed.

"And your name would be…?" Scarecrow asked.

"Dusk."

"Ah, well then, Miss Dusk, I'm sorry to have to say you're in the way. Actually, I'm not sorry. Boys!" The Scarecrow snapped his fingers and his thugs charged at her. She stood her ground.

"Like you could beat-"

WHACK!

She got sent flying near the confessionals.

"Me."

"Seems I won't be getting much of a treat this year. Any last words?" Scarecrow asked.

"I'm sorry! But please don't turn out the lights! I'm scared of the dark!" She shook in fear.

"Is that so?"

He snapped his fingers again The shot the lights out.

KZZT.

"Thanks."

POW! BLAM! SUCKER PUNCH! HEMORRHAGE! INTERNAL BLEEDING!

…

The police had Scarecrow and his goons locked up.

"Thank you for help, uh…" A police officer asked.

"Polestar." Rokk said.

"And Dusk." Lydda said.

FLASH! FLASH!

The two had to shield their eyes from the paparazzi, with their endless stream of questions. Rokk grabbed Lydda and the flew back into the park. She pulled out the Time Cube.

"Say cheese."

FLASH!

"You were right, Lydda. That was nice." Rokk said, taking off his mask.

"And you still have time to finish your reports." Lydda told him.

"Well, actually…" Rokk started. He pulled out a brochure.

"What is…?"

"A week at Ventura. I'd already requested time off. I was just handling the final pay. We can spend the week until New Year's. How's-"

She embraced him. He dropped the brochure. They stood there for about five minutes.

"Thanks for one wonderful Christmas." Rokk told her. "And here's hoping to another wonderful one."

"Don't thank me." She said. Inside the tote bag was an old newspaper clipping, one thousand years old.

****

MYSTERIOUS SUPERHERO COUPLE DUSK & POLESTAR HELP SAVE GOTHAM DURING CHRISTMAS RAMPAGE

And Rokk and Lydda eagerly awaited the New Year together, in hope for what the future would bring.

…

"Wherever you are, on whatever planet you celebrate…" Sayd said.

"We hope you spend it looking forward to the future, and what it might bring for you and your loved ones." Ganthet finished.

"Happy Holidays." They said, hand-in-hand.

****

Next Track:

11. What Is Christmas?


	11. What Is Christmas?

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, or X-Men, but I do own Ginger Anderson. Use her without my say so, and I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU DEAD!

* * *

The Xavier Institute for the Gifted. The gazebo overlooking the sea. One inside. A girl with long brown hair and brown eyes, about sixteen.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be celebrating with your loved ones?"

…

"Me? I just stepped out for some air." she turned around.

"Hi. My name's Ginger Anderson. I might also go by May Queen. That's my second name here at the Xavier School."

She reached into her coat pocket and took out her gloves, which she put on her hands, showing off her rose crest ring.

"Most of you might, or might not know this, but I've had some relationship trouble. My boyfriend ran away from home three years ago, and I swore off men after that. Why? Because I was mad at him, and because, well, I missed him. I found him again, and I might not have done the smartest thing. I slapped him. His name's Ray Crisp, or Berzerker. I don't think you've heard of him either. But anyway, those three years gave me a course in loneliness, not as big as this other girl, but enough. Especially at the holidays. Which is what Mekt Ranzz is doing right now as he's pondering one of the age old questions. Just exactly…"

****

11. What Is Christmas?

What is it, exactly? An ancient Earth holiday celebrated by the members of an ancient religion who worshipped a bastard birth inside some barn. Really inspiring.

Mekt Ranzz walked down the snowy winter road, down from his family farmhouse and onto a nearby bridge. He was in a melancholic mood. There was plenty of melancholy to be spread around this time of year.

He looked over, back to the farmhouse where his mother, his father, and his little sister were.

Little. It felt so weird. She should be well into her late teens by now. But no. She was still a little girl. About ten. And that was his fault. Most of the things that happened to his family were his fault.

Most people always had Mekt pegged for the problem child, the misfit, the different one. It would be hard not to. Why? People on his planet are born as twins. Mekt didn't have one, of course. That made him a solo. That made him different, strange, dangerous. And, for a while, Mekt enjoyed the labels. And then his parents had two more kids, a boy and a girl, his younger siblings Garth and Ayla, and then his parents got to be normal. They didn't have to worry about him.

No, that isn't right, Mekt thought. Mom and dad weren't like that.

But he still remembers. The first few Christmases he had, when he was alone, they gave him all the gifts he could've wanted. They probably spoiled him a little bit. And then Garth and Ayla came along. That first Christmas, he ripped open his gifts so fast it was like a whirlwind. He got the action figure he really really really wanted. He wanted to show his parents how much he had playing with it. But they were too preoccupied with the newborn babies, cooing and giggling at the shiny baby toys mom and dad were waving in their faces while they made stupid noises. The first emotion Mekt felt was sadness. Why weren't they paying attention to him? Were they more special then him? And then, he felt jealous. His eyes became green, then red, as he smashed that expensive action figure against the wall. It startled his parents, and made his siblings cry. They punished Mekt, and sent him to his room. And Mekt began to realize what made him so different from everyone else. There was only one of him, and apparently his parents got half what they wanted, so all the extra attention now went to those two intruders. All that attention would be theirs now.

Is that what Christmas is about, attention?

No, that probably wasn't what Christmas was about, he thought as he walked through the snow even farther. He couldn't even see the house anymore. He probably shouldn't have left Ayla alone. This was not a good year. Their parents were sick, and Garth wasn't coming home. It was Ayla's first after her return, and he was sure this wasn't what she wanted.

Wanted. What did he want?

He then remembered the Christmas after that. The twins started to walk and talk so early, their hair began to grow. Red. Auburn. The same shade. People sometimes joked that they looked like elves. And Mekt thought that was stupid. Who would want to be compared to underpaid, ugly little trolls that carried out the whims of some perverted stalker who kept track of everything you did. But there was one thing he wanted from that old man. He wanted to be a twin. He wanted someone identical to him. He wanted to be complete. So, he behaved. He did everything his parents asked him to do. All his chores, his homework, his vegetables. And he was especially nice to his baby siblings. And then Christmas morning came, and Christmas went, and all he did was hold up in his room and cry for not getting what he wanted as all his new toys and video games lay around his bed, unused and covered in tears.

Is that what Christmas is about, disappointment?

No, he didn't think that was what it was either.

The wind started to pick up, the night started to grow darker. Mekt made his way on down the trail. He wondered if Ayla was alright. Their parents were still in the hospital. He just stormed out. When he did get so angry. He never got angry with her. Garth, maybe. But not her. Okay, maybe a little. But he would never want to hurt her. As the years went on, and they got older, Mekt began to feel less and less antagonism towards his lucky brother and sister. But he was getting much more reckless. More of a troublemaker. People around him expected that. They saw people like Mekt, or solos, as dangerous, deformed. Freaks. Normally around Christmas, Mekt saw them playing with their own gifts, and he figured they wouldn't want to share with him because they could share with each other. What did they need to share with him? So he'd take their toys without asking, and that would cause the brawling and crying. And then, as he held their own stuff over his head, he would look in their eyes, and he would sadness that made him feel like the word everyone else thought of him.

Monster.

Is that it? Sadness and guilt? Is that what Christmas is?

But then, he would stop and give it back to them. And would apologize and say he would try to be a better brother. But that didn't stop him from being reckless.

And then, the accident. And Ayla was gone.

That Christmas was one of the most brutal Christmases he ever had. How appropriate to be thinking of it now that he had just reached a graveyard on his walk.

The snow was falling, falling still. It laced the tombstones and markers and crosses and statues, like powder it fell. Masking the markers for people who died years and years before Mekt was even a thought. People who were missed and people who were despised. People with someone and people with no one. Mekt wondered which he was. The night grew cold. Mekt walked down the path as he thought about the Christmas when death was on their minds.

That year, a lot of the family came to the Ranzz farmhouse. All to shower Garth with love and affection for spending the first Christmas since his twin died. That Christmas Mekt also learned there two kinds of solos. There were the natural, handmade solos born out of some Winathian couple's attempt at grope fest in the back side of an Intergalactic Combine Harvester. And the other kind, those were the ones born of misery. The ones created from illness and accidents, murders and suicide. Death. These were artificial solos, not reviled but forever given sadness for becoming half what they were. They were not like the real thing. And they could never hope to understand what the real thing was, because to the others they had a chance to live a normal life.

Of course no one came to give Mekt any condolences. Any kind words to dull the pain. Why would they? It wasn't his twin that died. That silence was laced with one thing. Accusations. And that made him hate Garth even more.

But the really sickening thing was when he tried to talk to him about how he felt. Tried to talk about what happened, like he had done so many other times.

No, Mekt would think. So he could place the blame on me? No, it wasn't me. It wasn't my fault. You. You didn't do anything. You just stood there like a helpless child. And Garth got upset. He tried to reason with him, telling him that there was nothing he could do, but Mekt kept pushing it on him, until Garth, for the first time, got mad. And then HE started yelling for a change. He blamed Mekt. For everything. The joyride. Convincing them to come along. Not making sure there was enough fuel. Egging on those stupid lightning beasts. And then, Mekt let loose. It was the first time he used the lightning to fight someone. It was the first for Garth. But in that moment, it was the first time Garth ever beat Mekt. And that look in his little brother's eyes, it scared Mekt.

Fear? Despair? Death? No, that couldn't be what Christmas was about.

The snow crunched under his boots. Mekt shivered, he pulled his coat tighter. He stopped in front of the small mausoleums. Those little houses of death. Why bother building a house if you only go in once a year? Oh, wait, there was someone who never left, of course. But that didn't make it a house. That made it a prison.

Prison. He just got out of prison. Finally turned around from a life of crime. What started that life of crime? The need to show up Garth.

After their fight, the urges of jealous and contempt kept coming back. But he masked it with a veil of superiority and so-called "worldly experience."

He would always look after his little brother.

Always. Always gotta be a competition. Always gotta show him up. And then, he ran away from home. They didn't need him on that stupid farm. They had their twins, what did they need him? But whenever he would run into Garth, it always became a competition. Whether it was legal or illegal. He just had to be a better athlete. Even if he had to help rig the proceeding. He just had to have a cooler and better trained super team, even if they were cold hearted sociopaths. But he couldn't back down. Just a layer of blasé coated to the veil, that should do it. It would get him more money, more prestige, more women, more power. The ticket to the winning team.

It also slowly bit away a chunk of his soul until he just about died inside.

So was that it then? Superiority? Validation?

He breathed slowly as he stared into the frost-covered stone.

But, that was all behind him now, right? Ayla, she was back. Garth, he forgave him like a good brother. Like the bigger man would Mekt never could have been. And Mekt took the forgiveness and tried to do good. Tried to act like a better brother. But why was it still there? Why was the pain and emptiness still there? Why did he feel like it was eating him inside and it was almost done?

He felt his blood rush. His eyes crackled and sparks danced. He breathed faster.

Was that it then. Anger?

What is it? Why won't someone tell him? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?!

****

WHY????!!!

And then, his thought process stopped. He heard footsteps. He turned his head, and in the dark, he could see four figures. A mother and father, and their two children walking in front of them. Two girls. They held each other's hands as they walked to the front, where their hovercar had been parked. The girls were anxious to get home. But, even in a graveyard, the family seemed… happy. No, they were happy. Why were they happy?

And then it hit him.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why the hell was he standing around in a graveyard when he left his sister home alone like the moron parents in that stupid movie? He needed to stop acting like an emo kid and he had to get out of there fast! And so he ran. He ran, and ran.

"Mom. Dad. Garth. Ayla."

Family.

…

"Well, what did you think of that? Not much action, mind you."

Ginger turned around, facing away from the grey sea as the snow fell.

"The important thing is, that Christmas represents now, more than ever, that families should be together. And if you don't have family, you should at least have someone. And if you don't, well, that's just sad. Well, I've gotta get back to the Institute. Sounds like that party's heating up."

She batted an eye and smiled.

"Merry Christmas."

****

Next Track:

**12. Christmas Jazz**


	12. Christmas Jazz

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes.

Almost done.

* * *

New Earth, 3008. Christmas Eve night. The Ranzz Apartment. Imra Ranzz had just put her son Graym to bed. She was wearing red pajama pants and a white tee with a yellow symbol of Saturn. She walked into the living room. Her husband, Garth, was watching a rerun of _Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer 2: Cousin Mel's Revenge_ on the couch. He was wearing black sweat pants, white socks, and a black shirt with the picture of a skull with wings. On TV, Cousin Mel was singing _I'm Gonna Get That Fat Sucka_, when Imra clicked it off.

"Hey!" He yelled. "I was watching that!"

"We have work to do." She reminded him.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, the narrating thing." He said, and sighed. She sat down on the couch next to him. "I'm still kinda ticked about the first gig I had." Garth picked up a gingerbread man from the plate their son left for Santa and bit into the head. "One fat joke after another. Can you believe it?" He said with his mouth full. She smirked. "What?"

She laughed. "Keep putting away those cookies and you _will_ have a weight problem." She warned.

"Not you too." He groaned, before he grabbed her closer. "My wife the comedienne. If I hadn't married you for your looks I would've married you for your sense of humor. Or not." He joked.

"And if it hadn't been your for your looks and I would've never said I do." She joked back. "Come on. We haven't introduced ourselves."

"They know who we are." Garth objected.

"Not everyone will."

"Fine." He gave in. "My name's Garth Ranzz…"

"And I'm Imra Ardeen Ranzz."

"The story we're about to tell you isn't about us. But about our counterparts on another Earth." Garth explained.

"Two kids much more inexperienced then us." Imra added. "But well versed in drama."

"You call that well versed?" Garth rolled his eyes.

"Anyway." Imra continued. "We're about to tell you about the first Christmas they really spent together."

"We'd tell you about ours, but this website doesn't have an X rated section." Garth smirked. She playfully slugged his arm.

"Don't be gross. So, sit tight, and listen to how a bad situation tuned around while you listen to some…"

****

12. Christmas Jazz

Garth banged his head onto the monitor keyboard. And he did so again and again and again. He couldn't believe it. Here it was Christmas Eve, and he was stuck in HQ, when he should've been on his way home to Winath to see his family.

"Stupid Nemesis Kid." He mumbled.

The first Christmas after his sister had returned. The first Christmas that they were really going to spend as a family after so many years of overdone drama. And all because he signed some stupid holo that he thought was for donations to a children's hospital.

The doors hissed open.

"Garth?" A voice asked. His eyes lit up.

"Imra!" He cried.

At the door was his beloved Imra. A sight for sore eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she walked in. His eyes lost that glow and they sunk back in the cold mug of chocolate at his right. He mumbled his problems and she took a seat next to him.

"Imra, I've got a problem." He moaned.

"What?"

"I've got the Christmas blues."

Normally blue was his favorite color, but he was really starting to hate. Imra, ever the compassionate one, lent her ear.

"Stupid Nemesis Kid made me sign a stupid signature to get me stuck on stupid monitor duty on stupid Christmas eve when I should be on a stupid ship visiting my stupid sister. Wait-!" He tried to correct himself.

"Come on. It's not that bad." Imra tried to relieve his pain.

"It's worse." He moaned.

"You could open one of your gifts now. I won't mind." She said. She'd spent practically a ship load of money on him. And vice versa.

"Thanks. But no thanks." He hung his head down. "Go off and do whatever you were planning to do. Don't worry bout me."

"But…" She trailed off as she sensed his sadness.

What was this? When stuff like this happened he was usually yelling and cursing. Not moping. Come to think of it, he usually acted sad at Christmastime. But so did a lot of people. But this, it was worse. Then an idea popped.

She stood up.

"Come on." Imra said.

"Huh?"

"We're going out."

"Wha?" He blushed so bad they should've named a new color after it. "But the-"

"Forget it. Let's go."

She pulled his arm and the two were out.

…

As Monstress had paused her holo of _Christmas Vacation_, and went to get a refill of cocoa, she'd stopped and overheard the problems the two were dealing with. A spark lit in her head, and she rushed to Nemesis Kid's room. He was still packing and humming to himself when she burst in.

"Hart!"

"Gah!" He jumped out of his skin.

"Where do you get off?" She asked.

"What? What are you-"

"Don't play the innocent!" Candi told him as she waved a large green finger. "Where do you get off tricking Lightning Lad into monitor duty on Christmas Eve, when he should be out there celebrating with his family?"

"But-"

"Do you realize what that poor boy is like right now. He practically cried!"

"Really?" Hart laughed.

"That isn't funny! How long has it been since he had the chance for a normal holiday with his family?"

"I know, but-"

"Do you have any idea how much trouble the Ranzzes have gone through the past few years?"

"Yes but-"

"So how could keep him apart from his older brother and his twin sister during the time of the year when families should be together?" Monstress demanded as she back Hart into a corner.

"I have a family too, you know!" Hart yelled. Candi backed up.

"You ever think that maybe I have family too? That maybe I'd like to spend some time with them during the holidays? But no, I get stuck with monitor duty. Well I'm sorry, but I did what I did because I just wanted to see my mom and dad and the rest of my family. Was that so wrong?" He finished. Monstress blinked.

"Of course not." She smiled. "I would've been free for monitor duty if you only asked."

Hart gulped. He realized now that he did something bad. Something mean.

"I, I'm sorry."

"I know. But you still lied and used dishonest means, so…"

…

Before he knew, Imra had flown him to a tiny café placed by a nearby college. One of the oldest buildings in the city. It was still made of bricks. They walked in through the front door. The place was decorated well enough for the holidays.

"Uh, aren't we a little… overdressed?" Garth asked. They were still in their uniforms.

"I come here a lot. No one will bother us."

They sat at a table. A candle lit in front of them. A waitress brought them two drinks. Garth didn't recognize these kinds of drinks. But Imra drank it quietly. He sipped it. Not bad, and it apparently wasn't alcoholic. Some kind of coffee.

"So…" Garth twiddled his thumbs, thinking of what to say. "How often do you come here, exactly?"

"Whenever I need time to think."

"You?" Garth laughed. "You're always thinking."

"You'd be surprised." She said as she put her drink down.

"Oh."

"Being a telepath, I'm susceptible to lots of emotions." Imra replied, her eyes focused on the performers. Two people. One played at the guitar. The other a piano. The café was filled with the sounds of sweet jazz. Christmas jazz.

"This place is much more quieter. It gives me the chance to think."

"About what?"

"Life. The Legion. The music."

Garth stopped. He listened. The music, it felt sad, yet festive. He felt his mind start to clear. He drifted off for a minute, lost in the gentle lullaby hidden between the piano jazz.

"So, you wanna talk?" Imra asked. She folded her hands like a psychiatrist. Garth smirked.

"Okay, Dr. Phil. First, I'm sorry I've been acting so mopey."

"It's understandable." She said. "Tell me, what do you dream of?" She joked.

"Ah, well-"

"Ah, so you hate your mother." Imra joked. "I'm guessing she didn't breastfeed you often enough."

The image that just went through Garth's mind made him repulsed and made him went to laugh out loud at the same time. He had to cover his mouth.

" No? Zen zit is your fazha!" She said mimicking Sigmund Frued.

"No, Dr. Ardeen. It's even worse." He said, his hand still covering his mouth. "He's my father AND my mother."

The two had a good laugh. Some people turned to see what so funny.

"Feel better?" Imra asked.

"Oh yeah." Garth said, and sighed. "So, you wanna know the truth?"

"I can handle the truth." Imra said.

"It's just, every Christmas I've had with Ayla and Mekt and my parents, there was always some arguing. Mekt usually acting like a brat and stealing our toys. But nothing that bad. Pretty enjoyable once it became the norm. Mekt even started acting better. And then we got our powers, and it was nothing but arguing, until he ran away and then I ran away, and the Legion. And with Ayla back, I really wanted to make this first Christmas with her back so much more better. But, our parents have been in the hospital since that hovercraft incident and I couldn't even see them in the hospital. Ayla's probably miserable."

"She has Mekt." Imra added.

"Yeah." Garth laughed. "But if you think I'm bad, you should see Mekt. Look up the word 'emo' and they have a whole collage of him."

Imra laughed. "Why?"

"He has a tendency of moping more then usual when he wasn't stealing our stuff."

Garth left again, before his gaze trailed to the people dancing in front of the performes as they strummed their strings and played the keys. Imra picked up the hint.

"Come on. Let's dance."

She led him into the light, as some other people danced in the café. The gentle melody, the jazzy notes, they flowed through their minds. Their feet practically moved by themselves. Garth didn't know he could dance. Imra didn't know she could dance. But they did anyway. He caught scent of her perfume. Roses. Of course. No other flower would've done justice. The melancholic tones coming the guitar and the piano didn't seem so melancholic. The mood didn't feel so blue. He pulled her as close as he could for this special dance. Time seemed to stop.

They stood in the light. They stopped moving. She felt warm. She felt so warm. She was a miracle in herself.

"I'm sorry. This is the best I can offer." She said.

"It's the greatest." He corrected.

Their eyes met.

"You're right." They kissed.

"Thanks."

…

Finally, the two sneaked back into HQ. They almost made it clear, until…

"Cos!"

Busted. There he was. With Lydda. And they were wearing such strange outfits.

"Uh, heh. Look Cos, I-" Garth started, before Cos interrupted.

"Look Garth. I'm sorry. If you want to go to Winath. You can go." Cos said.

"What?" Garth's jaw hung open.

"And take Imra too. It's Christmas. We'll take care of monitor duty." Cos motioned to Lydda. She closed his jaw and the two walked down the hall.

"Garth?" Imra waved her hand in his face.

"WOO-HOO!"

"We can be there by dawn." Imra said.

"Let's go!" And he swept her up in his arms at light speed, and they were off in the Legion cruiser.

Monstress waved to them as he ran past the monitor room, hoping they'd get the picture she saved them.

They laughed all the way there, as they took the picture of Monstress hanging Nemesis Kid from the archway by his underwear.

And on Hyar, Hart Druiter limped to his family.

…

"Finally." Garth sighed as he sank into the couch. He put his head on her lap. He looked up at her. "You're so warm, you know that? Is it possible for me to never have to leave this spot?"

"Maybe." She stroked his head like a kitten. He practically purred. He might've actually did.

"I love you. You know that?" Garth asked his wife. "I feel I should be telling you that more. I don't say it enough."

"How much until you've reached enough?"

"Never."

"And I love you." Imra replied. "I'll always love you. Until time ran out."

"And our son." Garth finished.

"And our son."

"Merry Christmas." They said together, and embraced.

****

Next Track

:****

It's A Wonderful Life, Ayla


	13. It's A Wonderful Life, Ayla

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

The End. Thanks for Reading.

* * *

A black space. A boy with long brown hair and red specks, in a white suit.

"Hey. The name's Kid Eternity. Call me the Kid."

He walked through the space.

"It's a funny feeling, being dead. I should know. I've been through it. And death can really screw you up. Like putting you in a game for control of the universe between the lords of Chaos and the lords of Order. Well that's not the exact description but it's close enough. So, anyway, I know about death. And I know about life. And I know plenty about wasted potential. Kids can say stupid things. But how often do they really mean it. One girl is about to find out. She's going to find out why…"

****

13. It's A Wonderful Life, Ayla

__

Your parents were in an accident…

Pretty badly hurt…

They won't be home for Christmas…

He got stuck on monitor duty…

I can't come Ayla. I'm so so sorry…

I'm going out…

Don't go! Please…

I hate this…

I… I wish…

"I wish I was never born!" She screamed.

Ayla Ranzz sobbed as she sat by the Christmas Tree in the family den. Tears ran down her face. This was the worst Christmas she ever had. She was all alone in the house. The presents weren't under the tree. Christmas dinner wasn't cooking. Mom and Dad weren't telling her to not peek. She wasn't fooling around with Garth. Mekt wasn't teasing them or calling them elves.

She was all alone. And no one was there. She wished she had stayed a cloud. She wished she'd stayed as electricity. It would've been better then this.

"Mom and dad are hurt…"

Her parents were in the hospital.

"Mekt's run off to who knows where…"

Her brother stormed out for practically no reason at all.

"And Garth isn't here." She cried.

Her brother, her own twin, her teenaged twin, couldn't come. Some jerk had tricked him into monitor duty. But she didn't care. She ran off before he could finish. The gifts she bought him sat in their old room.

She hated this. This feeling of loneliness. When she was a cloud, she believed they were coming to find her. But now, she knew they weren't. Christmas had changed. Everyone had changed except her. She didn't want to change.

"I wish I was never born." She said again.

"You don't really mean that."

Ayla jumped up.

There was a girl, a strange girl in her house! The girl sat across from her on the other couch. Ayla was curled up on the leather recliner. She jumped so hard the tree shook. The star nearly fell off.

"W-who are you?!" Ayla screamed.

The girl was a teenager. She had brown hair tied in a high ponytail. And she wore glasses.

"My name's Linda, Ayla. Linda Lee."

"W-what are you doing here?" Ayla cried. "Did you break in?" Stupid question. How else could see have gotten in. This girl was a burglar.

"No, I'm not a burglar, Ayla."

"How'd you know what I was thinking?"

"I know everything about you Ayla." The girl said with a smile. "I'm your guardian angel."

Ayla just stared at the girl.

"Y-you're crazy." She said.

"Says the ten-year old girl with a teenage twin brother who shoots lightning." Linda smiled.

Ayla sunk down in the chair.

"Okay, you got me there. But how do I know you're really an angel?" Ayla glanced suspiciously. Ah childhood wonder. "Where are your wings?"

"I haven't earned them yet. That's why I'm here. To convince you that life is worth living." Linda explained. "You're still young. But this kind of sadness can warp a person as they grow older. We, the folks upstairs, have decided to do something now before you're beyond reason."

"Sadness? Like my brother Mekt?" Ayla asked. "Why wasn't anyone there for him?"

"There was always some there for him." Linda explained. "But right now you're alone."

"And I hate it!" Ayla yelled. "I hate everything! I hate that nothing's the same!"

"Life changes." Linda said.

"I don't want anymore change! And if it won't stop then I don't want to be a part of it!" Ayla yelled, crying again.

"Do you want to see what the world would be like if you didn't exist?" Linda asked. "If you were never born?"

"I don't care! Go away!" Ayla yelled.

"I'm sorry, Ayla."

Linda snapped her fingers, and the world became dark. Ayla looked around. She could still see Linda. And only Linda. And then, she wasn't in the den anymore. She wasn't in her house.

It was cold, and dark. She was sitting in an alley covered with graffiti and garbage. There were sirens ringing everywhere. No sign of Christmas. She blinked, and Linda was gone.

"HEY YOU!!" Someone screamed.

"Huh?" Ayla blanked. Before she knew it, someone tall and threatening had just grabbed her by the arm. Ayla screamed as this person just threw her into hover car. Ayla hit her head on the class. She looked around. It was a police car.

"Think you could break curfew you little snot?!" The man, the officer said, through his helmet. "A night in the slammer might teach you some manners!"

Ayla screamed and yelled "let me go! let me go!" but the officer laughed. Ayla looked down, and was horrified. This was Metropolis. But it couldn't be. It was awful. Ugly. Polluted. Destitution. Crime. Prostitution. Drug dealing. Gangs. Broken windows. Demolished buildings and half-finished projects hanging open like half-completed abortions.

"What is this?! What's going on?!"

"Shut up!"

No matter how much she kicked and screamed, the officer didn't do anything. They finally reached the police station. Ayla was disgusted by the smells coming from the women hanging on the steps. The words on the building, it wasn't Metropolis Science Police. It was St. McCauley Precinct. Inside, there were all kinds of lowlives hanging around, working the phones, filling reporters. Ayla had never been so scared before in her life. The lightning beast paled in comparison.

"Yo Chief!"

Ayla was dragged up to the sergeant. She gasped. It was Tyr of the Legion of Super-Villains! Mekt's old crew! But he was older, uglier, fatter, more cybernetic. There was a wire sticking into the back of his head, connected to the ceiling.

"Whaadda you got?" He asked.

"Some little punk who tried to sneak curfew!" The officer yelled.

"What? The sixth one tonight?" Tyr asked. "You little bitches think you can sneak out just cuz it's Christmas? Huh?!"

"This is wrong! Let me go! I haven't done anything wrong!" Ayla yelled.

"Ha! That's what they all say! Good work officer Ardeen."

Huh?

The officer took of his helmet, and blonde hair spilled out.

"Imra?!"

"No prob chief." Imra saluted. "Just doing my job."

"Imra what's going on?! Where's Garth?" Ayla cried.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Imra screamed. Imra let go to slap Ayla, and Ayla got loose.

"HEY!" Officer Ardeen yelled. "SOMEONE STOP THAT BRAT!" Imra yelled.

"Yeah right. Go do it urself." Another officer said. Ayla ran as fast as she could, knowing Imra was right behind her.

"Hey!"

"Watch it!"

Ayla ignored them and kept running. She ran and ran, past the smoke and flies.

WHIZ! BLAM!

Oh my god! She actually tried to shoot her! Imra tried to shoot Ayla! This wasn't Imra. Imra always suspected her brother's girlfriend was a bit of a floozy, but not a child-murdering psycho! Finally, Ayla ran out of the doors to the building and ducked into an alley. She watched Imra run past it. Ayla caught her breath, she huddled in the cold. She slowly backed up and-

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Ayla jumped again. It was Linda.

"You see Ayla?" Linda asked.

"What is this?" Ayla cried. "Where am I?"

"This…" Linda motioned as she waved her arms. "Is this future. The future where you never lived."

"I-I don't understand."

"It all started about ten or twenty years ago, when the richest man in the world, R.J. Brande, was murdered by his partner Doyle. Normally, his death would've been stopped by a boy from Braal, a girl from Titan, and-"

"My brother." Ayla finished.

"Yes." Linda produced a jacket. "Put this on. Let's walk."

"But they said something about a curfew." Ayla told her.

"Not if you have an adult with you." Linda said. "Don't worry. I won't let them hurt you."

Ayla, hesitantly, took Linda's hand, and they began walking.

"You see, you were a very important piece to the creation of the Legion." Linda explained as they worked through crime infested Metropolis. "You taught your brother a lot, helped shaped him into Lightning Lad. Every time he fought bad guys he thought about you and what you would think. And about Mekt. Mekt didn't have someone like you to act as a conscience. Someone to confide in. He didn't think he could trust you and Garth."

"That's not true." Ayla said. "We were always there for him."

"He knew that. But he was afraid. Afraid you wouldn't understand." Linda sadly explained. "Garth grew up thinking he could turn the accident that supposedly killed you into a positive. Mekt, he just saw more blame headed his way. But you were the piece that brought them back together as brothers."

They stopped.

"And the Legion."

Ayla turned. This wasn't right. She knew where they were. There should've been Legion HQ. Instead, there was a building that said McCauley Towers.

"Without you Garth never got on the cruiser that introduced him to Rokk Krinn and Imra Ardeen. Because he already left Winath with Mekt. Garth grew up with Mekt as his inspiration."

"But why?" Ayla asked. "How could this turn so bad?"

"Without you, Garth was born a solo. Luc and Perla Ranzz had two solos instead of one solo and a pair of twins. That made all of them shunned by society. Garth and Mekt became juvenile delinquents. The idea to go on the joy ride was now Garth's. When they got to Korbal, they both got their powers. That much stayed the same. But when they got back, they used it to torment their tormentors. It was…" Linda trailed off "Not very pretty what they did."

"No, my brother wouldn't do that." Ayla whispered. "Neither of them would!"

"You see?"

"I don't believe you! What about Rokk and Imra?"

"Rokk was on his way o Metropolis to try out for the magnoball team. Imra was visiting with the idea to try out as a cadet for the Science Police. When R.J. Brande died, they learned one thing." Linda kneeled down to Ayla and met her eyes.

"Look out for number one."

"So what happened?" Ayla asked.

"R.J. was replaced by Leland McCauley as the richest man in the galaxy. McCauley was given all of Brande's patents by Doyle in exchange. That gained him a lot of important friends. And power. Most of which was given to him by Jean Chu after she rigged the election and Winema Wazzo lost."

Linda breathed.

"Imra went to the Science Police, and she became the best cadet there. She also became the cruelest thanks to her instructor, Otto Orion and his son Adam."

"And Rokk?"

Linda turned to the an electronics store. People were walking by as the news played.

"This is Metropolis Tonight with Morella Tao." The news said. A newscaster with too much make-up appeared.

"Merry Christmas Metropolis! In tonight's story, star Magnoball player Rokk Krinn was indicted on the charge of murder in the first degree."

Ayla's heart sank as she saw him on the screen.

"Krinn was charged with the murder of his girlfriend Lydda Jath, a nearly obsessed Magnoball fan whom the former star had been dating for at least seven months. Apparently, Jath had gotten herself pregnant and was going to reveal the affair to Krinn's wife, Jazmin Cullen. Rokk strangled Jath, cut up the body, and dumped it in Metropolis Harbor. While Krinn's lawyers tried to defend that it happened in a moment of 'roid rage, Jazmin came forth with evidence proving that it was one-hundred percent premeditated. The unlucky ex-wife was last seen cruising in Hollywood when she struck a little girl with her car. As if that wasn't bad, Krinn just received the death sentence! Looks like he won't be having a very merry Christmas." Morella laughed.

Ayla stared at the TV in absolute shock. Rokk. Murdered. A woman and her unborn baby. His unborn baby. Rokk, the epitome of the American Way.

"You see Ayla?"

"Take me home." Ayla said. "Take me home to Winath right now!" Ayla cried. Linda sighed, and before they knew it…

They were in a graveyard.

DEDICATED TO THE BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN WHO DIED ON WINATH THAT STORMY NIGHT.

"T-the whole planet?" Ayla said. "Gone?"

"Destroyed by a freak storm that would've been stopped by the Legion." Linda explained. "But there was no Legion. And then lightning breached a nuclear facility on the planet."

"Winath never had any nuclear weapons!" Ayla yelled.

"That was before McCauley set up chemical plants and nuclear research facilities on other planets when that crash he engineered on most economies kicked in. Another scheme the Legion prevented because of Brainiac 5. Of course, Brainy never joined the Legion."

Ayla placed a hand on the monument. She looked at all the names on their, looking at them alphabetically until she tried to find Ranzz. There was her mother and father. Tears ran down her cheeks. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Linda kneeled down, and hugged Ayla.

"I'm sorry Ayla. I'm so so sorry." Linda said. A tear fell down her cheek.

"Wait."

The other two Ranzzes weren't there.

"Where's Garth and Mekt?"

"I told you they weren't on the planet." Linda explained again.

"But where are they?" Ayla asked.

"You don't want to know, Ayla. You really don't."

"Where. Are. They?"

Linda hung her head, and pointed to a grave. Ayla gasped.

"Garth?"

"He got greedy…" Linda trailed off.

No. No. Nonononononononononononononononononono

"NOOOO!!!" Ayla screamed. She pushed Linda away and began to run again.

"Ayla! Ayla stop!"

"Go to hell!" Ayla screamed.

Ayla didn't know where she was running to. She didn't care. She just kept running. She would find Mekt. Talk to him. How could he do such a thing? She kept running past the buildings and streets, when she stopped. A brightly lit building. The Main McCauley Tower. The grease ball stepped out, his green-haired girlfriend at his side. And his two bodyguards. Meta Ulnoor. And a figure in a cloak.

"MEKT!!" Ayla screamed. She ran at him. Everyone looked surprised when they saw the little girl run to him.

"What the-"

"HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU HOW COULD YOU HOW COULD YOU?!!!!" Ayla scaremed as she beat her fists into Mekt's legs.

"You know this troll?" Meta asked.

"Knock it off, you… little…"

"I HATE YOU!" Ayla kept screaming. "I HATE YOU YOU PIECE OF-" She looked up as she cried. She stopped.

"G, Garth."

It was true. It wasn't Mekt. It was Garth.

"Oh my God…" They said at the same time.

When Linda said "He got greedy", she realized what she really meant. Garth got greedy, and killed Mekt.

"Holy crap she looks just like you." Meta breathed.

"You know this brat, Garth?" Leland asked. Someone just passed him into the club. The famous Dr. Mar Londo and his trophy wife. She was wearing a wolf skin coat.

"I've, I've never…"

"Garth. It's me. It's Ayla."

Garth stuttered.

"Your sister."

Garth lowered his eyes.

"Come on." He said, and grabbed her arm.

"Ayla no!"

Ayla turned around. It was Linda.

"Back off bitch." Meta warned. She sent a psychic blast and Linda went sailing into a parked hovercar.

"Come on." Garth said, and dragged her in. "Be right back, Boss." He said to McCauley. Ayla didn't know where they were going. Up in the elevator. She tried to talk, but Garth wasn't talking. He brought her to the roof.

"Talk." He said.

Ayla was afraid to reply.

"I SAID TALK!" He fired at bolt at her and threw her aside.

"Who the sprock are you you little bitch?!" Garth screamed.

"It's me! Ayla! Your twin siste-"

"I don't have a twin! I'm a solo!" Garth barked. "Now who are you?!"

"I'm Ayla." She tried to get close. "You're my brother."

Garth looked at her, before he grabbed her by the throat.

"What are you? A clone?" He spat in her face as she tried to get out of his grasp. "Not a very good one."

"Let me go!"

"Oh I will."

"Any last words, bitch?" Meta asked. Linda looked at her, and her stare shot straight through her. She stood tall as she removed her glasses.

"Faster then a speeding bullet."

PUNCH!

The wig came off.

"More powerful then a locomotive."

BAM!

Meta went flying. The clothes were removed.

"It's…"

"See ya." Garth said and dropped Ayla. She screamed as fell down the building, past the windows, when a red-and-blue blur caught her. She opened her eyes, and a girl with curls of blond and a red headband, dressed in blue-and-red skirt and suit, with an S symbol. Her eyes shined blue.

"Supergirl." Ayla breathed.

"I'm not the one you know Ayla." She said. "But I'm Supergirl none the less."

"B-but I thought you were an angel."

"I am." Supergirl said. "An Earth Angel."

"But, you don't have wings." Stupid question, Ayla thought.

"The angels who weren't chosen don't need wings to fly." Supergirl said. "They're more a symbol of stature."

Ayla held her close.

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry you had to go through this Ayla." Supergirl apologized. "I'm sorry you had to be brutalized and scared out of your wits. But do you understand? Do you understand how much you changed everything. From this?"

"Y-yes."

"And you still have so much to do, Ayla. It's only beginning." Supergirl said. She flew her down to a bare spot in the darkness.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting so stupid." Ayla apologized. "I want to live."

"I know you do." Supergirl said.

"No, I mean it! I want to live! I want to live!"

Supergirl made a calming notion.

"Close your eyes." Supergirl motioned. "And say that one more time."

Ayla did. She breathed in deep, and said…

"I WANT TO LIVE!!!"

"Merry Christmas, Ayla."

She opened her eyes. She was back in the den. She looked around. The tree was decorated. The fire was burning. She could hardly breath.

"Ayla?"

She turned. Mekt had just stepped through the front door, and entered the den.

"MEKT!" She cried in happiness, and jumped into his arms.

"Whoa! What are you doing up? It's late. You don't go to sleep now, Santa won't be coming." Mekt told her.

"I don't care. I don't care about Santa. I just want to see you." She hugged him.

"Thanks, sis." Mekt said, confounded. "And, I'm sorry I stormed out like that. I just needed to clear my head."

"It's alright." Ayla told him. "Everything's all-"

"Hello?" They turned. "Mekt? Ayla?"

"They're probably still asleep."

"But the lights are on."

"The Christmas tree's on. Don't you usually leave the tree on Christmas Eve night?"

"Oh, yeah. I guess so."

She recognized that voice.

"GARTH!" She cried again. Her voice would've started to get hoarse from all the yelling. Garth entered the den, and he had a friend. Imra. The nice, somewhat floozy Imra.

"Ayla!" Garth ran up to them. He sounded the same as when they saw one another for the first time since the accident. He gave her a bear hug, which somewhat choked Mekt.

"Easy!" He said.

"What're you two still doing up?" Garth asked.

"The bigger question is what are you doing here little brother?" Mekt asked. "I thought you had work."

"I'm playing hooky." Garth said. "Like I could stay away from my only twin and my blockhead brother."

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you." Ayla said. Garth noticed her eyes.

"Ayla have you been crying? I'm sorry I said I couldn't make it. I can imagine what being left along with this guy must be like."

"I'm right here." Mekt said.

"I know."

"I was, but I'm sorry. I thought you weren't coming. And then Mekt left, and-"

"You left her alone. In the house." Garth said, looking at Mekt. "Do you have any idea how stupid that was?! What if someone broke in?!"

"I know! I know! Dumb idea." Mekt said.

"I'll show you a dumb ide-"

"Please. Don't fight. Please." Ayla asked the two. They saw the look in her eyes. "It's Christmas."

Garth sighed. Mekt bit his lip.

"Alright sis." Mekt said.

"But only because you're my only sister." Garth said. "And because it's Christmas."

"Thanks."

"A-hem." Imra coughed.

"Did you have to bring the floozy?" Ayla whispered to Garth.

"Hey!" Imra jokingly said. "Then I guess you don't want your presents."

"Wait, I didn't mean it! I was joking! Joking!"

The three gave her an odd look. Garth put his hand on her forehead.

"No fever. You okay?"

"Huh. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm better then fine. I'm just so happy to be alive. With my brother, my twin, and his floozy girlfriend."

"Okay. No present for you then." Imra joked.

They all laughed.

And then, Ayla caught sight of something in the window. A flash of flame. A feather fell. And an Earth Angel flew on wings of fire and light into the sky. Into the light.

…

"So that's it. No more. No less. Thanks for listening."

****

THE END.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.


	14. The Case Of The Missing Present

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Because you demanded it, a bonus track.

Celeste Rockfish: An associate of the Legion from the Five Years Later verse. Originally Celeste McCauley, she was a P.I. who joined the Legion when it was discovered she had the ability to channel the emerald energy of a Green Lantern power ring. She gained the name Neon.

* * *

New Metropolis. There's a lot of stories in this city. And I know most of them. I'm Celeste Rockfish. Private Investigator. And this is one of them. It's a little something that happened on December 25th. A missing persons case. Something I call…****

00. The Case of the Missing Present

December 25th. 9 AM. He walked in. He smelled of cheap mouthwash and Christmas cheer. Mr. Rizhards from the floor below.

"Celeste. You've got a client." Said Mara Williams, my secretary and personal busybody.

"Ms. Rockfish." He said. "I need your help."

That's what they all say.

"Whadda you need?" I asked.

"I need you to find someone." He said.

"Description?"

"Here." He handed me a snapshot. Tall, red, glossy. Decorated with silver bells. I knew the type. Flashy. Gaudy.

"When was she last spotted?" I asked.

"Last night."

"Where?"

"Under the tree."

"When exactly?"

"Before my daughter's nightlight burnt out."

"Take me to the scene of the crime." I told him.

It was a mess, alright. One of the worst I'd ever seen. Total massacre. Red, and gold, and green scraps littered around the barely visible floor. Tender loving care, handcrafted by professionals, dead in five seconds flat.

The stockings that were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon be there, now thrown aside and gutted like a fish.

A plate of half-finished milk and crumbs was laid on a table by the fire. The clue to a major case unrelated to this one. Or was it?

I started with the most obvious suspects.

Sinthia Rizhards. Eight years old. Just got herself a new doll. Wonder what happened to the old one?

"Where were you last night?" I asked.

"In bed." She said.

"A likely story. Recognize this?" I flashed the picture in front of the smiling little blond as she stroked Barbie's head.

"Is that for me?" She asked.

"Don't avoid the question."

She shook her head. Then my client told me that it WAS for her, and it started to make sense.

"So, you got just a little bit too anxious. A little impatient." I spelled it out. "So, when no one was looking, you did your dirty little deed. Didn't you?" I demanded.

"No I didn't!"

"Prove it!" I told her.

"It was dark in the living room." Sinthia pleaded.

"So?"

"I'm scared of the dark."

I checked out her story. Turns out, five seconds in a pitch black hideout was enough to give Sindy a case of the loose bladder. The nightlight in her room proved her alibi, and so did the wet sheets from last night after it burnt out.

"Okay, you're clear."

Then, I went on to Sinthia's little sister, Petricia. Ah, the little sister. So cute, so innocent. So clichéd.

"So, one of your sister's possessions mysteriously vanishes, and here you claim that you were in your bed too, like a good little girl."

"Yep. I'm very good! Santa gave me a brand new dress!"

"I see. And did Santa decide to give you something that didn't belong to you?"

"No."

"Oh but he did, didn't he? I know your type Petricia. The little sister, always overshadowed by Big Sis. Always number two."

"No. Mommy and daddy love me just the same!" She denied. This was a piece of cake.

"Yet she's always getting better toys than you, isn't she? Better clothes, better grades, better gifts."

"No she doesn't. One year I got a new Theresa doll and she kept asking if she could play with it."

So. Revenge and jealousy.

"So I'll bet that's why you did it. You snuck out hoping to see mommy kissing Santa Claus, and instead you look under the tree and count one too many gifts for Sensational Sinthia. That is, if you can even count past one!"

"I can! One, two, three, Q…"

"Oh don't even try stalling." I said. "You saw that one extra gift, and it was just so tempting, wasn't it?"

"No."

"You knew it just had to be yours. To get back at your sister, didn't you?"

"No."

"You just had to get back at your sister for last Christmas, didn't you?"

"No!" I almost had her.

"So that's why you took it, didn't you?"

"No!"

"Not so much of a good girl, are you Petricia? Time to fess up before Santa puts you on the naughty list for next year." I threatened.

"But I saw Mommy near the gift last!" Petricia said.

Ah, so a whole new player enters the scene. A whole new can of worms.

"I've got a witness who puts you at the scene of the crime."

"You can't pin anything on me." Mrs. Rizhards warned.

"You bet I can't. I just had a nice, friendly chat with your daughter. She told me EVERYTHING."

"Petricia wouldn't snitch."

"But your husband would. He told me all about how you hated the idea that he bought THAT."

"Maybe."

"Your husband always listen to you? Was that the first time he ever disobeyed your direct order?"

"Please. He never listens to me."

"Ah. So instead, you took it to show your superiority. After years of bending backwards for him, this was the straw that broke the camel's back."

"We've had our ups and downs."

"I'll bet you have. But this time, it was different, wasn't it? Something snapped inside, didn't it?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Rockfish."

"I can see it now. The night before Christmas, and all through the house, only a single creature was stirring. A creature stirred by an inferiority complex who had much too much. But then, when the nightlight burnt out, and little Sindy is crying and peeing in bed, you saw the perfect opportunity. When no one was looking, you slinked in and grabbed it, waiting for the chance to get rid of it and show your husband once and for all. But someone was watching. And it wasn't Saint Nick, that's for sure."

"That's not true! I love my husband!"

"Tell me, did it feel good? Even though you knew it would be hurting the two girls you brought into this world?"

"No! I didn't mean to!"

"So you admit it!"

"Yes! I took it after the nightlight burnt out, but I wasn't stealing it!"

What did this mean?

"I went in to check to see if everything was there, and then I took it. But I was going to put it back!"

"Where is it?"

She sighed and led me to it. To an empty box.

"It was like that when I found it, I swear." She pleaded.

I inspected it closely. The box had a hole in the side. And a bunch of other holes on the cover. Something in my gut told me I needed to inspect one more piece of evidence.

"Take me to this nightlight."

I examined it closely. I didn't need to dust it. The evidence was right there. It hadn't burned out. The wire was ripped. Gnawed. I examined the room one more time. And then I led the suspects into the parlor for the unveiling.

"Someone in this room is responsible for the heinous crime which lies before us." I told them. "The heinous crime of kidnapping."

Mrs. Rizhards held her girls close.

"Sometime around midnight, little Sinthia Rizhards was wide awake in bed, waiting for a nightly visitor. Who was this man? He was old. He was fat. And he was jolly. But another visitor came, and he was an unexpected one. This visitor crept into Sinthia's room and destroyed little Sinthia's night light."

"Someone broke in?!" Mrs. Rizhards yelled.

"Ma'am, please. In that moment of darkness, little Sinthia's nyctophobia kicked in, and sent screams throughout the silent night. Running in to check his daughter, Mr. Rizhards didn't see Petricia waiting in the living room."

Petricia gasped.

"But she didn't do it. Because she was watching Mrs. Rizhards come in. But she didn't see her sneak the box right out."

Mrs. Rizhards avoided my stare.

"But she didn't do it either."

"But you just said-"

"That she took the box. Not what was inside. For you see, she was merely checking to see if the gifts were all there, because she knew that her daughter, her younger daughter, didn't suffer the same mental handicap as her oldest. She shooed her into bed before checking on Sinthia, and then checked the gifts to see if nothing was missing. But something was. For you see, the perpetrator of this most heinous kidnapping…"

Mrs. Rizhards leaned in.

"The one who shorted out the nightlight…"

Petricia and Sinthia leaned in.

"Was…"

"Yes?" Mr. Rizhards asked.

"The victim herself!"

"What?" Mrs. Rizhards asked. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" I smiled and reached behind my back to pull out the final piece of the puzzle.

"Merry Christmas, Petricia and Sinthia."

The girls laughed as they started to play with the little bunny I had in my hands. The bunny which had chewed out through the side, entered Sinthia's room, and hid before chewing the nightlight wire. They even named itself after me, Celeste Junior.

"All in a day's work." I said. I leaned back in my chair, watching _Snow Shredder III_ which Mara had given me.

"Merry Christmas, kid." I said.

So that's it. It's now December 26.

I need some eggnog.


	15. To All A Goodnight

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion or the narrator.

The Next Bonus Track.

* * *

Christmas was over. The dusk had come. Boxing Day was tomorrow. Until then…

****

-01. To All A Goodnight

The streamers were picked up and tossed away.

The crumbs swept away.

The cups emptied out.

The tables put back in place.

The chairs straightened out.

The curtains closed.

The rug vacuumed.

Ferro Lad looked around. That was some wonderful Christmas party they had last night. He couldn't remember the last time he heard such laughter. The lounge was nice and clean. The ornaments on the tree that would soon be thrown out were put back in place. In the history of the Legion this room had never looked so spotless, he was proud of himself.

He walked down the decorated hallway, humming a tune to himself.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

He passed someone's room. Saturn Girl's room. Despite how much fun the party was, he was so surprised at they way she carried on. The things reserved people do when they're drunk. Her nose was still red and she'd probably have a hangover. Thankfully she'd wake up to Lightning Lad right next to her. He carried her from the party bridal style to her room, after she got too friendly under the mistletoe with Star Boy and almost got in a cat fight with Dream Girl. The things people do for the ones they love.

He kept walking down, smelling the faint scent of gingerbread in the air. It was coming from the kitchen. Timber Wolf had fallen asleep with his head down on the counter, a plate of gingerbread men freshly made but an hour ago. The picture of a Yule log was burning on the screen. And a blanket wrapped around him as the slightly spoiled President's daughter put on him.

Going down further, he laughed at the sounds of snoring. Bouncing Boy. The sanest of them all. The one who was always laughing and having a good time. Never worrying but ever the pragmatist. The leader. It was probably that reason that he got to be with the Trips. Lucky guy. But no need to dwell on that.

He heard more sounds coming out of the lab in the hall. Brainy. Even on Christmas, he was still doing work. Andrew poked his head in. He laughed. Brainy had fallen fast asleep, holding his Koko plushie. The one doing the work was Vi. She turned to Brainy for a minute and kissed him on the forehead. He sighed in content, before he muttered the name of a blonde Kryptonian and got socked on the head. Andrew laughed again. Vi looked up, was someone there?

He could hardly believe how fast this team had changed. And they were better for it.

As he passed Cosmic Boy's room, he was glad that the leader took some time off. When he wanted to, he could be a real party animal. Most people thought he was jerk, but when a person has to take all the responsibility, it's understandable that they can act standoffish. Night Girl curling up beside him probably helped with that.

There were other sounds of snoring and other bodily functions being made in the sleep. Such was the way with Chameleon Boy, the little guy. Andrew laughed out loud when he caught wiff of the end result of his drinking contest with Kono. Then Cham muttered something about fish tacos and went back to dreaming about Supergirl in a speedo. And JUST a speedo.

Kell. Superman-X. He snored as well. But, when he slept he didn't seem so tense as Andrew had noticed. In sleep, all your tensions can fly away on Technicolor wings. We dream of life, of the way we have lived, and the way we wished to live. And, some dream of death. It's flattering.

He just about made it to the entrance, until he remembered.

There was one more room to pass before he left.

Sandy Anderson. Inferno.

Ah, Sandy. What might've been, and what could've been. He placed the covers on her, and moved away some of the hair in her eyes to see her pretty face.

"Good night Sandy."

He removed his mask and kissed her.

"Merry Christmas." He said.

"Wha…?" Inferno wondered. There was a cold draft in the room. Her cheek felt warm. Was someone in there? And a tear fell down her cheek.

"Don't cry." He whispered as he left.

I met him at the entrance.

"Are you ready, Andrew?" I asked.

"Yeah. Thank you. For this wonderful Christmas gift." He said.

"This is the last time I can let you do this. You understand?" I asked.

"Yes. It was nice seeing them one more time." He sighed with content.

"Even if they can't see you?" I already knew the answer. I just liked asking.

"I don't mind that I died. I'm proud I did, to save the world. I just, sometimes wish I had more time." He sighed again. I smiled.

"You got what everyone gets, Andrew." I took his mask off, and examined his perfect features. "You got a life. No more."

"No less." He finished as he eyes my Ankh.

The doors slid open.

"Come on. Take my hand."

He did, and we walked out into the light.

I was so exhausted when I came home, I plopped on the couch. I just had to see Slim and Wandsworth before I went out again. Those little guys mean the world to me. I looked in their fishbowl, and they were sleeping already. I didn't want to disturb them, so I quietly pecked the bowl before setting off for the next guy.

I know about people. I know about Andrew Nolan. I know myself pretty well. I know about Death.

"And to all a good night."


	16. Marshmallow Surprise: Flaming Wolves

**APRIL FOOLS!!!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

I love messing with you guys. But seriously, there will be an actual special. I was kinda in the holiday mood. When your birthday's December 25th you kinda think about the holiday all year round. That and I like doing these sorts of things. It gives me a chance to give Legion fans what the want and stop complaining about Geoff Johns characterization in Lo3W. A sorta sequel to Santa Claws, and another adaptation of a Goosebumps story that had a dumb ending. I might do one with Ayla and her brother.

**Inferno**: Possibly Sandy Anderson of Earth. Pyrokinetic abilities. It's believed by some that she's the counterpart of a Legion villain named Beauty Blaze.

Note, the character, Debby, is supposed to be an analogue of Deborah Morgna, Sungirl, a possible relative of Sun Boy who joined Deathstroke's Titans East. Oh, and Belle is the french word for Beauty for those of you who don't watch many disney films.

* * *

**-03. Marshmallow Surprise: Flaming Wolves Edition**

Young Ebony Dent stifled a yawn and rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted. Went to bed at 4 and woke up at 10. She'd been pretty much quiet all day, concerning the events that plagued her, and Ayla Ranzz, the night before. She had her black hair down, as usual, and was wearing a black shirt for the theme-park ride "Good-Bye Land", your last stop on Earth. The words surrounded by a boarder of graves and funeral flowers.

She was riding on the shoulders of Garth Ranzz of New Earth, Lightning Lad. The older counterpart of that universe's Lightning Lad wore a uniform that was basically the same, save that the blue was a bit lighter. Other distinctions were the difference in age, the tattoo, the lack of a metallic arm and beard, save for a bit of stubble, the fact that his sister was the same age as him and his brother was still an amoral psychopath, and that he was married with a child.

The younger girl was refusing to go to sleep, and she wouldn't explain why. Her head rested on top of his.

"Come on, kid, tell me what's wrong." Garth told her.

"What would make you think anything's wrong?" Ebony obstinately said as she played with a strand of his hair.

"Besides this little attitude thing you've got going on, you've hardly said anything all day."

"I just didn't have that much to say."

Garth wasn't swallowing that.

"You barely said a word at dinner. Didn't act up at all, not even one of your delusional weight jokes. I was actually looking forward to one to make things interesting."

"Maybe I've run out of material." Ebony said. Garth rolled his eyes.

"You? Please. And you haven't acted excited at all at the idea of what you might be getting tomorrow morning."

"Oh yeah? How come you didn't act surprised when you saw your parents?"

That really was a low blow. His, and his sister's parents died, but his younger counterpart's were still alive and kicking.

"Those aren't my parents, and no low blows from you." Garth sternly told her.

"Sorry." She muttered.

"Are you still scared about what happened last night?" He asked.

"No, it's not that."

"Well come on, tell monkey boy what's bothering you." He sympathetically said.

"…"

Garth scowled.

"Ebony are we back to square one? I thought we were through this." He was recalling the earlier moments she had when they first brought her back to the HQ, in that state.

"It's not that. Yes, it is about last night, but it's not-" She didn't have a chance to finish.

"I'm really ticked at Saturn Queen and Slasher. Here it is December 24. You should be worrying about what Santa's getting you, instead of getting eaten by the boogeyman or getting chopped up by axe murders. When I was your age, all we worried about was if we'd find coal under the tree."

"Stop assuming I'm just a stupid little girl who thinks that monsters and murderers are going to gut her alive!!" Ebony yelled at him, right in his ear. Garth was taken aback.

"Whoa. Take it easy, I-"

"And don't assume that all I care about is what I'm going to find under that tree, because right now I'm hoping it won't be a severed head." Now she cut him off as she got off his shoulders stood in front of him. Her fists were shaking.

"No. No don't cry. Don't cry. Don't…" She told herself. "I'm not scared. For me. You were asleep. Ayla was asleep. Eve, Saturn Queen, whatever, she had you under her spell. If, if I hadn't woken Ayla up, woke you up, we'd be dead. All of us. I'm afraid, that, if I go to sleep tonight, then, something bad might happen. To anyone. They might, be dead, and, and I don't want that to happen. I don't." She bit down on her lip. Garth felt sorry for her, as he usually did. Her older self was much calmer, this child was more sarcastic and sadder. Not all the time, but enough to cause concern.

What made matters worse was when they were joined by the Legionnaire who was sleeping in the room the were right in front of. The ever cranky, ever fiery Sandy Anderson, Inferno. The door hissed open and there she stood. Half-asleep and mad.

"You mind telling her to shut up? People are trying to sleep." Sandy told Garth. He scowled at her.

"Back off, Anderson, the kid had a rough night."

"Oh please, Dent has a rough life. After hearing her sob stories over and over they lose their zest." She snapped at him. "She clings to you Ranzzes like a virus, it's pathetic."

"You used to live in the 20th Century, right?" Garth asked. "Know what this means?" He said as he showed her a certain finger.

"Oh sprock you." She said and, giving him a dirty look, shut the door. Garth picked Ebony up again. She was doing her best not to cry.

"Calm down, kid, it's alright. No one's breaking in here tonight." He told her.

"How do you know that?"

"Besides the fact that there are two of most of us?" He sarcastically asked.

"That still doesn't help."

"Hows about some hot chocolate? That help?" Garth smiled as he asked. still playing the role of the father figure instead of the hothead. They were right near the kitchen.

"Maybe."

"There's nothing chocolate can't cure."

"What about zits?"

"Touché."

A few minutes later the two were together in the kitchen. Ebony was nursing a blue mug in front of her as Garth held a red on.

"Marshmallows?" He asked as he held a bag of "Stay Puff" marshmallows in front of her.

"You're a marshmallow." She quipped under her breath.

"But a muscular one." He reminded her with a laugh as he flexed his arm. She usually got a laugh out of that. But, she didn't look up as she started to put marshmallows in her cup and watched them dissolve.

He sighed again when he saw the downward look on her face. He thought of how to explain it to her, to get her to stop acting like a little pessimist.

"Look, it's nice that you worry about other people-"

"Mom taught me that." Ebony cut him off.

"Well I don't your mom would want you to worry about it too much." Garth tried to tell her.

"I want to. Don't you worry about your friends and family?" She asked. He laughed.

"They spend too much time worrying about me. You're a kid, you shouldn't worry so much." He said, sitting across from her at the small kitchen table.

"So what if I'm a kid, I'm not allowed to worry?" She asked again.

"You should be enjoying childhood, kid. When I was your age I was up at four every morning doing farm work, then school, then more farm work." He listed them off on his finger tips.

"Like I've had so much fun so far." Ebony muttered. Garth sighed.

"Man, you know how to bring a guy down." He sighed.

"I'm sorry if I don't spend that much time worrying about Barbie and what boy band is popular. I guess don't know how to act like a kid."

Garth began to wonder as to what would get the girl off such morbid thoughts, when he saw an old, leather-bound book on the kitchen counter.

"Is this your book?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I haven't finished reading most of the stories in it, though." Ebony told him.

A light bulb popped up.

"How 'bout a story to get your mind off things. That'd help?" Garth asked. Ebony shrugged her shoulders.

"You could try."

He smiled as he started to flip through the pages of the leather-bound book.

"Hmm, here we go." He stopped at a certain page and read through some of the story. "I might have to change a few names."

"Why?"

"It's fun. This one's about what happens when you're inconsiderate to people. Like Miss Anderson." He smirked.

"Let's see…" Garth trailed off before he started at…

…

"Faster! Come on, faster!" 13 year-old Sandy Anderson challenged her little sisters, 9 year-old Belle and 8 year-old Deborah, or Debby, as they raced down the snowy hill this afternoon of December 23rd. Her sisters raced past her on their sled.

"Can't catch us, slowpoke!" Debby mocked as Belle stuck her tongue.

"Oh yeah? I-WATCH OUT!" Sandy yelled when she saw where her sisters were headed.

"What?!" The yelled, not knowing the danger.

"You're heading for Mrs. McCauley's yard!" Sandy screamed.

"WHAT?!"

Too late! They sped past the "No Tresspassers" and were on a pre-programmed destination straight into her frozen flower beds. Sandy followed after, trying to stop, when the sled spun around and crashed into Mrs. McCauley's mail box. Sandy lay on her back as her sisters struggled out of the icy bushes. Sandy felt around the back of her head, a bump forming under her blond hair.

"Ooohhh. My head." She moaned.

"You okay, Sandy?" Debby asked.

"Maybe. I guess. But, oh geez, look at the mailbox."

The white mail box cracked in half. The metal box was crunched under the impact of the sled. Splinters of wood lay in the snowy yard.

"It's off to a better place." Belle said.

"And you are too, Sandy, when Mrs. McCauley finds out what you did to it. Nice knowing you." Debby said.

"It was an accident! Honest." Sandy tried to defend herself.

"Try telling her that. You know Mrs. McCauley hates kids." Belle said. It was true. The old woman was nothing but pure spite when it came to children.

"I can offer to pay for it. Or fix it." Sandy thought out loud.

"We don't have time. It's getting late, Mom and Dad are gonna kill us if we're late for dinner. Especially tonight of all nights!" Belle said. Sandy looked up. It was orange sunset. Night was coming soon. The girls knew how mad their parents got when they stayed out after dark, which made it hard for them to have any fun during winter because of how early night comes.

"And if we're late, think of what they might do." Debby shivered at the thought. "We might not get any Christmas gifts!"

"But I can't just leave it here, Debby." Sandy explained.

"Are you kidding? We can't stay here. Mrs. McCauley is nuts! Remember when she called the police AND the dog catcher because Blaze dug a hole in her garden?" Belle reminded.

"And the time she called Dad and complained about how we cut across her yard to get to school?" Debby broght that up. "Or forget that. How about the time she threatened to have mom's car towed because she parked in front of her house that one time."

"You know what Roy Travich told me in Math Class?" Debby said.

"What?"

"He said that Mrs. McCauley likes to bury kids in her garden! That's why she's always growing so many weird plants." Debby told her sisters.

"Belle, Debby, that doesn't make sense. Mrs. McCauley isn't nuts, and she's not a killer, she's just mean." Sandy tried to explain.

"We know. That's why it's so much fun pulling pranks on her all the time!" Belle happily said.

"And you wonder why she's so mean." Sandy said.

"Well she deserves it!" Belle defended herself. "That's why we like to ring her door bell and then run off."

"Or that time we ordered ten pepperoni and anchovy pizzas and had them delivered to her house." Debby remembered.

"Yeah, she went really nuts that time." Belle agreed. Sandy gasped.

"That was you two? She blamed April Dumakis for that!"

"We know." Debby said.

"Well I'm at least going to apologize for the mail box." Sandy firmly said.

"No way! We're getting out of here before she catches us!" Her two sisters then grabbed her by the sleeves of her winter coat and started to drag her.

"Hey! Let go!" Sandy cried.

"This is for your own good, sis!" Belle said.

"We-*ulp*." Debby's words broke off like icicles on a gutter.

"What?" Her sister asked. The girls gasped when they saw, blocking their path, Mrs. McCauley! The old woman had her black hair tied in a bun, pulled tight. The skin around her eyes resembled the worn, crinkled pages of an old newspaper. Her lips pressed tight, when, before the girls horrified eyes, she smiled. Smiled!

"You kids having fun?" She asked sweetly.

"Huh?" They saud together.

"It certainly is a good day to be riding your sleds, that's for sure."

"Mrs. McCauley?" Sandy asked, not believing her own eyes. Mrs. McCauley gasped when she saw the damage.

"Oh my! You've had an accident! Is everyone okay?" She asked.

"Y-yeah. We're fine." Debby stammered.

"A little bump on the head." Sandy told the old woman. "But, your mailbox, it's destroyed."

"Oh no need to worry. It can be replaced. Just as long as no one was hurt. But you children must be freezing." Mrs. McCauley said empathetically.

"Well yeah, but-"

"I know just what you need. A nice cup of my special hot cocoa. You girls like hot cocoa?" She asked them. The girls looked at one another, wondering what to say.

"Yeah. Of course." Belle said.

"Well, that's really nice of you, Mrs. McCauley, but, it's getting late and we wouldn't want to put you to any trouble." Sandy told her.

"No trouble. No trouble at all. I insist." Mrs. McCauley said. She led the girls up the stairs of her porch to her front door. Her sisters huddled behind her.

"Are you crazy, Sandy? It's a trick!" Debby whispered.

"Mom and dad are gonna freak if we're late. Remember last time?" Belle asked. Sandy shuddered at the thought.

"We wouldn't be in this jam if you'd let me apologize like I wanted. And besides, it'd be rude if I said no." Sandy whispered back.

_Besides, what'll she do if we do say no?_

As much as their parents scared them, Mrs. McCauley was a million times worse.

"Come in, come in." Mrs. McCauley motioned. Silently, the girls walked in. In the hallway, Sandy got a good feel of how long Mrs. McCauley lived there. Apparently, forever. The wallpaper was faded, the wooden floor creaked. The walls were lit by candles which cast shadows over the girls. Behind her, her sisters were tracking slush on the floor, no matter how hard they tried to wipe it off. Mrs. McCauley scowled, until she noticed that Sandy was looking at her and plastered on a smile.

"Not to worry. That can be cleaned up later."

She led the girls down the hall into her kitchen. Strange scents filled the air. The room was filled with shelves littered with jars filled with plants, herbs, seeds, and other odd items. An old iron stove was near the other end, as well as a big black pot in the fireplace. A single window above the sink showed that night still hadn't approached, but it was almost there.

"Now come in and warm up over by the fire while I get you some of my hot cocoa." Mrs. McCauley motioned. Sandy's gaze wandered over to the shelves that dominated the room. The jars were dusty and old. Her attention came to one jar near the bottom, filled with white, round things that looked like... eyeballs? Were those eyeballs?! No, no, a closer look and she could see they were small plant bulbs.

"Wow, you sure have a lot of weird stuff." Sandy muttered as she picked up a jar with preserved blue flowers.

"Yes, well, I grow many things in my garden." Mrs. McCauley said, omniously, as she stirred a ladle in the big black pot.

"What's-ACHOO! ACHOO!!" Sandy started sneezing like crazy before she finally put the jar back. Her sisters didn't say a word, they were keeping their gaze on Mrs. McCauley, who asked Sandy if she was alright.

"Sorry. I'm allergic to dust." Sandy said quickly. "What is this stuff?"

"Aconitum. Wolfsbane." Mrs. McCauley was pointing to the jar Sandy was just holding. She then pointed to one above it, with red and yellow plants inside.

"And that's witch hazel."

"Witch hazel! You hear that?" Sandy's siblings gasped as they whispered.

"Belladonna. Flea bane. Elderberries. Mugwort. Wormwood. And so many others I lose track." Mrs. McCauley listed them off.

"What are they for?" Debby asked.

"Oh, this and that, Deborah."

The girls sat together at the wooden kitchen table. The orange sky was starting to turn purple, although the sisters didn't see the moon rising near the trees. It was full that night. Mrs. McCauley poured cocoa into three mugs, out of the big black pot. Sandy thought that there could be enough hot chocolate for everyone in town, based on the size of the pot.

"Now then, I hope you enjoy this. This cocoa recipe has been in my family for generations. I've never shared it with anyone before. I use some herbs in my garden for this. It even has a special name." Mrs. McCauley said as she handed the girls their cocoa.

"What's that?" Sandy asked.

"Marshmallow Surprise." She said with a smile on her face.

"Really? But, where are the marshmallows?" Debby asked. There were no marshmallows that they could see.

"Oh drink up and see."

The girls, hesitantly, did as they were told. To their surprise.

"Wow! This is great!" Debby exclaimed.

"Awesome!" Belle agreed. Sandy silently sipped, to her amazement, and pretty much they drank up the whole thing.

"This IS good, Mrs. McCauley." Sandy said, finally catching sight of how late it was. "But, we've gotta get going. It's starting to get late." Sandy explained, watching as the pale full moon started to rise in the violet twilight.

"Hold on, I wanna find out where the marshmallows are." Debby told her sister.

"Oh it's no trouble, girls. It's just my little way of repaying you for so many neighborly things you've done for me." Mrs. McCauley told the girls, a sly grin on her aged lips. The sisters blanked.

"What? What kind of neighborly things, Mrs. McCauley?" Sandy asked.

"Well, let's see…" The old woman started to think. When she pointed a long, gnarled finger at Debby.

"Deborah. You threw that ball through my window last spring." Deborah gasped.

"Belle, you rode your bike through my garden and smashed up my fence last summer, and don't think I didn't know it was you. You don't know how hard it was fixing that fence." Belle paled. Sandy's jaw dropped, before her face turned red.

"You two! I can't believe-"

"And YOU, Sandy." Mrs. McCauley cut her off.

"Me? What'd I?" Sandy eyes moved nervously around the room, avoiding contact with Mrs. McCauley's.

"Oh there is the manner of that little bag you left on my doorstop last Halloween. The one that was on fire, I believe." Mrs. McCauley coldly, cruely spat out. Sandy blushed as her sisters gave her dirty looks.

"So, Ms. High and Mighty isn't so perfect after all." Belle said.

"Shut up!" Sandy snapped.

"And you girls left such a mess in my front yard today. Destroying my mailbox, uprooting my rose bushes. Tsk." Mrs. McCauley waved a finger at them. She'd only pretended to be nice, Sandy realized. She tricked them, and we fell for it like idiots. Sandy stood up.

"L-look Mrs. McCauley, we've gotta go." Sandy said, her eyes pinned to the window.

"Yeah! Or you'll be sorry!" Belle threatened.

"You'll really be-*hurk!*" Debby clutched her stomach as she violently hacked her lungs up. White foam was dripping out of her mouth.

"Debby!" Belle screamed, before she was clutching her stomach and suffering the same ailment as her sister.

"I'll be sorry! Ha!" Mrs. McCauley mocked the siblings. A cruel smile on her wrinkled face. "You girls can't go!"

"What'd you-*hakk* *HAAAKK!!*" Sandy fell backwards, stumbling over the chair, in full pain.

"It's because of the Marshmallow Surprise I gave you. Those herbs I put in from my garden. It's happening right now." Mrs. McCauley recanted with a wild look in her eyes.

"You evil-" Sandy struggled to say as she foamed at the mouth.

"Your bones turning to mush! Your bodies softening! YOU are the marshmallow surprise, you rotten brats!" Mrs. McCauley shook her hands in triumph, when, through their coughing and convulsing, the sisters began to laugh.

"Heh heh! The joke's on you, you old *Hurk* That doesn't work on us!" Sandy laughed. Mrs. McCauley's smile disappeared.

"What?"

"We said we had to go. B-but, but you let us stay too late." Sandy told her.

"We said we had to go and y-y-you didn't listen!" Belle said.

"Especially on tonight of all nights of the month!" Debby pointed a clawed hand to the kitchen window. To the full moan.

Coarse brown fur. Yellow eyes. Drooling, sharp fangs. Clawed hands and feet.

"W-werewolves?! You're werewolves?!"

"Look girls, Marshmallow Surprise!" Sandy growled.

"Yummy!" Her sisters exclaimed as they pounced on the old woman. They knew though, that they were in trouble.

Their parents wouldn't like it that they filled up on junk food before dinner.

…

Ebony gaped, the mug in her hands empty.

"Werewolves? They turned out to be werewolves?" She spoke with the voice of a nonbeliever.

"That's what it says in the book, I guess." Garth said, a bit weirded out himself, even though he knew how it ended. Ebony laughed out loud.

"That is so ridiculous! What a stupid ending!" Ebony laughed again.

"Yep, I guess it is. But the point still stands. When you're inconsiderate to people, bad things happen."

"But, that point kinda gets watered down if the old lady gets eaten by the kids." Ebony explained.

"I know."

"They why tell it?"

"I figured you should get a laugh out of it." He chuckled.

"I did. I guess." Ebony told him.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"A little." She said.

"Good, then maybe I could tell you about MY surprise." He said with a sly grin. She turned pale.

"What? What'd you do?"

"Look at the bottom of the cup."

She did as she was told, but saw nothing but a couple of leftover drops of the chocolate drink.

"I don't see anything."

"Closer."

She squinted her eyes.

"No. I don't…"

"Closer…"

"Well, I think… oh no." She said as she felt his shadow spread over her. And then his knuckle on her head.

"SURPRISE!" Garth cried out as he twisted his knuckle into her head.

"Aah! Get off!" She cried as he put her in a headlock to complete the noggie he was giving her.

"Never!" He told her as she squirmed in his headlock. About five minutes later she finally got out, having to listen to his laughter.

"You get that much fun out of abusing little kids?" Ebony asked, rubbing her head and smirking.

"Don't be so ridiculous, my little ink spot." Garth said as he ruffled her hair.

"Monkey." She muttered.

"Vampire bat." He said back.

End.


End file.
